On Assignment

This month has been extremely busy for me. The auditions and jobs were pouring in and it was probably the busiest month of the year for me and I'm almost certain it may have been the busiest month since I've been in the business.

I recently traveled out of town for a job. In that town I have a friend I met a year ago on another job that also shot in that same town. We decided we were gonna try to make some time to get together while I was there. And we did.

I'm so happy we were able to get in few hours and catch up. But I have to say in one moment of talking with her I realized something. That this trip was more than me booking the job I was there to shoot, but I was sent on assignment.

There were several roles this client was auditioning talent for. I actually auditioned for two different roles. But not initially. It wasn't until the callback that I auditioned for the role I first auditioned for then the casting director asked if I could stay another minute to audition for another role. So I was like sure.

The additional role I auditioned for was originally for two Caucasian women. However, they wind up mixing it up and booking me with a Caucasian women. So not until our conversation was it all being made very clear to me. That GOD set this whole thing up. I was really here on assignment.

She has been going through a very difficult time with her relationship and friendships. It was sounding all too familiar to me but GOD knew the things I had gone through in the last year would definitely help her through all that she was going through right now.

Man I just had to smile because GOD is something else. Sometimes we get so caught up in our stuff that we don't realize the bigger picture of it all.  We all have to go through trials so that we can be a testimony for others. Sometimes we think its just us doing our thing, making things happen cause we are working so hard when really  its GOD lining things up, putting things in motion, picking the players, rearranging parts and creating HIS masterpiece.

She was able to take away some good lessons and advice for all that she is dealing with. GOD already knew last year what I was gonna be going through this year so I could help her in the new year.

My dear friend, if you read this, which I know you will ; ) , I am praying for you. TRUST and have FAITH. GOD wouldn't bring you TO it, if HE couldn't bring you THROUGH it. Love ya!

Until Next Time ... The sentiment above is for all of you as well.. GOD is always up to something for the greater good.  If you are struggling with a situation, your career, a friendship or relationship, know that you are exactly where GOD wants you to be.  He is preparing you for your next assignment. Make sure you are taking notes, you'll need to refer back them at some point.

GOD Bless.

Comment With Care

BLOG - online diary or personal journal    

COMMENT - casual remark

OPINION - belief or judgement

Although I'm aware that it may happen and its easy for a person reading a blog to generalize, form an opinion or even take what one says personal, this blog is about ME and situations I face or have gone through.  It is a tool for me to release and obviously, share, my thoughts.

Yes, it is in a public forum but it is intended to be a way for ME to get through situations and let them go. Its really sort of therapeutic. I also have a degree in journalism so writing is true to my heart.  And because of that education and being a creative being, I'm usually pretty visual in detail with my entries.   I paint a picture for the reader, pull them in and help them relate to what I'm dealing with.  Although visual and in detail, I use discretion as I never put anyone's name out there or any other detail that may be specific in identifying who a person may be ... if the situation involves other people.  And from my entries some, if not all,  have involved other people.

Honestly, GOD has given me the gift of LETTING GO. I've  never been that girl to hold grudges, even if what was done to me was far beyond what people could even think of forgiving.  It doesn't mean that person will be in my life the same as before, but at least I'm free of what that person did to me.  We all make mistakes.  Some more costly than others.

Even still, I don't use my blog to downplay anyone. Sometimes I may speak to a situation that did not sit well with me. It doesn't mean that that person is a bad person or I am talking bad about them.  I'm just calling it how I see it.  And sometimes, we see it differently. Its called agree to disagree.

All of my situations can apply to anyone reading it.  We all go though the same or similar situations. I'm not a doctor, psychiatrist, pastor or judge.  I'm not mean spirited, a hater or possessed during my writings.  More than likely its a situation that has been addressed and what you guys read is where I have landed in my decision to let it go and fly into the universe.

I'm not perfect, free from error or fault.  I'm a human being with feelings trying to get through life just like the next person.  There is no right or wrong in these entries because these are my feelings.  I can chose how I want to express them as long as my intent is positive.

