Getting Grounded

In my quest to find focus, peace, and stability, I decided I needed to lay low. I'm still dealing with things but I'm finding my way. Love, Family, Friends, Career, Life and Death. Although great things continue to happen, other not so great things have happened along the way ... but that's life. You take the good with the bad.

Each day I awake its a new start. I used to pray and meditate more consistently a while back. Meditating brings such a renewal to my mind, body and soul. Its a chance for me to reconnect with my GOD and my SELF. When the two become one, I become solid. I find perfect peace with everything. I'm able to deal with situations without over analyzing them or getting too upset. It happens. I'm over it.

When are you are grounded your position in life and your attitude are accurate. Your foundation is strong. I bet not many realized that when your parents would GROUND you, what that really meant. It meant for you to realize what you did, how it affected others or even yourself and what you needed to do to correct that behavior.

Until Next Time ... Go Get Grounded!

Making Peace With Death

I guess we all, at some point in our lives, all REALLY think about death. Whether its after we've just lost a loved one or friend, just saw something on the news or looking in the mirror one day, and realizing that time is ticking, you're getting older and at some point you won't be around. That's a harsh reality for me.

When I was in the 5th grade, I remember having a slumber party. I don't know how the subject of death came up but I remember crying hysterically because "I didn't wanna die." Death scared the heck out of me.

In the last month or so, death has been heavy on my mind. Possibly because I lost my grandfather in January, maybe because my parents are getting older or that I'm closer to 40. Now I know 40 isn't a death sentence but I remember my 25th birthday. Time has flown by with no consideration of how its action may affect me ... who is not in a race to the finish line.

About two weeks ago, I woke up having an anxiety attack. I was barely sleep because I had it on my mind. I was freaking the heck out. I had to take some deep breaths and drink some water. Prayer and meditation helps. I ask GOD to help me deal. It it inevitable. Its going to happen to us all. I'm not alone in this game of life. It's the one destiny we all have in common.

I realize I can't afford to miss out on life going crazy about dying. So I try to take each day to maximize my opportunities ... embracing this beautiful, crazy, roller-coaster, love-filled, not knowing what to expect or whats going to happen next existence. I'm reading more, taking part in cultural experiences and working on spending more time with my family. In other words, making the most of my life so that thinking about death does not become a habit. When your life lacks purpose, so many negative thoughts can enter your mind and lead you to a place of doubt, fear and hopelessness. Who wants to live like that?

"Every man is what he is because of the dominating thoughts which he permits to occupy his mind."

Until Next Time ... Find your purpose and LIVE.

Oppotunity VS. Opportunity

Thursday was quite a busy day of auditioning for me. I had four that quickly turned into three. One audition that I was really excited about going on was Kohl's. Along with Target, Kohl's is a client I would love to add to my resume. There was one problem though ... in the notes it stated conflicts: RETAIL! I just shot for Burlington last month so excitement deferred.

Because I have so many agencies in NY, its really up to me to let them know what I'm booking. But they represent so much talent, I'm sure it'd be somewhat a pain trying to remember everything one model booked. But I have to keep on top of those things so that a red flag can immediately pop up when casting states a conflict. If a client sees you in a competitors ad or commercial it could be bad news. The talent could get sued.

I quickly responded to my agent to let them know I just shot for Burlington but was I still able to go to this casting. I mean it states very clearly that I can't have any other retail ads running, but hey, I always try my hand. My agent responded that she'd have to check with the client because that might be an issue and she'll get back to me. Well she never did. So I went!

I headed to the Kohl's casting after a callback audition on Park Avenue for Off Broadway shoes. Kohl's was on Madison so it was a quick 2 minute walk. I sign in, sit down and finish chatting with a friend. We both just left the callback audition and walked down to Madison together. The casting director comes out. He sees a familiar face, another model. She is Julissa. She used to host 106 and park. They chat it up for a second, he scans the room and then the sign in sheet. He acknowledges my friend, looks back at the sign in sheet, and then back at me.

"Monique, I thought you couldn't make it. They said you were unavailable." I explain that my agency never got back to me so I just came. "Yeah but didn't you do Burlington, that's going to be a conflict. I'm sorry did you wait long?" Not at all. Hey, at least he got to see my face. Potential + Effort = Opportunity.

Later in the day I get a call from one of my agencies about a client wanting to book me for an Evenflo job. They make baby carriers, car seats, high chairs ... you get the picture ...baby stuff. NOTE: I'm going to call the two agency's in the next several paragraphs agency 1 and agency 2 so its easier to follow along.

The job is a direct booking ... no audition and it pays a decent amount. It shoots this Tuesday. There's one problem, eventhough I don't know if I booked Off Broadway Shoes, I'm already holding the dates for the shoot which include travel dates. It shoots in Charlotte, North Carolina on Wednesday, but I fly out on Tuesday. So I let agency 2 know what's going on and see what I can do about finding out any information about the OB's interest and travel times, eventhough I just left the callback like 2 hours ago.

I email agency 1 to let them know about this other possible booking and ask if she can find out anything about OB. She immediately responds back that she received word after I left the audition that I am a top choice for the job. She wants me to try to find out times for the other shoot before she calls casting so she'll have some leverage. So I call agency 2 back and ask them to get more info on the Evenflo shoot. I'm thinking hey, if I book this shoot, maybe OB could fly me out afterwards. Keep in mind, I'm not confirmed for either shoot, but I'm on it like a hornet, trying to make both of these things happen. (But is it really in my hands?)

After an hour or so, agency 2 found out that Evenflo would shoot me first around 830am and I would probably be done by 11am so I could be finished early enough to fly out. Even the people at Evenflo are trying to work with me. I'm like sweet! This may actually work out.

After a tango of calls, things were suddenly at a standstill. Which was a good sign, because I didn't have to confirm anything with either client just yet. I was still being considered for both jobs, which was great. I really wanted things to work out where I could do both. Friday rolls around and I don't hear anything til about 5p from agency 2. Evenflo wants to confirm the booking. I still have no info on the OB shoot. I call agency 1, and she's right on it. She wants me to be able to do both and doesn't want me to lose out on a confirmed booking if OB decides not to go with me.

I'm calm. I realize that things are gonna turn out how they will. Agency 1 gets back to me ... no news to tell me and she feels so bad. I in turn call agency 2, let them know that hey agency 1 still has no info, but I still have to keep the hold because OB has first option. Which is kind of bull. I mean one client should not be able to hold you hostage like that. Usually when something like this happens, they need to confirm or release the talent. But I'm telling you they will call you at the last minute of the last second to tell you that you did or didn't book the job. It's a little crazy. Clients go through so many channels to pick talent for ads and spots. Everyone has to be on the same page.

Both agencies were so cool and understanding about things. I mean they both wanted this to work out in my favor. Shoot, I'm sure in their favor also. They get paid too. Finally casting calls me about 6p to let me know I booked OB. She doesn't have any details on travel but is aware of the situation I'm in. She lets me know that the client will call me with travel details. I get a call about 7p from the stylist and then the call I've been waiting for from production, about my travel arrangements. She lets me know that I'll be leaving in the morning ... early morning. So that means I cannot do the Evenflo shoot. : ( It's a wrap! I'm a little bummed, but hey I can't be mad that two clients wanted to book me.

I had to call agency 2 and give them the bad news. But I am excited about travelling to NC for the OB shoot. My dad lives 35 minutes outside of Charlotte, so he's going to come pick me up so we can hang out. That more than makes up for the shoot I won't be able to do.

I may not have been able to audition for Kohl's and I may not have been able to accept the Evenflo job ... but rest assure, they'll be a next time. It just feels good that all were interested in M.E.. That's a good sign that this career is going in the right direction and although I'll miss some opportunities, they'll be many more to come.

So Until Next Time ... Fight for your Opportunities! GO GET IT!!!

THANK YOU GOD ...

That's it.

Harlem Renaissance

Last week I stayed in my new NYC home! It felt so good! But it feels even better to know that there is no question of where I'll stay from week to week. I locked in a deal with a long time friend and her cousin. We have a brand new 2 bedroom apartment in Harlem. I love it! It's so much closer to the city, it has a gym downstairs and most importantly I can call it home.

My friend travels back and forth like I do for her job. Her cousin attended and graduated from NYU and was already living there so they decided to get a place together. My girlfriend was tired of booking hotels and lugging bags in and out of town. Sound familiar? Initially, we were looking for a 3 bedroom, but with my mortgage payout in Maryland, it was going to still be too much for me to pay a third of anybody's rent.

After letting them both know that I wouldn't be able to afford it, they opted to continue their search, but for a 2 bedroom. In the meantime, I reached out to another friend that I could possibly stay with in Jersey, who has an extra bedroom, and looked into other options. After about a month had passed, I got a text from my girlfriend stating that she and her cousin got a place and that we could probably work out something. I was thrilled and jumped on the opportunity.

So when my girlfriend isn't in town, she's opened her room to me and when she's there, I sleep on a queen size air mattress furnished by her cousin. That thing is huge and even has a head board. LOL. I must admit, it's quite comfortable. So I was in town for only 3 days last week, but so good so far.

Who would have thought, I'd end up in good ole Harlem. I've run into quite a few people who don't like Harlem. But that's OK, so far its been nothing but good to me. I am so BLESSED. I pray for the best and to HIM I leave the rest. Let's see where this new course in life takes me.