Despite how it may make one feel when reading my entries, the true essence of my writings is initially for my benefit.  If it helps others than that is a blessing.  But my blog is in no way to preach, counsel, judge, offend or be the answer.  My blog is not an article or column that requires the opinion of others.  (Sidenote: There is two-sides to every story.) I'm not running for office, trying to be popular, or gain acceptance from everybody. What I present is not always the entire story, as you guys would be reading for hours. But can be the piece of the story that got me to the point in which I needed or wanted to express my feelings so that I can move forward.

A couple of years of ago I decided to create this blog to help me as I was starting to embark on a new career, and as my career and life progressed, I started sharing experiences outside of my career journey because ALL our experiences help shape us. I've gotten positive emails and comments about my blog, from people I don't even know.  From different countries and continents. Its feels good to know that I am not alone in the situations I face.  Or that somehow I can be a voice for or to someone.

I didn't decide to put my stories out there to be judged, condemned, critiqued or assessed.  And although I'm aware that all the above may happen, doesn't mean its necessary or even conducive to helping me along in my process.  But everyone has a right to their opinion. But what they don't have a right to is to force their opinion on me.  There is a level of respect given to a person who can respect another's feelings without it causing unnecessary drama.

My intent is always to be positive. Some situations may have upset or disappointed me but I work hard to not let those situations take me to a place that draws me away from GOD. We all have a breaking point, and having a breaking point doesn't mean you have to lose control.  It just means you have had enough and now you have to move on, from, or away from a situation, relationship, friendship, job, etc that is not in the best interest for your life.  And that's OK. No one should try to make you feel guilty, remorseful or bad about a decision that you feel is right for your life.  Situations, Challenges, Lessons, Getting It, Moving On and Letting Go  ... is a part of everyones life.

And that's not being negative.  That's being honest. And if I cant be honest about how I do move forward than I hurt myself and those I continue to be around who have hurt or disappointed me. I can't please everyone and everyone may not like what I say, but I have a right to say how I feel without it being turned around into something demeaning or negative, especially when I have communicated that this in my writing.  I can dare to speak positively about every situation I face.

My blog, my feelings, my actions isn't something I need to justify but only to GOD. I only need to apply the lessons learned in the experience and move on with grace and peace.  And I do because HE is.

Until Next Time ... if you take time to stop by and read my blog, subscribe to it, or any blog for that matter, take it for what it's worth as it applies to your life, or not ... don't pick it apart.  Instead of judging, capture the entire essence of what was written, process it, if you must, sleep on it, if it affected you that much, pray about it even, and pray that person success with dealing and moving on from that experience. We're all trying to make it through this game called LIFE. Everyone has a different way of playing the cards they've been dealt.  It is not up to anybody to tell you how you should play your hand.

Thanks so much to all of you who take the time to read my blog. If it has helped you in any way, that is truly divine intervention.  If you don't like what you read, then please, with love and grace, just don't read it.  Everything is not for everybody.  Interpretation is everything. If you interpret negative, that's exactly what you get.

Peace, Love and God's Blessings for you all.  I'm rooting you even if you ain't rooting for me ... : )

Going Out With A Bang

As the year comes to a close, as you can see I've had much to say about my FAITH, having FAITH, being FAITHFUL and staying FAITHFUL.  There is much to say about me sustaining almost 5 years in the modeling and acting industries and being quite successful, keeping my head on straight and maintaining my FAITH in the process.

I've learned the importance of fasting, letting go of unhealthy relationships and not beating myself up about it, realizing that I have GOD appointed assignments that require me to stick around longer than maybe my flesh would like to,  processing situations before I react personally or negatively, loyalty among friends, support without judgement, and doing what I say I'm going to do .. following through, even if I'm dead tired or have a million things to do.

I'm sure all the above will be a constant in my life but sometimes certain aspects are made more clear at a certain time. In GOD's time, of course.