I'm very thankful for my friend and her cousin, who were so kind to open their hearts to share their new space with me. I'm thankful for those who were so kind to open up their homes to me even if they didn't have a lot of space to share. The fact that you opened up your hearts to do so, speaks volumes about the kind of person you are. But just because I have a steady spot doesn't mean I won't still crash at a homie's spot. LOL. You know who you are missy! Gotta visit the BLVD from time to time. : )

Ahhhhh. A sigh of relief. I'm back to NYC tomorrow and it feels good to know exactly where I'm staying. I even have a closet yall! Oh and a doggie too. I wasn't really feeling the idea of a dog, but beggars can't be choosers. I've adjusted. Its just a little one, and I think she loves me.

Well gotta go! Gotta early morning. I shoot for Carmax in the a.m.!

Until Next Time ... Go GET IT!

2 Corinthians 5:7

So many times we are blinded by worries, concern, doubt, fear or negativity that we forget that GOD is with us and through it all, we shall prevail. I know my blogs have probably beat this in the ground, but we have to continuously remind ourselves that GOD is always there, preparing us and looking out for our best interest. Just because we don't see the things we want when we want them, we have to continue to walk in FAITH because the things we want and desire can be ours.

You know that saying "he may not come when you want him, but he's always right on time!" Whoever coined that phrase ain't ever lied. When you are experiencing a low, at some point, there is a breakthrough. And that breakthrough feels so good after enduring so much BUT I held on by Faith. Man, it gives me chills just thinking about all the things I've gone through, all the emotions I've felt, the let downs and the put downs and then GOD brings the GLORY! I just feel like dancing and shouting and having a big ole PRAISE party. HIS love and grace is amazing!

I watched the movie the Book of Eli on Sunday. Great movie. And though just a movie, the message it conveyed only gave me reassurance of GOD's presence and power in my life. FAITH is the ultimate confidence I must have to sustain me. It may seem like I'm walking toward a dead end, but my FAITH gives me the confidence that more lies ahead.

My path has been laid. And so has yours.

UNTIL Next Time ... Have Faith in GOD because HE has Faith in you! GO GET IT!

It Could've Been/Could Be Worse

As I embark on a new chapter in my journey to be a successful model, actress and host, I was reminded this evening, even through all the ups and downs, crying, worry and self-pity, my experiences leading up to this point could have been worse.

Over a meal, with a friend who is also in the business, she revealed a part of her journey that I was not aware of. My mouth literally dropped and my eyes popped as she told stories of nights she didn't know where she was going to stay, where she thought about staying or where she wind up staying. : O I couldn't believe it. This woman was/is brave! I could not imagine having the nerve to stand up to some of the situations and decisions she faced. But sometimes, ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

All she endured and how she's come through, was just another clarification to me from GOD, that everything is going to be ok and basically to stop all the whining missy! It's late, but I just had to pop on the computer and remind myself and all who are reading, that despite what you think you're going through, somebody's journey, process, season or situation is or may be worse. Not that that's something to revel in, but it helps me appreciate that fact that, well, IT COULD BE WORSE.

Each day I fight. Some days harder than other's. I will make it through because I always do. And so will you. Did I just rhyme? LOL. Keep on pushing ... keep on striving ... "keep rising to the top, while my mind says give it all ya got give it all ya got!

Until Next Time ... Appreciate what you do have and stop worrying about what you don't have. Good Night~ *YAWN*

My Testimony

Today is Monday... already. A few days home and tomorrow I'm back to NYC. I subscribe to Streamingfaith.com, a christian based website that sends daily devotionals. I have over 200 of these devotionals sitting in a folder, waiting to be read. I decided a few weeks ago that I would wake up each morning and read at least 5 of them so I could try to catch up. Needless to say, that hasn't been happening.

Today proved different. I turned on my computer to check out an email someone sent me. Before I knew it, I was reading a devotional. What caught my eye was the word TESTIMONY. Usually, an entire week will be surrounded by a certain theme. The 5 I wind up reading all had to do with TESTIMONY. As I began reading, of course, it hit home. Ironic? No! Just the power of GOD and how and where he moves us to open our spirits to HIS presence and his working in our lives. Those messages were for me, right then.

As I've gotten older I've come to realize that GOD allows challenges, storms or struggles in your life to bring you closer to HIM. At least that's what I believe. Often times we can get so caught up in ourselves that we don't realize that GOD is always with us, guiding us through it all.

I got real caught up in ME this weekend. Feeling sorry for myself when I know that GOD has this think under control. But I'm human. I've also not been up to par with praying and meditating. HE KNOWS that. HE knows just how to get you back on track, hence the pity party I gave myself. In my reading, I came across this, "When HE presses down on our lives, GOD tends to break up those things we have relied upon for so long."

Which brings me to the 3 and half years I've relied on others to open their homes to me as I crashed on their futons and air mattresses, ate some of their food, sucked in their heat and AC, watched their televisions, used their water, towels, wash clothes and invaded their privacy. That whole process is now very uncomfortable for me. It's time for me to move on. I can't continue to rely or expect them to do this for me. I'm a grown woman making grown up decisions that affect me but should not have to affect everyone else. It's time to move on. GOD has made that very clear.

Will it be challenging? YES? But I've always made it through. ALWAYS. EVERY TIME. ALL THE TIME. I can't rely on people. I have to rely on GOD. HE's the only one that is consistent and constant. So why would I expect more from anyone other than the only ONE in control.

I wonder sometimes why I wasn't as "fortunate" as others that have family that live in other places. All of my family is here in DC. Except for my dad, who lives in SC now. But there's nothing going on in SC. LOL. Why couldn't I have a family living in NY? Why couldn't' t I have parents with loads of money, so they can help me get a place in NY? Why can't my career take off as quickly as I would like? Why? Why? Why?

I wasn't given all these material things but I was given a testimony! "We are given the power of eyewitness testimony to persuade others of GOD's grace, love and mercy and to encourage others. Let's be alert of the opportunities that GOD will give us to tell of our story of HIS working in our lives." That's pretty awesome. My story can encourage someone and through all the challenges they may face, I can say, "hey you'll make it through because I have, let me tell you why." WHAAAT? That's powerful! I AM very fortunate!

Embrace the struggles. "Understand that struggle serves as crucial evidence that GOD is near." "As long as you stay in the struggle, so will GOD." Your struggles give you a testimony.

Until Next Time ... GO OUT AND SHARE YOUR TESTIMONY!

Breaking Point

Ever so often I hit a low. I assume we all do. You have doubts, regrets, sadness, emptiness ... any feeling that puts your spirit at an all time low. I really can't complain. My life has been pretty fruitful. But we all experience challenges. My grandmother died almost 20 years ago and I still mourn her loss. That lady was everything to me. I didn't realize that until I got older. She really shaped who I am today. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents and they have always loved and supported me. They were young when they had me, but no matter what challenges they faced, they made sure that I had. Even if they weren't the ones that gave it to me.

So in addition to the emptiness I feel about my grandmother and a couple other personal issues, I'm just tired, mentally and physically. The whole back and forth thing, from MD to NY, lugging bags and the ultimate ... asking friends can I crash with them. While I can't expect them to understand every time I need a place to stay, it still feels like a burden to not only stay with them, but to just ask. I've been lied to and given elaborate stories even. LOL. As I write this I can't help but laugh. People are funny.

So with a mix of emotions that started on Thursday night. I got my crying, screaming, kicking and yelling on. I threw myself a big pity party. I strolled in with violins playing, grabbed my box of tissues and got my party on. Today ... I'm good. I know what I have to do and I'm going to do it. Enough is enough. What I experienced yesterday helped me release the fear and worry built up inside. It was a breaking point. You have to have those ever so often to help you move on from all the mess. "Without Struggle, There's No Progress."

I can't expect anyone else to understand my situation. I just can't. Everybody has their own situations going on. But what I can tell you is that this whole process had pointed out some things about myself. Some things I've done and I've gained a better perspective. "Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you." or better yet, "What goes around, comes around."
I've made some people feel uncomfortable, I've hurt feelings and been dishonest. Don't judge me. LOL.

These experiences have helped shaped me. It's showed me how strong I am and through it all, I persevere. I persevere.

Until Next Time ... Be the person you would like others to be to you.

There's No Place Like Home

As I sit and watch one of my favorite movies, "The Wiz", I'm reminded of how many days I have until I hit the road back to Maryland. TWO! With window AC's, mice, and hot subways, I realize how spoiled central air, a car and no rodents can make you.

Tuesday morning, I went to grab the iron board and a little mouse was chillin behind it. Scared the living heck out me. Last year I stayed at a friends house while she was out of town. The first night there I was sitting on her bed watching television while I was talking to a friend on the phone. I saw something run across the floor. I was like I know that ain't what I think it is. Then I saw that little sucker come out and dash across the floor into a closet. I got off the phone, packed my bags and rolled! I couldn't fathom staying in there with that thing. Suppose I wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and it runs across my foot, or climbs up the bed and crawls across my mouth or something. No sir-ree. I was out of there.

This time it was different. Although I was hesitant to come back to the apartment, I decided to suck it up and face little Mickey. After coming to terms with the situation and arriving back to the building, I walk up to the 3rd floor, where my aunts apartment is and I see another little mouse run into her neighbors apartment. OMG! Thanks! Now I'm back to being a nervous wreck. I come in the apartment slow, turn on all the lights and look around. I don't really want to go looking because you know when you do, you always find. I'm just saying to myself, please stay in your little hole, where ever you've been chillin', and give me some piece of mind.

I called my aunt earlier that day to let her know I'd saw the mouse. I've been coming here for 3 and half years now, and have never seen a mouse. So I wanted to let her know in case she needed to call the Super. She explained to me that the people moved out of the apartment across the hall, so they've been doing work in there so whatever is up in there is scattering every where else. Don't get me wrong, I'm aware that mice and rats reside in NYC, but I'm used to seeing them in a subway station. And that's where they need to stay. I later found that there is something like 12 rats to one person in NYC. That's enough for me to think about looking into another profession. But let me let you know right now, had there been a rat up in here, I would have been out of here too!

Day 2, and I'm still a little uneasy, but hey I'm dealing with it. I'm going to stay at one of my girlfriends house tomorrow night so I'm sure my nerves will ease significantly. LOL. I'm in the living room and I keep looking out into the other sitting area as if something is going to run across the floor any minute now. Is it Thursday yet?

Don't get me wrong. I am so thankful that I am able to have a few options to lay my head when I'm in town and a little mouse should be the least of my concerns. I'm a work in progress. Yall just keep me in prayer. Last night, I took a deep breath, said a prayer and slept like a baby. When I woke up, that mouse was on my mind, but I did what I had to do and kept it moving.

Tomorrow I'll be hanging out with my girlfriend who turns 30 on Sunday. She's having a little celebration get together here in NYC and in DC on Sunday. We'll be celebrating a new era of her life and in addition, I'll be celebrating my voyage back HOME!!!! Count down!

DON'T WAIT UNTIL NEXT TIME ... COME GET THIS MOUSE OUTTA HEA! : (

Busy Away From Home

I wake up early Sunday morning. Wash, get dressed, grab my bag and head to the 2. There was a train in the station when I got there. When the train pulls out, I take a drink of my water. An older man asks if he can have a sip. Little did I know me entertaining his question would leave to a whole praise and worship service all the way to the 6 train at Fulton Street where I have to transfer.

I entertain him for about a minute, he's going on and on, I reach in my bag and grab my headphones, stick them in and turn on my gospel mix. He proceeds with his sermon, but I tune him out. At least I try. He projects louder and louder. Come on Fulton Street.

My call time for my Target shoot was 830am. It was in Spanish Harlem. East 117th street to be exact. I had to take two trains and journey an hour and half to get there. I actually got there in an hour so I was super early to the store. Better early than late right. The store is not open so I have to call my contact person to have them meet me at the employees entrance to take me back to the holding location. I didn't realize til it was my turn to shoot, that the store is brand new. Not only is it not open due to store hours its not open period. It doesn't open until Wednesday.

The store is huge. It has the grocery section too. I would definitely have a good time in that store. If I'm in any state and I see a Target, I'm going in just because. I just love that store. So I have husband for the shoot. Dante. He's a cool dude. Tall and thin with a mocha complexion. We have good chemistry on the set which the client loves. I also parlay a few questions about how to get the TV and print ads for Target. I mean of course I know...you have to go to a casting and book it...but yall know I gotta take opportunities when they present themselves.

What we were shooting was some internal stuff for corporate. But our pictures were too cute. They've gotta just look at these and wonder why in the world they haven't booked us for some big campaign, right? Let's hope. ; )

The shoot takes 3 hours and I'm out, on my way back to Brooklyn on my little field trip. It's hot as beans outside. I have to walk at least 4 or 5 blocks to the train. I bear the heat and the passes a few men throw at me. I'm like really? This one guy was like "you're so beautiful, oooh and you sweat so good." Really? I wasn't even sweating though. Would someone really feed into that? Just nasty.

I make it back to BK, stop by Starbucks to grab me a marble cake and to Quiznos for the two for 5.99. I get the chipotle turkey sammie with a Cobb salad. Goodness, I tell you. I can't wait to get back to the house to tear it up because I'm hungry as heck plus I'm so exhausted. I eat but don't really wanna take a nap because I have another shoot to get up early for. I want to be dead tired to make sure I can get my butt to sleep. Alot of times its hard for me to get a good night's sleep before an early morning shoot. Anxiety? Anxiousness? I have no idea. But I wind up falling asleep for about an hour anyway. I just couldn't hold on.

Today I have to get up even earlier to catch the talent van in midtown by 615am. The shoot was in Rockland County, NY., about 45 minutes away from the city. We come to this huge property with a big white house on it, a shed that looks like a small house, and then another type of building in back of the shed. We head straight to craft services where I initially order a Turkey bacon and egg whites on wheat toast. But after seeing the pancakes my new husband is munching on, I decide to go back and get one.

The shoot was for a brand video for Tylenol. I had a new hubby and 2 children. A boy and a girl. I've been busy huh? It was a pretty big production to be just a video. But it's likely it will be picked up as a national commercial. We are all crossing our fingers.

Although we get there really early, the actual shoot part wasn't that long. After lunch we are wrapped so we leave the location about 130p. No shoot tomorrow, so I can sleep in later. I have set up a meeting and am working on some other things to maximize my time here. It's all about the maximizing of the time when I don't have any castings or bookings lined up. I'm hoping that's short lived. ; )

In writing this, I'm realizing I need to get to somebody's gym. I haven't worked out in a week. And I've not been eating the best. So in the mean time and in between time, I'll need to schedule some gym time. I've been staying in NY for 8 days now, and and I can't wait til Friday gets here so I can get home to see my family. Just kind of get back to some sense of normalcy. I mean me travelling is normal but I'm usually back home on the weekends. And I miss home. :(

I'm hopeful that this week will pick up. I may invest in a class if there's one that peaks my interest, but I'm going to do my best to stayed occupied. The heat is killing my roots. So may have to stop in to see Gillian down the street for a press and curl. LOL.

I'm tired. I'm gonna read a little and turn it in. I've had the house to myself for as long as I've been here. I've enjoyed it. My aunt will be back tomorrow. YAWWWN! That's my que. I'm out.

Until Next Time...Go Get in some time with Family cause ya never know how long you might have to be gone. ; )

Embracing Opportunities

As much as I tried to keep my mental on track and focused, my flesh kept getting the best of me. My thinking cap was on snooze and my flesh was on it's own on time. I was late to every audition from Tuesday to today (Thursday). Even though it didn't much matter because they were all running behind schedule, I still like to be on time. Sometimes you have a time range and sometimes you have an actual appointment time. And for some reason this week, it was all about having an appointment.

Every morning I called myself being proactive with my business by doing productive things on the computer but the mornings would go a little something like this...email, text message, bbm, facebook, tv back to email and so on and so forth. I guess you can say I was multi-tasking. I learned in a business class last week, that multi-tasking is a lie. And whoever realized it first, ain't ever lied.

Maybe Tuesday's rain dance threw my equilibrium off because I just couldn't seem to focus on one particular goal at a time. On the train on my way to my only audition today I realized I was really gonna have to dig down deep, do some praying, self-reflecting and meditation to be able to hone in on some self-control.

I have been doing good about accomplishing the goals I've set, in the time-frame I've wanted to accomplish them, but they may not be at their fullest potential. I would love a do-over, take back some of the things I've done and said, managed my time a little better and been more focused. But of course, I can't do-over whats already been done. I can only pick up the pieces, deal with the rest of what the week will hand over and pray for a better turn out moving forward.

Wednesday after attending a callback for Tylenol that I found out I booked... YAY! I met up with a few friends at a charity event. It was at the Charles Nolan store in Chelsea. Really cute boutique that had a little bit of everything. Clothes, jewelry, shoes, handbags, vintage pieces, picture frames and a station set up with paints, brushes, stencils and glitter. Odd huh?

The event was being held to raise money for a children's organization called GOAL (Giving Open Access to Learning). The arts and crafts station had been set up earlier for a few kids to make some bags and masks to display in the store. Obviously, the organizers thought it would be a good idea to leave this station accessible to guests who were wanting to explore their creative side or bring bag childhood memories. *giggle* My friends and I grabbed a glass of wine and quickly took a place at the table.

Me and my friend BJ decided to do bags and Nia a wooden box she could put little trinkets in. BJ's bag turned out to be a tribute to her mom Tia that passed away from cancer and mine to my love of shoes and model persona. It was the best fun! I've done some coloring in the last few years but I haven't painted since grade school when we dipped our hands in paint and plastered them on a big white sheet of paper. LOL. I think everybody took that same masterpiece home to their parents.

It really brought out a side of me I hadn't embraced in a long time. I mean I act silly and childish with my nieces and nephews but its for their entertainment. But to be doing an activity like that outside of the children and for my own pleasure was fun and felt really normal. It definitely overshadowed the craziness from day before.

I did manage to do a little networking. Turning an interaction to an opportunity. Just what they taught in the class I took tonight. It opened up an opportunity for me to connect to others and bring in potential clients to my "other" business which is consulting. The class really helped bring out my lack of motivation to get this business rolling. The opportunities are there, I just need to take them. Being prepared is everything and a business card will go a long way. So glad I had plenty available to pass out. Vistaprint.com people!

I'm almost there. I just have to be consistent and constant. Stay on track and surround myself with opportunities even if that means painting my name on a bag. Who knows, the connection I made there may lead to my name on something else. We'll see.

I feel good!

Until Next Time ... Go Get Focused, Create Opportunities and Make it Happen!

Rain Dance

The rain never let up before I had to jet to the next audition. I put my jacket over my head and ran across the street to buy a $6 umbrella. I have some brown rubber Old Navy flip flops on which are better than having a good pair of shoes ruined in the rain. My feet get wet, but I also, avoid the likelihood of busting my butt on the ground.