So only a few weeks left in the year and I must say it has been a roller coaster ride. This month alone was overwhelming.  Lot's of auditions happen the early part of the month because clients/advertisers are trying to close out their budgets before the end of the year.  In one week I had 7 clients interested in booking me.  Keep in mind all of these clients were shooting in or around the same week.  So I was holding each client with options.  Let me explain. In the past, I explained to you that when a client places you on hold, they are highly considering you for the job, i.e print job, commercial, etc.

So the first client that calls, gets the first option, the second that calls, gets the second option, and so on and so forth.  Each basically has to wait in line until the days are released by the one ahead of them.  Most of the clients had me holding the entire week because they had not yet nailed down the day of their shoots.  A couple knew exactly what day. In all this happening, was just more proof of how GOD works, how good HE is and the FAVOR HE has over my life.  I mean seven clients in one week!  If you know this industry or anyone in it, that's pretty big!

I knew that I wasn't going to be able to do them all, as some jobs may have shot on the same day or overlapped.  But my chances were good.  But then I remembered who I serve and realized that really if GOD had it in his plan for me to book them all, that HE was the only one who could make it happen.  So I just sat back and let him work.

My dad called me on a Wednesday to ask how I was doing and I told him I was Blessed. He said "you already know you're Blessed ... you have Grace."  If you look up the word Grace is means: A MANIFESTATION OF FAVOR, ESPECIALLY BY A SUPERIOR.  Insert praise dance here.  After telling him about all the jobs that were in line to possibly book me, he said, you'll probably book 4 out of the 7.  By Friday, I had booked 4 out of the 7.  Can you say JESUS!!

I have a busy two weeks ahead, and am even headed to Orlando for one of my shoots.  GOD worked that thing out, and I have a feeling, he's not quite finished.   If there was even more reason to believe in the power of GOD, start from the beginning of my blog and read to today and you can see how HE has continued to be Faithful, maybe even when I had a little doubt.  I'm not perfect, but I tell you I must be doing something right in my life.  That indeed, my heart is in the right place in EVERYTHING I do.

Also, remember this: "God's purpose is for us to be a means of blessing. When HE blesses us, it is not only for ourselves, but for all those around as well.  In that way, even our very presence becomes a blessing to others, for GOD will always watch out for us and take care of us.  He blesses with such abundance that we cannot help but for it to splash over onto others.  It is designed for their benefit as well as ours."

Until Next Time ... I look forward to sharing more of what GOD has in store for me and I pray that you receive all that HE has in store for you.  Proverbs 8:35 - For whoever finds me finds life,  And obtains favor from the Lord.

Produced By Faith

I used to be a lover of reading when I was a child. Even wrote a book one of my step-sisters friends marveled about.  Years had passed since I had wrote that book and she was still amazed that a 6th grader could right such an awesome story.

Where that book is now. I have no idea. What that book was about.  I have no idea. But I do remember writing it.  I've tried to get back into reading more.  That feat has not been so successful. Eventhough not consistent, I have been reading a book called "Produced By Faith" by Devon Franklin.  He talks about doing what he loves while still honoring his commitment as a Christian in his line of work.  This is all to familiar with the industry that Im in.

But he uses his line of work as a metaphor to the principles Christians should apply to their daily lives to succeed with GOD and HIS purposes for your life.  But moving forward with where I am trying to take this entry.  Really, honestly, I cannot complain about my life.  It has been pretty darn good considering what some others have gone through.  I've experienced deaths, physical pain, heartbreaks, disappointments, challenges, you name it.  A little bit of everything has come across my plate.

However, being raised in a Christian household with a strong support system has helped me beat the odds.  If that's what you wanna call them.  People have often wondered why I don't hold grudges, or even more so lately, let other peoples negative intentions take me to a boiling point and want to just rip into them for bringing that mess up into my house, my temple, my spirit.  

And in reading the book and just looking back over my life, accepting the things I cannot change, and praying for those who just can't seem to find that same peace within themselves, it is confirmed, justified, sanctified, realized and predestined that I am a PRODUCT OF FAITH.  That makes me want to shout to the heavens so that everyone can want to seek that feeling.

Problems will persist. You will be persecuted, let down and saddened! But JOY comes in the morning. My brothers and sisters continue in FAITH and watch how your blessings grow.  I am reaching new dimensions in my career and more importantly in my spirit.  I am able to swat the enemies pokes and prods with just a sway of my finger because the spirit of GOD dwells in me.  Wholeheartedly.  So you want me to get upset. NOPE!  You want me to be bothered. NOPE!  You want me to act like a fool cursing and yelling. NOPE!  NOPE! NOPE! and more NOPE!

Until Next Time ... Pray that GOD gives you the dwelling of the Spirit so that you can stand strong in knowing that HE is in control ... OF EVERYTHING!!! The enemy has no room in your house.

Thank You Lord

In preparing to go home to Maryland this week to visit my family and friends, the excitement overwhelms me.  Although, they aren't too far away and I do kinda see them often, it is something about the holidays that really brings a warm and fuzzy feeling inside of me.  But this year, more than ever,  I feel a need to be really connected to them, to really show them that I love and appreciate them.

GOD has truly blessed me with some amazing people in my life.  And a lot of those amazing people are in my family.  It is so important that I thank GOD for all that HE has given me, especially the  people HE has brought in and through my life.  Whether I've endured trials with some or had to let some go, it is still a blessing to have been touched by those individuals in some way because I've learned who to be and who not to be and how to be better so that I can do better.

As this year is coming to a close, GOD is cleaning my house. And I mean that in the figurative sense, of course. I am so fortunate that HE loves me so much to remove the non-sense out of my life so that I can continue to walk the path HE has laid out for me. To enjoy the blessings in store and share those blessings with those people who truly love, support and care for me. The wonderful thing is no matter how often the enemy tries to use others to stop me in my tracks, GOD is walking right beside me to knock them right out of the way. Ok maybe a little nudge. LOL. Sad thing, some never learn.  But we have to keep praying for those brothers and sisters.

Their journey is not mine and I am certainly not here to judge.  Im here to be a disciple in HIS kingdom and that means doing everything I can do be the person HE wants me to be. Loving those who love me and continuing to love those who don't.  After all, that's what GOD does.  HE's so awesome that way.

So I THANK YOU GOD for it all.  The good, the bad, the joys, the pains, the sun, the downpours, the challenges and the getting through it all, standing strong in your army. YOU are my strength, my guide, my deliverer, my sword and my father in heaven. GLORY be to GOD in the Highest!

Until Next Time ... and always, give thanks for all GOD allows in and removes out of your life.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving ... everyday.

On Target - Everything in GOD's Timing.

It's nearly 5 years since I quit my job to be a model full-time.  I can hardly believe the time that has gone by.  And quite frankly, according to industry standards, that I'm still doing it and have been quite successful.

I have a vision board, which by the way is probably needing some attention and updates.  And on that vision board I have all kinds of clients I want to work with, which some, I already have.  But there was one in particular that I've been wanting to book for a while now.  I've seen them a few times and when recently going back home, I came across one of my bibles and noticed I wrote in the back of it in June 2008 that I was going to a casting for this particular client and that I was going to book them.

Well as GOD would have it, I didn't book them that time and I didn't book them the other 2 times I saw them.  Well earlier this year I went on another casting for this client and shortly right after I was placed on hold (being considered) but yet again, I got released and didn't book the job.  So this past September, I got a call that this client was interested in booking me (again). Of course, the excitement is moving through my veins and the anticipation of hearing back from my agent was building.  But I remained calm and kept it moving with other auditions and life in general.

Well finally, I get the text, not even a call (I love my agent) that this time I BOOKED THEM!!!  You would have thought right away I would have been jumping up and down like a kid. But I think it was taking me a minute to process it.  But about 10 minutes later, ok maybe 5, LOL, I was jumping up and down like a fool.  I was headed out to Los Angeles to shoot for TARGET!!!

I did it! And GOD answers, "uhh like why wouldn't you. I got this!"  So this goes to show you that anything you want is possible.  Anything you desire, you can have, but you will not receive the glory until GOD feels you are ready to receive.  Accept that, keep it moving, keep shining, keep smiling "knowing you can always count on HIM, for sure ... that's what GOD is for." Did I just make a gospel song out of Dionne Warwicks, "That's What Friends Are For" ... LOL.