I don't have my big suitcase, but I opted to bring a small rolly bag. It's made like a duffel bag but has wheels on it. I had 4, yes one came in last minute, auditions/castings today. So I needed to bring several clothing options to represent the products I was auditioning for. It would be impossible, dumb even to try to go back to Brooklyn to change clothes, so I had to bring everything I needed. In addition to my laptop and all I would usually carry in my purse, this bag was a one in all today. But the darn bag kept rolling off the wheels. That bag wore me out! It's not a suitcase, its a duffel bag on wheels. I don't think that concept really works though. :/

From the Starbucks I had to walk about a block and half to the R train. My bag got soaked. When I get inside the station I check the inside to make sure things are dry, and they are. Two stops down and I'm at my stop. Before I even get to the top of the stairs, I see its still pouring. I had to walk about 4 or 5 blocks to my casting. Great! The rain is coming down, my feet and legs are getting wet and my poor bag is getting soaked.

I have to stop and check my contents again to see if they are getting wet and they are. I have a dress wrapped in a plastic bag you get from the dry cleaners and decide to use it to wrap the duffel bag in. It was just the right size to cover the entire bag. I poke holes at the wheels and keep it moving. Finally, I make it there and get on the elevator. A tall blonde girl with an accent asks what floor the casting office is on. For some reason, she thinks its on the 3rd floor, but I assure here its on 10. She looks a little perplexed. She asks me if I'm a dancer. Nooo but if I had started early, I probably would have been one. Seriously. I tell her I'm a model and actress. For some reason actress stands out to her. "Ooooh you're an actress." Like I couldn't possibly be going on the same casting she's going on. Quickly and loud, I say "AND MODEL." Don't get it twisted missy because I'm not 8'12 like you. Hmmmh!

I get to 10 and decide to change into my bathing suit top in the hall and then finish up in the bathroom which is located inside the casting office. I like to be as prepared as possible before going in. You never know whats going on on the other side of that door.

I walk in, sign in and head straight to the restroom. There are about 5 girls already there waiting. We wind up waiting quite a while before we're seen. I strike up small talk with one young lady about the rain and her shoes being drenched. There are some really pretty girls there. More fashion type models. Sometimes when I get called to certain castings and there are more of that type there, I wonder why my agency even sent me. But I deserve to be there darn it! And my agency would not send me if they didn't think I had a good chance.

At this casting is when I get the call about another one lined up for me today. I decide to head there next as its on the East side and I'm already on that side of town. By this time, its evident that I'm going to miss my 2:40 appointment for the audition that was initially going to be my 3rd and final for the day. I send an email updating my agency and they tell me to just get there as soon as I can. I have until 430p.

The rain has let up by the time I leave. But as soon as I get to the corner, a light drizzle starts. I make it to the train station before it decides it wants to pour down again. Another 2 stops down, and I arrive at my stop. About 6 or 7 blocks in, the rain pouring again, the stupid bag flip flopping all over the place, my feet and legs, wet and dirty, sweating, and lord knows what my hair looks like, I arrive! The audition is in a small gallery. So I clean myself up a bit outside and change into some cute little heels. I go inside and wait my turn. Again, fashion models. I may not have the height, but I must certainly have the look. And that's obviously good enough.

On to the next. Back on the beaten path to the train and to my last audition for the day. At one point, I'm so exhausted and worn out, I have to (singing) "say a little prayer for meeeeee." I get a little turned around going back and wind up breaking the $8 necklace I bought yesterday. Are you frikin kidding me? Deep breath! I break one of the strands of beads and they are falling everywhere. I take the necklace off and throw it in my bag. I suck it up, realize I probably shouldn't have bought it in the first place and finish making my way to the train.

3 stops up and I'm headed to the my last adventure for the day. I sign in and again, I head straight to the bathroom. My shorts are wet and my cute little shirt has managed to grow two small holes in it so I decide to change into a little blue dress and a tan jacket. Plus, I wanted to look more put together.

I went into the audition about 20 minutes later, knocked it out, changed back into my shorts and flip flops and headed to the 2 train back to Brooklyn. By this time I was in the mood for a drink but I couldn't wait to get back to the house to just relax. On my way to the train, I get a call that I booked a casting I went on last week for Target. It's not the Target deal I want, but I gotta start somewhere. It's for some internal stuff. So my plan is to stand out at this shoot. It could lead to some major advertisement. And that's exactly what I'm gonna get.

I shared my experience today with a friend who's very successful in his modeling career. I told him about the Target deal and this is what he told me. He said "you put little thought into Target and you got a small token of what you put in." Say whaaaaat? I love it! As he put it, "you have to visualize your sh**!" I do have a vision board but the vision certainly can't stay there. Thanks Super Dre!

Until next time ... Don't just GO GET IT ... Visualize yo' sh**! ; )

Good Service

I go into my first audition today pretty confident ... and I do pretty good. I found out afterwards that they are booking talent today for Thursday. As I mentioned yesterday, I'm already holding for a client I went to see last week. If I've never explained it, when someone places you on hold, it means that you are what they are looking for and you are being highly considered for the job. The job is a good one too ... McCormick Spices.

So I decide to call my agency to find out if I'm still holding for this particular job. I find out I've been released. Like when did you find that out? Hanging on to hope and prayer and these people can't find the time to type an email or give you a call to let you know that you can free your mind because you didn't book the job.

I'm a little bummed, but I can't be consumed with it. I stop by Old Navy to return a swimsuit top I bought for an audition today. I found something better so its imperative I get that money back in my account. It was only $9 but that's a meal, well more like a bottled water in NYC. LOL. Everytime I go into this Old Navy the lines are wrapped. This location is really big so they have registers on all 4 floors.

I find an associate to ask if any of the registers are open upstairs. I'm trying to get in and out. The first girl doesn't know so she asks another associate, and she doesn't know either because "she hasn't been upstairs yet." But she says it with a little attitude as if I, the customer shouldn't be asking her this question. Ok whats wrong with this picture? I wanted to be like BEE-OTCH find a walkie talkie and find out. But I take my little pause before my Ms. Who the Hell Are You Talking To comes out and walk back to the main register and stand in the long line.

It actually moved pretty fast. I was in and out. I also needed to go return a little dress I bought. I was planning on wearing that to the audition as well. I didn't try it on in the store and when I got home, I just wasn't feeling it. Besides I didn't need it anyway. I'm on a mission remember. And that includes not buying anything for at least 2 months unless absolutely necessary. I did, however, keep the necklace I bought. It was only $8. :/ Baby steps people. LOL.

I see the young lady that rang me up yesterday. She looks at me with a smirky smile. Yesterday when she was ringing me up, she asked had I tried on the dress I was purchasing. It was cute. I hadn't but it's not a crime not to. So immediately, she's like "didn't I ask you if you tried on the dress yesterday?" I'm like "I know I know...it just didn't work out". But ummm, who are you talking to? She didn't say it in a mean or negative way, but still. I am the customer. No the customer is not always right. But I've done nothing wrong and Ima need you not to be asking me about what I did and didn't do. Just do the return bama!

She does the return and gives me the receipt with the item returned but not the original receipt with both items. I ask her for the original. Most stores will staple the original with the return receipt. So she's like "you're gonna return the necklace"? Mind you, I have the necklace on. It doesn't matter if I'm wearing the necklace. I want my receipt. Maybe I need it for my records. Maybe I wanna wipe my butt with it. But whatever the reason, I want it and you need to oblige. She does but is marking all this stuff on the receipt. I'm like, whatever makes you feel like you're doing your job lady. An $8 necklace is not that serious.

But what is wrong with people in the service industry? I can't get an agent to update me on a booking, I can't get an associate to check to see if there is a shorter line in another area of the store and I can't frikin get my original receipt? All, which is not asking too much. The agent expects me to update them on my schedule and conflicts and both associates expect me to follow the policies the stores they work for have in place. But I guess everyone's expectations are different.

When I'm done, I head to Starbucks to heal my wounds with a tall caramel frap, light, but still with whip and a pumpkin loaf. I feel better already just thinking about it.

On the way to Starbucks, I get a call from my NC agency. They want to check my availability for a booking on Thursday or Friday. Wow. Look at that! Where one falls, there's another. I have a class and an event lined up on that day but hey, I'll definitely take the booking! See the advantage of being represented in different areas. Increases opportunity! And I likes opportunity. : )

I wanna head to the larger Starbucks on 38th but opt to try the one on 35th. Seating is usually a bit difficult but I was able to find a good spot by the window. I order my caramel frap only for the girl to make a mocha frap. LAWD! But no worries, I wait a few minutes for them to get it right and I land in my blog early today.

I felt it necessary to remind myself and anyone else who may be reading this blog, that whatever service you are offering, make sure you are offering the best. You never know who's watching you or who you're servicing. When you offer the very best, you stand out, even its picking up trash. Love what you do because if you don't, your attitude will reflect it and your opportunities will deflect to someone else who's giving their best.

I have two more auditions to attend. And I'm feeling good! Except I'm sitting in Starbucks and it's pouring. I've really got to trust my intuition. I started to go back and get my umbrella before heading to the train this morning, but I was already running late so I decided to just keep it moving. Now I'll have to spend a few dollars for an umbrella. Luckily, there is a spot directly across the street selling them. I hope it slows down or just stops in the next 20 minutes though. My feet and legs are gonna get soaked.

Until Next Time or Maybe Later... Be Your Best While Going to Get It!

UP and AT 'EM!

5:00AM! Snooze. 515AM! Finally I make my way out of bed with only a few hours of sleep. I caught the 7AM bus back up to NYC. With only an agency appointment today, I'm desiring a busy week. I was moving a little slow this morning, but the wheels were turning in my head about WHAT'S NEXT? I'm on this entrepreneurial high and there's no stopping.

Struggling to get up so early can also cut out time to stop and pick up breakfast, but money is tight so I have just enough time to whip up a turkey bacon and egg white sandwich for the ride up. I also manage to cut up a nice crisp apple. However, the bus driver announced she'd be making a 15 minute stop along the NJ Turnpike, so I'll be able to load up on a few snacks for the rest of the ride. I wind up buying my favorite Planters Trail Mix (Nuts, Seeds and Raisins) and a ice cold Snapple iced tea.

My bus driver's name was Nefertiti King. Lucking up with a row to myself and a name like that, this week is destined to be great! LOL. But the sandwich I fixed ... there was nothing great about it. YUK!! WTH? Now there's not too many people that can mess up a simple breakfast sandwich, including myself. But that sandwich there, was not right. I wind up spitting out the last bite thinking I might get sick. I think some part of that sandwich expired. And its remains expired to the trash.

I'm hardly ever home so grocery shopping is minimal. But I'm usually good about checking dates and throwing things out. Obviously, I overlooked something. :/ I had to take a bite into my apple chunks early to get the nasty taste out of my mouth from that bland-wich.

Soon after, I throw the plugs in and decide to catch up on a few Z's. Thank GOD the bus was nice and quiet. Usually an early bus is. Everyone had to get up at the breaka breaka dawn to catch the darn thing. So sleep ... is inevitable. But before I can head to snoozeville, I notice the girl across from me is sleeping with her head in her arms. Imagine Samantha from Bewitched. What in the world? Is that comfortable? Is she crazy? Or is this one more sign of the great week ahead. So I decide to make 3 wishes and head to La La land.

This week I'm staying in Brooklyn. Got the place to myself too. My aunt (my sisters mother-in-law) is travelling with my sister and her family to Disney for my nieces track competition and vacation. So I'll be holding it down in Flatbush for the week.

I hit the city and head straight to one of my agencies to store my luggage. Not a bag but luggage. It's like Coming to America when I come in town. So thank GOD, one of my agency directors allows me to store my stuff whenever I need to. She's the bestest! Love you Mykola! ; )

I go over a few things with her and head to my appointment with another agency. The meeting goes well and I end up with more represenation on my roster. More opportunity for more work! Afterwards, I meet up with one of my home skillets for sushi at our favorite very inexpensive spots. Then I had a few errands to take care of, I head to BK, drop my bags off at the crib, head to target to stock up on my meals and treats for the week and catch the finale of the Housewives of NJ. Off the chain!

Now this is a treat for me. Back home I don't have cable so I get to see all the cable shows when I'm here. I can get really wrapped up in it and lose track of time but I can't get sidetracked. I barely watch tv at home so I can't lose my mind watching cable. So I mute the tv to take care of some things on the computer and of course, add an insert for my followers and any and all who stop by. But now, it's time for me to partake in some sleepation so I can get some revitalization for some motivation in the morning. LOL. In other words, time for bed!

I have a busy day tomorrow. 3 castings! Woo hoo. I've been holding for a job that shoots on Thursday since last week and I've not heard anything so we'll see. I also got another hold for another job that shoots on Sunday. Thats how it works people. Sometimes you'll be holding for something and the agency never even calls you to let you know you've been released. I usually put in a call to the agency, especially if another client is trying to book me on the same day. But I'm gonna chill on this one and see how the cookie crumbles. Whats for me is for me!

But things are looking bright! Wish me luck folks!

Until next time Go Get IT and Expect the Very Best!

Gotta Start Somewhere

This weekend was pretty productive. With a mission in motion and a ton of goals I WILL ACCOMPLISH, I had to start somewhere. MY BEDROOM. I decided to change it around. I'm so used to the same ole comfortable arrangement, I figured because I was on this mission to change my way of thinking and get things moving in my career, on my own terms, my room could use a face-lift. I absolutely love it!!! My bed is now facing my windows which are a pretty nice size. Outside of that window are nice bushy trees to wake up to. It's sort of tranquil. As soon as I wake up, I can see GOD's blue sky and these bushy green trees. Immediately I can THANK HIM for another day. Another day to go at it again. Another day to spend time with family. Another day ... period.

Re-arranging my room was pretty much my day on Saturday. It wasn't a goal I'd previously set, but it became one and I accomplished it. Check! Earlier that morning, I started a couple loads of clothes, dropped off a couple bags of clothing and shoes at the salvation army, went to Fed Ex Kinko's to send off a package and make copies. There, a really nice young man assisted me. I'd seen him the last time I went there. He paid me a really nice compliment. But that day I was looking pretty regular. No make up, a hat, some cut offs and my rain boots. Heyyy, it was raining! But I made it work. We worked up a conversation. I found that he was working on becoming a make up artist and hair stylist. So with my "pursue your dream experience", I put on my "motivation hat" and urged him to "HOLD ON TO IT"! Concieve it, Believe it and you will Achieve it.

Having conversations like that always makes me feel good. Not because I'm motivating someone to go after what they desire but because I was that person and I did it. I have a story to tell. And that feels good to tell a success story. I'm still floating along in my journey, but I have my faith as my life preserver and it keeps me going for it. I want it and I SHALL have it!

Next! The Laundromat Files. LOL. I head to the laundromat to wash two of my comforters. I hadn't been to the laundromat in like 15 years. I go in with my two comforters and I feel like I don't belong. All the patrons were Hispanic. I was a little taken aback. Not because they were all Hispanic but because they were looking at me like "who the heck is this walking up in our laundromat?" LOL. I kindly strolled to the back.

When I get back there, I'm like which one is the dryer and which is the washing machine. It took me a minute to figure it out people and then it took me 5 more minutes to figure out how to use the darn thing. Not to mention, I only had a $20 bill, so I wind up with $20 in quarters. WTH? Finally, after putting in probably too much detergent I get the load going. Then I see a sign that says, "please don't use a lot of detergent because most are double concentrated." OMG. So I tried to scoop some out with the detergent top but it was too big. So I run over to McDonald's (next door) to get a small cup while also ordering a medium fry. Greedy. I run back over to try to scoop some of the detergent out, but it had already gone into the load. :/ Oh well. At least they'll be super clean. :)

In addition, I had to reach for the step stool on top of the machine just so I could put the darn detergent in. As soon as I walked in with my cup, this guy grabs it and takes it to the other side. So I was jumping up and down trying to look in the compartment to see if it had gone in the load yet. This was quite the experience. But I should have things down pact when and if I go again. But the comforters came out great! I couldn't wait to get one of them on my bed in my newly arranged room.

The entire day or weekend for that matter, was not typical. As normally, I'm not on any mission to do anything but sleep...get some rest. NYC wears me out. But I'm excited and whether its putting business plans in motion or moving furniture, my mind was working. Changing my room restored some order in my life but also got me to thinking about so many possibilities. Changing my mindset to change my results.

So whether its convincing someone I just met to go get some business cards made and promote himself as if he's already a fabulous makeup artist and stylist, using a machine I hadn't used in years, or changing my room around so I can wake up to the sky and trees ... I started!

Until Next Time ... JUST START and Go Get IT!

Business NOT as Usual

Out of all the castings and auditions I've attended in my 3 years and 4 months as a career model and commercial actress, this was one of my most productive days. But it all started with taking a free seminar on Tuesday about resumes to a six hour class about, in a nutshell, being about my business.

I've had a big birdie in my ear for a while about focusing on "the business" side of my business. Not about just being an actress or a model but how to parlay those skills into a brand. He was right! Today, the gates opened to my soul and responded with a mission to accomplish. After class, I headed to the book store to check out some references, take notes, purchased the book "Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and a nice pink notebook that will hold the secrets to my success. Well at least my notes. : )

I get back to my girlfriends house in Jersey, settle in and organize my suitcase because I'm heading back home to MD tomorrow. I prepare to re-write all my notes from class, go over the exercises and start putting a plan in motion ... but it's missing. Somewhere along the way, between class, Starbucks, the bookstore and the bus ride home, I've lost all the information I gained today. WTH? Like really? What does this obstacle present for me? Nothing if I don't let it. Maybe its a blessing in disguise.

I decide to send a Facebook email to Lisa, who taught the class to see if anyone has turned in my valuable information. But in the meantime, I decide that I will just have to start from scratch. The ideas are still fresh. Does my mission statement have to read exactly how I wrote it in class? NOPE! Maybe it'll come out better than the first. Nonetheless, I can't waste time on the where and the how. I just DO IT and move on with my action plan. I've got goals that I WILL accomplish and I won't let losing those papers hinder my mission.

From this day forth, it is truly about my business. No time for procrastination, wishing instead of willing or neglecting to take action because I lost notes from class. A lot of the information really stuck with me. The beauty is I can start over and no one will know the difference.

I feel really good about where my actions will take my career. Better actions, better decisions, better outcome. Lisa Gold (plug ;) ) taught the class today, and I must say, that that class was a of pot gold at the end of my rainbow. The sun is truly shining on me and my career will follow suit. I can't wait to see the fruits of my labor ... or simply me putting my plan into action!