But seriously, GOD has your back yall.  You just have to trust and believe that.  Don't base someone else's life, goals, achievements, issues ... whatever ... on your life. Everyone's journey is different.  Something you want you may not get, but I guarantee what you will get, will be much bigger than you ever imagined.

I am rooting for you!!! Keep your eyes on the prize!  It took me 3 years to book Target.  But I never gave up.  In the mean time, GOD blessed me with some other amazing opportunities and I never looked back at what didn't happen.

Until Next Time ... Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.

Fair-weather Friends

It took me a while to decide if I was going to write this post.  I never want to be interpreted as being negative.  People who REALLY know me, know that anything I say or do is coming from a genuine place.  I don't know everything and I'm certainly not perfect.  But this blog is here for me to express myself, to give the reader an understanding of me, my feelings, how I plan to deal with those feelings,  move on and with hopes to help someone get through a similar situation, of course, POSITIVELY. 

For the majority of my life I've had to deal with others insecurities, i.e. WOMEN.  If things are going good for me, they're mad. If my outfit is cute, they're mad. If I'm with someone they like, they're mad. If someone gives me a compliment, they're mad.  They just mad mad mad.  And frankly, I'm done with being the reason for them not being completely satisfied with the person GOD made them to be.  But of course they're issue is deeper than me.

Everything given to me, whether its my looks, my talent, my family and even my friends are from GOD. So frankly, if you mad at me, you're mad at GOD.  Whats more important, you can't take away anything GOD has planned, lined up, or has in the works for me.  So please stop the MAD-ness!  Really, at this point in life GROW UP!  Aren't you tired of trying to win against me. I am in no competition or race.  I am a child of GOD and when you go up against his children, YOU WILL NEVER WIN!!! So please get with the program.

I had to straight check a friend two weekends ago.  She is always calling me about her drama, and I listen. I give her advice, lift her up and give her my support.  But this chick fails to support me. Everytime I ask her for a favor...I mean everytime yall...not that she's never done anything for me, but I can probably count on one hand and we've been friends for quite some time.  And its small stuff. Stuff I'm willing to even give her money to do.  But she always got 100 reasons as to why she can't.  And I have had enough.  So in letting her know how I feel, she made a comment that was a wake up call.  She told me to "get over myself!" HUH? Cause I ask you do me a favor but everytime I ask you, you can't can't can't.  And I need to get over myself??

Wait I'm the same chick that holds you down, invites you to hang out, gives you clothes, listens to your drama, shares my family and friends, and of course checks you when you need to be  (cause that's what friends do) and I need to get over myself? Wow, where did that even come from? Obviously somewhere deeper than the favor I asked of you. I barely see you, but when I come in town, you can't find a minute to spend some time with me? I ask you to do a small favor and you cant cause you gotta do something for your co-worker that you've known 5 minutes and it's only gonna take you 5 minutes to do this favor for me?  So seems to me this "friend" needs to get over herself and the 100 excuses she's got in her hat as to why she can never help a sista out!

I'll do anything for my real sister.  And I consider my genuine friends my sisters.  And I look out as much as I can when I can for my girls.  No questions asked.  Now I can't say I've always been so easy to give of myself in the past, but that's the past.  The heart has always been there, it just may have come with a little extra. But I've grown up and am consistently working on me.  And when I need to be checked, I'm sure my girls handle it. 

So in going through this experience with her I've decided that she is just a person I can't depend on.  Point blank. And you know what I'm so cool with that because I do have friends I can depend on.  Who love me GENUINELY. Ain't hanging with me for no ulterior motives, keeping their enemy close or because its the GODLY thing to do.  KEEP IT REAL. If you don't like me. STEP! Don't waste my time because I don't need the negative energy, the deceptiveness or the lack of support.