Until Next Time ... GO GET A PLAN AND PUT INTO ACTION!

On Fire!

I wish I was talking about my career. The weather in NYC has been scorching. I mean I've never perspired so much walking from one point to another. DAYUMMMMM! I even put an umbrella to shield me from the sun but that seemed to make things a little worse. Seems as though the umbrella was not only blocking the sun but any little bit of air trying to circulate around me. Yesterday was miserable. And if I don't find more ways to activate the results I want in my career, I'm going to be miserable.

So I jump started with a class yesterday. And today, myself, is on mission. I have got to delve into some more education. Money has been an issue, but I always seem to find few dollars for a cute little something after I've told myself a gazillion times I don't need another piece of clothing. I have got to get FOCUSED and REALLY SERIOUS. This is my life right now and if I plan to grow in my life and my career, I've got to stop making the same mistakes (financially) so that I can build my career and be able to build my family.

I'm not sure where the money will come from to be able to take the list of classes I want to take, or to put together everything else it's gonna take for me to generate results, but GOD always makes a way. But HE expects me to put things in motion so that HE can open up the doors. So this day, I pledge, that I am not buying another thing for at least 2 months. lol. Hey...baby steps. UNLESS of course I need it for something important, i.e. a shoot or job. But I think I'll be able to pull something together out of all the stuff I have at home.

I want and need to secure a space here. I have got to have some consistency when I come up. I don't need an apartment, just a solid foundation to lay my head. So I'm putting things in motion people. Growing up! And sometimes that takes years to do, I've found out. But we're all a work in progress. So in my journey to really take advantage of getting my career cookin' and on fire, I am claiming FOCUS, DETERMINATION, WILL POWER, AND PERSEVERANCE.

I suggest to you as well, whatever you've been slacking in or on, stop wasting time. You can party and shop to you drop later. One LIFE and only one chance to do your thing so don't waste another minute people.

Until next time ... GO AND GET THE DAMN THANG!

Better Late Than Never

Today was an early start for me. I was determined to be outta NY on the first thing smoking this morning. It's a holiday weekend so everybody and their momma was travelling out this morning. 4th of July in DC is big, I guess. Fireworks on the mall! Bolt bus was completely sold out so I had to opt for the Megabus. The double decker bus that holds about 85 people. I had to leave Brooklyn, well I wanted to leave Brooklyn by 530am. My bus was leaving at 640am. But I didn't leave the house til 5 minutes to 6am. What the heck was I doing? I was speed walking to the train and of course I had to wait like 10 minutes for the 2 train to finally make it to Atlantic Ave to get me to 34th street in time to get to 31st and 8th ave. Luckily, I was staying at my friends house this time instead of my aunts. Atlantic Ave is like 20 minutes from Penn Station. If I had stayed in Flatbush, I would have had to get up like 430am and take a 45 minute ride there.

So I'm waiting for the train, time is ticking. I haven't eaten a thing. All I got is 2 bottled waters I swiped from my friends job and some doritos in my book bag. Too early for the tortilla chips. So I had about 10 minutes to get to the bus before it left. I wanted to hit up Starbucks but everyone knows Starbucks is always off the hook so I opt for a banana from one of the other little stores in Penn Station to tide me over until I get to DC. So I'm booking it to the bus. It's like all of NYC standing there waiting to board. Really? Long story short, I get my seat and one of the standby customers that makes it on, is some little gay guy who is a Drag Queen, because the whole bus had the pleasure of hearing about his evening before. Ummmm its 6am in the morning, it's a little too early for all that boo! You need to drag it down and drag it to sleep please.

Thank God for my ipod! But he obviously was entertaining to the 3 or 4 girls he was sitting by because they were constantly laughing at his stories, which was more noise. Adding fuel to the flame. His friend was more chill, but he gave his little show before we took off. Walking up and down the aisle like he was still performing. Mannnn, I wanted to say can you sit yo' butt down and shut the you know what up.

I guess about an hour into the trip everyone on the bus was knocked out. I woke up briefly after catching my head from falling off the seat. Awwwwww peace and quiet. But once we arrived at the first drop off in White Marsh, Maryland, little man was on again. Cursing, being loud and fabulous. I always wonder how some people don't realize that everyone does not want to be apart of their stories or personal business. Consideration people! It's early. We all had to get up at the crack of dawn to make this bus ride...we just want a little peace and quiet for the next 4 hours. I could not wait to get up off this big yellow and blue box to end this madness going on two seats behind me and get some food!

Me and one of my girls decided to do lunch once I got in, so I waited at the Starbucks for her. We wind up chatting a little over hot and frozen coffee and then heading to this Sushi spot near Chinatown. Our conversations always wind up being about getting out stuff together, re-grouping, being more focused, staying on top of our game and so on.

There, I realized, as I so often do when I'm not feeling my MO-jo, I have really got to get my act together. I was on such a roll in May and June that it seems that since I took my little vacation, the momentum has slowed down or even dropped off. But I'm not claiming that. What you put out, you get back and its apparent that I've not been putting out too much of anything here lately. That's so not cool. So where do I begin. Just do it! And this blog does help. It's a start to put things in motion, but the past few weeks, I've really struggled to push through the down time I had the pleasure of giving myself. But ummm, its time to get this ball back to rolling.

So this holiday weekend, even though I plan to partake in a barbecue or two ; ) and spend some time with family celebrating my oldest nieces' 9th birthday, I've got to get things moving. There's no check coming in every 2 weeks. I've got to go out and get my paper. And that can be frustrating when you're going but ain't getting.

I've got to do better at pushing through the slumps. I'm strong and determined so there should be no issue with me doing what needs to be done. It almost feels like a part of you wants to give up. And I've worked too hard for that giving up pity party business.

So I'm taking my deep breath, holding my head high and pushing toward my goals. Wake up call! We need those ever so often, even when we are doing pretty good. So I'm starting my movement.

Until Next Time ... Get ta Steppin' and Go Get It!!!

Age Aint Nothing But A Number...

Well tell that to my body that refuses to do anything but lay in bed or anywhere it can find some soft cushy-ness to lay my head. I just peeled myself off the couch downstairs. SMH. I've been trying to tell one of my girlfriends that will be just turning 30 next month that the older I get the tougher it is to bounce back. Granted, I take pretty good care of myself, but I still need lots of rest ... otherwise, I'll be the lazy bum I've been since I got home 3 days ago from my vacation in Miami. Unmotivated and unmovable. : (

I'm 6 years her senior and biologically I probably feel like a senior citizen compared to her. My hips and knees have started to snap crackle and pop. But she refuses to believe my qualms are real. She'll understand once she gets my age...and by then I'll still have more things to complain about, because after all I'll still be 6 years her senior. Getting old is real no matter how you look on the outside. (singing) Clean on outside, Cream on the inside. LOL.

Although, I'm blogging from my bed, I'm still planning to check things off my to do list today: working out, completing some admin work and more beauty rest. LOL. Hopefully, by tomorrow, I'll be back to my old self. Imagine if I had drank all kind of crazy. The only getting up I would be doing is to use the bathroom. I've never been an alcoholic or in love with liquor but I've slowed down on drinking a lot when going out...which is the only time I would get my drink on. I've realized that no matter how much I loved to do some things when I was younger, my body is not in love with it anymore. Being healthy, staying in shape, growing mentally and looking toward my future is so much more important than a party or drink.

I'm not a party pooper, I just try to listen to my body. And how bout people that say, OMG you don't look your age? Well what is my age supposed to look like, really? If you think I look 25, well let me show you some pictures of me when I was 25 ... NOPE, don't look 25 boo! But thanks for the compliment.

It's inevitable, we are growing old. Stop trying to hold on to a number that you will no longer, eva eva eva be again. Let it go. You are the age you are ... embrace it because that number soon will be gone too. You look 25 but you ain't so deal with it. And if you are still acting 25, then that's another issue I guess, especially if you're 55. LOL. I'm not saying you can't be young at heart, but you should not be acting like you did 20 years ago ... probably like a damn fool. And especially since GOD has blessed you with lots of experiences and wisdom. Don't get me wrong, I still act silly and have fun. I just do it at a different degree now. I'm sure you get what I'm saying.

So stop trying to grow backwards and move forward with the years ahead, because we don't know how long any of us have.

Until Next Time ... GO GET SOME REST AND GROW UP! ; )

Been Away Too Long

It's been a little over a month since I've last blogged. I apologize for those who are following. A combination of things have led to my lack of motivation to put in a insert; being busy, lazy, uninspired and getting ready for a trip I just got back from.

I really started this blog with alot of enthusiasm. This one was not going to end up like the one I started a year ago. But I guess things can come in between my "peace" of mind as this blog often gave me when venting or sharing things I wouldn't normally express outside my circle. But just like I made a commitment to my career, I'm going to try and do better at committing to this blog ... at least as much as possible.

Between the time I got back in town yesterday and today, I've slept probably a total of 16 hours. Vacation can be exhausting especially if it involves going out late, getting in early and not getting enough solid hours of sleep. But I did have fun. I went to Miami with two of my girlfriends who are also in the industry. We managed to do a little business during our trip as we did photo shoots and one visited an agency. As freelancers we work to get representation in different markets to expand our opportunities. Miami is a great market.

In between partying, basking in the sun, meeting numerous people, networking, shopping, eating and even some disagreements, we did have a really good time and managed not to kill each other...lol. But often times when I go away, I'm always happy to get back home to my own bed and surroundings. I'm also ready to get back to work. This month was pretty dry. I had one gig at the top of the month and that was it. I was on vacation for 5 days so no castings/auditions or bookings.

But vacation is over and its time to get back on track and FOCUSED. I'm working on new images for my book and comp cards, staying in shape, eating right, and thinking about going natural with my hair (for the 3rd time). I was going to probably do it in a few years but it may come sooner than later. It really depends on how determined and disciplined I can be during the process ...because it is a process.

Well friends, this isn't much but a start. I hope to be more consistent with the blogs. After all, you are following me. ; )

Until Next Time (which will be sooner than later) GO GET IT!!!

Moving Along

this weekend was nice. It always seems to go by so fast, especially when I know I have to head back to NYC. The week before last, I went on 4 castings. I booked 3! Unbelievable! I got the call on Friday, that I'd book the 3rd gig. I was headed home on the bus so I couldn't quite jump up and do my celebration dance. But GOD got the glory. HE just keeps moving in my life, continuing to guide me, give me strength, and be my salvation. He weeds out all the nonsense, keeps me focused and grounded and moving onward.

Even though REST is often on my mind for the weekends, it seems to rarely happen. I had every intention on going to my niece's track meet but when I found out it started at 7am ... ummmm that was a negative. My mind wasn't having it. It already made the decision that we probably wouldn't make it. Rest was on the agenda!

I did go over Friday afternoon and played with her, my oldest niece and my youngest nephew for a little bit. I got a little hopscotch, bike riding and jumping like a rabbit in. LOL. Saturday....what the heck did I do Saturday? WOW. See how fast the weekend goes. It's a total blur. I remember taking care of some paperwork and running some errands, but the morning ... oh I went to the gym! I also attended a day party for a friend fighting breast cancer. It was really nice an she looks really good. A good crowd came out to support and I got to catch up with many people I hadn't seen in a while, including one of my best girlfriends.

Sunday, me and my family headed to the nursing home where my uncle resides to attend a celebration for his 60th birthday. Every time I visit there, it does something to me. Seeing some of the elderly there and how they seem sad and alone, makes me feel so bad. Of course, I'm not sure how they feel, what their lives were like, or what their ailment is, but I've heard so many negative things about nursing homes, that I automatically feel saddened.

A simple "hello" lights them up. I ran into a woman in a wheelchair, which by the way, everyone is in one. She was sitting in the hallway near the restrooms. I said hello to her, asked her if anyone was inside and she said no, you can go. I struggled to open the door but with her direction, it popped right open. When I finished, she was still sitting there, as if she was guarding the door, or waiting for me to come out. I asked her how she was doing and complimented me her on the throw she had her across her. She was a little frail white lady with teeth that looked as old as her, but she was cute and nice. She asked me where I was going looking so pretty. I chuckled. "I'm here celebrating my uncle's birthday", I said. With excitement, she exclaimed, "oh how nice." We chatted for a few minutes and then I had to go. We were wrapping up the celebration and were about to head out.

I saw cousins and uncles I hadn't seen in years. We shared stories, laughs and love. Makes me hope that the others that reside in that home are able to share days like that with their families. That they weren't just dropped off and left to die alone. Being there always does something to me. But it makes me realize how fortunate my family is. That we have a bond that even if we don't talk or see each other for years, we can pick right up where we left off. No love lost. Everyone seems to be doing pretty well, health wise. And that's rich!

I'm on the bus now, headed up. An early day approaches me. Only 2 trains tomorrow but a long day. A 10 hour day is scheduled and tonight I need to really push myself to get to bed early and to SLEEP!!! We'll see how it pans out.

Until then ... GO GET IT!!!!

YAWWWWN ... AHHHHHH!

340AM!! That's the time I got up this morning. My call time for my shoot today was 6am! Yesterday was a breeze! 1230p call time. Make up artist started me immediately and then it was time for lunch. WORD? And it was the bomb too ... and healthy. After lunch, got my make up retouched, goT on set and knocked it out in 30 minutes. A 5 minute break for the photographer, client and producer to look at the images turned into, 'Monique, you're DONE!!!! Say Whaaaaaaaat? Sweeeeet! Two hours and I was out!!!

Instead of messing around in the city, I decided to head back to BK to just chill out. I knew I'd have to get to bed early so I could get my butt up to catch the train at 430 in the a.m. So I did some work on my laptop, ate dinner, watched the tube for a bit and drank two cups of sleepy time tea to help me into LA LA land. I was trying to get to bed by 8am. But 8am turned into 930am into too late to get a good nights sleep. : (

My aunt was watching a recap episode of America's Next Top Model and I got caught up. I saw some of the earlier episodes of this season but I don't quite keep up with the show like I used to when it first aired.

So I FINALLY hit the futon full of sleepy herbal goodness and I COULD NOT GET TO SLEEP! It's something about having to get up so early that your mind is on some kind of overload ... or something. My mind and heart were racing. WTH? Can I please just get 5 hours of sleep. I drank so much tea and water before I went to bed, I kept getting up to use the bathroom, the negroes outside were hooping and hollering about nothing, and in the apartment building you can hear every door open and close, every squeak and conversation. Babies crying, kids running across the floor ... so I decided to get my ipod. Maybe so silky tunes would help tune out the noise outside and in my head.

Thirty-two minutes in and I had use the bathroom again it was over for the tunes. I found myself singing along with the dang on songs. Not focusing on sleep at all.

The pillow I have with my bedtime ensemble (2 flat sheets, a comforter and a pillow covered in a satin pillow case) is sort of too fluffy. I like to sleep on a flatter pillow or no pillow at all. When I was going to the chiropractor, the doctor suggested that a bigger pillow could cause back issues because your body isn't' laying evenly. So laying that way can create pressure on your neck and back.

So opted to sleep without it. Maybe that was the issue because as soon as I made the decision to give the pillow another chance, I was off to sleep. But not for long, because as soon as I knew it my alarm on my phone was vibrating and I was BLOWN. Time to get up already?!

I guess my brain needed something soft and cushiony to calm whatever was going on in my head. I'll know better next time. And of course, I'll be knocked out tonight for the lack of sleep I got last night. Oh well...such is life. I'm working and it if that means losing a little sleep then so be it. A friend once told me 'you can sleep when you're dead!' LOL. That maybe true, but I'd like to get some while I'm still breathing so I'm not going to shoots and auditions looking like a zombie. : ) But hey, I get. But I needs my beauty sleep. Hehehe.

Off to the trains. I had 3 to take today. The 2 from Flatbush to Atlantic Ave, the Q from Atlantic to 14th St/Union Square and then the L from Union Square to 1st Avenue. Now you see why I had to get up so early. My commute would take about an hour. Less if the trains were running a little faster. It seemed like every train took forever to come. And that early in the morning, time goes extremely slow.

The shoot was in the East Village. We shot at a little Cafe called Cafe OST. They provided a mobile trailer for us to eat breakfast, get into wardrobe and hold us until it was time to shoot. This shoot was for a product for patients with MS. It hits close to home for me because one of my best friends was diagnosed 10 years ago.

There was 3 of us on set. Two really cool young ladies. Shikira from Jamaica who's part Jamaican and part Chinese and Sara who's Persian and was also on Season 2 of America's Next Top Model. We all seemed to really click. But this shoot was a little special as the stars were two other young ladies who actually have MS. Elizabeth from Connecticut and Missy from Alabama. I especially connected with Elizabeth and was able to talk to her about her experience with the disease and share my own personal story about my friend who shares the disease.

We wrapped at 10am. Another short day! So Shikara, who I really connected with as well, and I decided to go grab a more healthier bite at a little cute place 2 blocks from the shoot location. The breakfast they provided was kind of greasy. There was a really good fruit cup but I didn't eat well. We would have loved if Sara joined us but she rolled out. She didnt even say bye. DANG Sara! Guess she somewher to be. I did happen to get a little scoop on her experience with the show and that Ms. Tyra Banks. SMH. I ain't one to gossip so you won't hear it from me.

On our way to eat, I email all my agencies to update them that I'm done with my booking and if they have any castings they want to send me on...I'm available. Still gotta grind. I get one hit for the day and head there after I fill my stomach with a tasty bacon, spinach and egg white sandwich and a waffle with whip and strawberries I share with my new buddy. DE-LISH!

It was so nice today. After a few days of clouds, rain and wind it was refreshing to see and feel the sun. But I was TI-YERD! I decided to head back to BK and lay it down. I attempted to get an appointment to get my hair trimmed but the stylist I wanted to get an appointment with couldn't provide the service I needed so it was back to the crib. Once I got back there, I remembered my aunt was going to get her hair done so I texted her to see if I could get in to see her stylist.

She checked her stylist's availability and I had an appointment. Siced, because she did such a great job. And she 2 blocks from the house. IDEAL. I am extremely picky about who cuts my hair. As long as someone can cut it, I can style it.

I had a casting for tomorrow but because it shoots on a day I'm already booked, I had to turn it down so its back home on the early bus! My aunt is coming down as well. The lady I call my aunt is actually my sisters mother-in-the-law but its so much easier to call her my aunt. Sooo gotta go pack up cause its another early morning rising for me ... I'm sure to be sleep on the bus. Im looking forward to this weekend too. No work! And the weather is going to be really nice.