And with all that I still LOVE you ... from a distance that is.  I am DONE  fighting to just be ME.  Why I got to not be me around you because you're insecure. I am DONE yall.  And I've talked to GOD and you know what? It's alright.  Because HE is the one showing me these so-called "friends" TRUE colors ... REVEALING THE FRAUDS.  And when HE does... It's time for you to go!!!  You're TIME IS UP sista, brotha..whoever!!!

We have had our season.  Thanks for being a part of a lesson I needed to learn about me and about friends in general.  I'm am done  sticking in there for people and they ain't sticking in or up for me.  I am not mad, I'm am not angry, I am just done. And I say that with a smile, a laugh even.    They'll find something. *side eye*

So Until Next Time ... Don't stress over those trying to cause stress in your life.  Pray for them as GOD is the only one that can help them through.  They have to first realize that they have an issue.  And maybe you can restore the friendship but you can't help those who aren't trying to help themselves.  We deserve friends who are down for us no matter what. Who want to see us prosper and succeed.  Who are just as happy for us as if it were their happiness because when good things happen to us, they happen for them.

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance (approval or favor, encouragement, moral support) of his friend. Proverbs 27:17(NKJV)

H E A L I N G

Sometimes you don't know how to put into words how you're feeling or what you're going through but every so often a song comes along that expresses exactly what you're going through.  Music speaks to us in a way that speaks immeasurable volumes.  It helps us get through, helps us move on or transform. It can make us happy, sad, vulnerable but is a gift, in my opinion, to our souls.  A more special, unique way that GOD communicates to us.  There is a song that communicates to all of our emotions ... we can all find one.

Sometimes you don't want to talk to a friend, a pastor, counselor or therapist.  You want to just get through your battle with GOD by your side and a song in tow!  Maybe you don't know how to best communicate to GOD. Maybe you think there is some special way you have to.  You just say it. There is no script.  No rehearsal.  Just say it .... shout it ... maybe even sing it.

Without going through the few things I'm dealing with, I wanted to share this song that really spoke to   my spirit.   A calling out to want to be the person GOD intended me to be.  Finding myself back to ME.  The whole me.  To being sure about myself and the decisions I make.  Dealing with mistakes and regrets as a learning experience and not a reason to beat myself up.

I love this song by Jill Scott.  A great interpretation of how I feel some days.  But an indication that I am not alone.  That we all need GODs help to get through.  To deal. To heal.

Until Next Time ... Whatever you're going through, find your song back to YOU.  Things do get better.

In the FAST Lane

Last month, I decided to fast from watching television for an entire week.   In light of things not going as I would like them to go, I figured I remove some distraction and just focus on hearing GOD.  The television is so addictive and can put you so far off track that you lose so much time watching the same stuff that comes on all day every day. 

The time encouraged me to start reading a book I'd started reading earlier this year and because something crazy was going on with my ibooks application on my Ipad, I hadn't quite re-visited  it to figure out what the issue was. I thought about buying the hard copy in the store but never got around to it.  So finally, I decided to download the Kindle application to my Ipad and buy the book again.  I've yet to finish it but I'm much further along than I was from the first time I started reading it.

Not had I started reading one book but another that a friend had written. I was forced to answer questions about my life and my career.  About friendships, activities and things that seem to be keeping me from living and loving wholeheartedly.

Practicing self control is important to me and important to receiving the full Blessings GOD has for me.  Fasting seemed to help me stay the course.  Focused.  Determined. Sound.  Open. So I'm making a commitment to GOD that I will fast at least once a month. Whether its for an hour, a day, a week, or the entire month. I believe the commitment to fasting will strengthen me in my trouble areas and avoiding distractions and bad habits won't become second nature.

I want to respect the person I am and continue to improve and mature into the woman GOD intended me to be.  It's important to me that HE knows that I am trying. Not just saying that I'm trying but actually making a conscious effort, taking physical steps to show HIM that I am serious about our relationship.