I'll be attending an event on behalf of a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer, attending my oldest niece's track meet, probably cleaning the house, getting some rest, taking care of a few important administrative things and looking forward to a productive week next week. OH and tomorrow is my sister and mother's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAMILY! Love Yoouuuu. So they'll be a couple more things going on. My uncle's birthday is also this weekend so I believe we'll be heading up to the nursing home to have a little celebration with him. : ) Niiiice.

Until next time .... GO GET IT!!!

Busy Busy ... Good GOD!

Well folks, its been just a little while since I last blogged. I started a draft last week and it was just all over the place, so I decided to wait until I felt more together about what I wanted or needed to say. I'm on the bus headed up top to stay in BK at my aunts this time. I just got finished eating a turkey pastrami sandwich with some honey BBQ chips. Courtesy of Chef Mo! ; ) Got me some trail mix, some chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and a bottled water. Which will probably all be gone before I even get to NYC. Terrible : / Just greedy! But if you've never rode the bus, its a MUST to bring snacks or you will be hungry then mug! Those not from the DC area, like a mug is something we say. I have no idea what it means really. Cause I mug does not get hungry. : / DC/Metro area Slang go figure. But it means you'd be really hungry tho. LOL. Moving on ...

I must say, the month of May has turned out to be quite busy. The promotional events have been in quantity and aside from the two jobs I turned down earlier in the month, I've booked 2 jobs shooting this week! They say it takes about 3 to 5 years to really start to see your business take off. Well if this any indication, I'm ready for the ride. I just hope I hit it before the 5 year mark ... but it's not my call. So let me just be quiet and be grateful.

GOD has truly been looking out as HE always does. Staying faithful, steadfast and consistent always brings about more than I ever expect. It can be overwhelming sometimes. Even surprising.

Yes, I am working but not necessarily booking the clients I would like. Trust me I'm not being picky. Work is a job and a job is paying the bills. I'm just saying when you're in this business, you have goals not just to book work, but to book work that could potentially be career changing ... a promotion in a sense. But in HIS time.

What I've realized is that his journey is not about the jobs I've booked or will booked. It's not about the money I've made or will make or about the bills I'll be able to pay or the material things I'll be able to buy. It's about becoming the person GOD wants me to be. It's about building character, helping others and creating relationships. It's about sharing GOD's spirit and love with others and making a difference.

I know I can get quite spiritual on you. But this journey has done quite a number on me. In a good way. So in this blog, I have to continuously remind myself how good HE has been to me so that no matter how many downs I experience I will always prevail. Everytime. But I also remind you so that you know the same for yourself.

I know life can get busy, but continue to thank HIM. If your in the car, on the toilet, washing dishes...there's not specific place you have to be in to chat it up with HIM. He hears you.

So on this bus riding up to NYC, I thank GOD for all HE has done and will continue to do in my life. HE truly is GOOD.

I get into NYC at about 845p but the way this driver is rolling we may make it in a little earlier. Then I hit the 2 train to Flatbush to lay it down and prepare for my shoot tomorrow. My call was moved from 1030am to 1230p so I can sleep in a little. However, on Thursday, my call time is at 6am. I say I'll be hitting the bed quite early tomorrow evening. *Yawn* Maybe I'll take a lil nappy pooh before I hit the pavement. Good Evening.

Until Next Time ... Go Get IT!!!!

Work it Out

I am TI-YERD yall! Today my legs got a work out. I got to bed pretty late last (Monday) night. I got in town about 7p and arrived in BK around 730p. This time around I'm staying with one of my girls. I was up talking to her and one of her friends that stopped by, who is also in town on his grind. He's a DJ. For those who don't know, DJ'ing is one of my "little" dreams. I love music and have gotten a few parties started. LOL. I have a name and everything yall ... its top secret so don't even ask. But maybe one day I'll be able to parlay my way into somebody's DJ booth and spin a couple records, or is it cd's or maybe just pick some songs from Itunes. LOL. Boy things have changed. But my possibilities are limitless right? wicky wicky wicky wicky (me scratching) LOL.

Anywho, I didn't get to bed til about 12am and woke up about 6am this morning to prepare to take a run in the Boerum Hills area of Brooklyn. We started with a power walk. Normally, I just run. But I decided to take part in my girlfriends workout regimen. Ok, power walking really is a workout! Running is easier to me. So I decided after we walked a few blocks to finish out with the run. I got back to the house, stretched, did a few crunches and proceeded to get ready for my day.

I had 3 auditions today. In addition to that, I had several errands I needed to run. Because I'm on a tight budget, and I like to get my exercise on, I walk pretty much everywhere once I get into the city. And boy did I walk it out. After I got off the train to my first casting which was on W18th, I walked to W29th to my second casting, then to W34th to Macy's to kill some time before meeting up with a friend for lunch. After lunch, I walked to W27th to my last casting, then to W36th to pick up a copy of a commercial I did, then to W53rd to return some sunglasses that broke after two weeks of buying them, (I think that just meant I shouldn't been buying them in the first place : / ) ... then back down to W16th to hang out with another friend before heading back to BK. Now keep in mind, I didn't include the avenues. I was between 5th and 8th avenues throughout my travels. The streets aren't bad, but those avenues can get you.

I wanted to just come in and take it down but I had to put in an entry. Trying to stay as consistent.

I'm so glad that you all are checking back in to see how things are going, what I'm venting, crying, or shouting about ... lol. I appreciate the love dahlin's! But what I don't appreciate is COMPLAINING, UNGRATEFUL, ATTITUDINAL, BRINGING ON THE DRAMA, DRAINING, ALWAYS KEEPING SOMETHING GOING PEOPLE!*

We all make decisions to do things. After making those decisions, we have to deal with whatever consequences comes from that decision ... good or bad. But yo' butt made the decision. How you gonna get mad at the decision you made. Were ya not sure in the first place? Disappointed O.K. But ummm, deal with it and move on with your life cause dag on it, its too short. It's already May, soon it'll be Christmas and you still talking and complaining about could've, would've, should've, he said, she said, my momma said ...

Now, I'm not saying I've never been any one of the adjectives above, but at some point in my life I had to give it up and turn it lose. I had to stop allowing people to suck me in, drain me and absorb all my energy, positivity, love, kindness ... anything good in me ... that includes FAMILY!

Don't allow what people have done to YOU spill over, i.e. enter other people's lives. If you can't control how you feel because someone pissed you off, something didn't go your way, people aren't acting how YOU think they should be acting OR whatever the case may be, please deal with it or stay the heck away from those who are trying to progress in a positive flow.

I had to take a long hard look at my life. How I was being affected by other's actions and how my action's affected other's. Sometimes you lose sight of yourself and sometimes you lose friends. Losing friends is a part of life, but losing yourself can be tragic. So I decided to work on ME and gained some new friends in the process. I can't change how other people act, but I can certainly change how I act. I made a decision to be better and to do better. It's a process but I'm willing to go through it to be a better me. And hopefully, be an example to other's. Sidebar: OOOOH People will try you though!

Until then, GO GET YOU SOME G.O.D. and work on being better!

*I'm not saying we shouldn't or can't vent. That happens. It's normal. But be more aware of how often you let things bother you and how it affects the people around you.

Taking Care

It's been about a week or so since my last insert. Sorry guys. I've been playing catch up with myself.

One morning the week before last, my spirit was a little low. It happens. In trying to pack all my stuff to head back home, thinking about the trek I was gonna have to make with it all, my spirit drew weary and my mind re-acted. In addition to a headache I'd been having for about 3 days and a friend's complaining about nothing, I lost it. Not completely. I needed to shed...some tears that is, and take a deep breath.

I really want to get a space in NY or stop packing so dag on much. I try to have options so I don't have to buy anything. Money is tight and as much as I love to shop, its just not in the budget to do so. But a space to be able to leave stuff and not worry about cluttering up someone else's place and the ultimate, the hassle of asking 'can I stay with you this week' would be ideal. I'm still working on how I can achieve this and not lose my mind in the process.

Granted, last month was GREAT! Work was consistent. So why was I so down? Well I am human. Life is not just about the good things that happen to me but its also about the challenges I endure and how I can work through them and maintain a joyful, healthy mind and spirit.

Work can come sporadically but I still have to have some down time. I actually booked 2 smaller paying jobs this month, but had to turn them down because I had to re-group. Sometimes you just have to take a break. You can't do everything. I have to take care of myself so that I can have longevity in this industry. Then, some jobs just don't make sense. If they are a lower paying job and you have to drive a distance to get there (gas, maybe tolls), minus the commission the agency takes, it's not worth a couple hundred dollars to miss out on some rest and time with family. Trust me I thought both jobs through, but I just had to take one, well 2, for Team Mo!

If I had a place in NY, it might be different. I don't, so I have to work with what I got and take care of me in the process.

I'm just so thankful that I have family and friends that are extremely supportive. But most importantly, I am grateful for the loving GOD that continues to take care of me. And I have to continue to be mindful that HE is in control of EVERY aspect of my life. I have to live by FAITH, not by sight. Just because things aren't happening the way I would like to, doesn't mean they won't ever happen. I am on G. O. D. time. So I've got to learn to get over what's not happening and keep it moving.

May has begun and I've gone on a few castings thus far. A few I would love to book! Although I turned down 2 jobs this month, I'm confident that I will book more. As I always say, "whats for me, is for me!" Let me just add, I don't think any job is beneath me, its just that my well-being is more important than the money. I can't make the money if I'm not well ... mind, body and spirit.

So in the process of "GETTING IT", remember to take care of YOU!!!