Until Next Time ... When things are stagnant or slow and not moving the way YOU would like, get in the FAST lane.  GOD will write you a ticket you can't refuse. ; )

Social NOT-Working

OK. I am a guilty of doing this but it doesn't mean it's right!! LOL. But I have to say you're almost forced into it. Everyday I'm on the bus or train, even just walking down the block.  Everyone is communicating with their friends Sprint, Verizon, AT&T, T-Mobile, and whoever else that offers a cellular service or data plan.  Granted it is the way of the world, but lets face it, we have lost a GENUINE connection/contact with people because of it.

The times that I've been able to strike up a conversation with a stranger, offer a smile, a seat or help with a stroller or bag, there was a connection made. It not only makes you realize that there are still some nice people in the world who don't mind making your life a tad bit easier even if its just for 30 seconds, but boy it makes you realize that when it does happen,  how much of this old-school way of connecting to one another is lacking on a such a huge level.

People are often surprised when a nice gesture is offered to them.  They sometimes appear a little nervous or taken aback.  Almost putting up a guard between them and the other person with their trusty piece of technology that "holds their entire life" in the palm of their hands.

I met an older guy who had traveled from Georgia, on the bus earlier this week.  He was a bit confused as to whether he was on the right bus to an area he could best catch the sky line of New York.  Our conversation started at the bus terminal but ended almost at the front of my building.  We talked about quite a few things in our short meeting but we both were able to help each other.  And I wasn't even looking for it.  GOD works it out that way, ya know.

I helped him get to the right place and he offered me some good Life advice.  Had he relied on his phone to map out the directions or if I was too involved in a game of words with friends or checking emails, this meeting, this conversation, this connection, the lesson would have been lost.

I realize some mornings, OK a lot of mornings, the first thing I do is pick up my phone and check for any missed calls, emails, etc. instead of thanking GOD that I was able to open my eyes this morning to even look at the darn phone.  This madness has got to stop.  I think its important that we dedicate time aside from our busy schedules to connect to GOD, to connect to his people and to connect to ourselves.

I know that the internet is the Information Super Highway, it offers an abundance of information at lightening speed. It has evolved in more ways than we could have ever possibly imagined,
but isn't it a different feeling to go down the road less traveled. To receive help, information, or a story  from a REAL person. Isn't the lesson a bit more meaningful?  Isn't it nice to have a nice dinner with your boo without him/her missing your subtle glances that scream "I love you" because he/she is answering emails after work hours or just on "your time."

Set some limitations.

If it is important, the voicemail, the missed call, or the email will still be there.  Do you think GOD will allow you to miss an opportunity that He most likely put in in your path. Its highly likely he puts people on your path ... on your bus, train, plane, road, etc. for some reason or another. But we miss any any opportunity to connect to a LIVE person because we are head first into our technical vices.

Think about this: If you took a second to help a young lady trying to get a stroller up the stairs in the subway; to say hello to a person who looks a little down or even ask them if they are OK; to offer an elderly person your seat;  to slow down for just a minute to give someone directions instead of blowing them off cause you're just too busy on your phone ... you have made a difference in someones life.  Isn't that really what life is all about ... making a difference.

I remember when I was traveling back and forth from Maryland to New York City, I had to walk up and down stairs with my heavy suitcase, lugging it to auditions, on the train and through the streets.  It did something good to my spirit when a young man would offer to help me.  Man, that made such a difference in my day because on more days than some, no one offered.  I was tired, hot, cold, near the brink of breaking down and that simple gesture, made me feel good ...  for at least a minute.


SOCIAL means: seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious or living;  disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation.


Until Next Time ... Remember PEOPLE are social beings ... not Cell Phones and Computers. Don't lose the connection with each other.

Don't Put A Question Mark Where God Put A Period

A lot of times I make my life so much more hectic and complicated then it has to be. I stress over things I simply have no control over. I focus on the minor details of things and second guess my decisions.  When if I just continue to trust in GOD and that HE is in control, well, LIFE, would be, ahhhhh, so much more calming for me.

Life really is like a box chocolates.  You never know what you're going to get.  Sometimes we get what we didn't plan for and then a major meltdown occurs. We get negative ... discouraged, sad, frustrated.  We become nut cases and GOD is like "Really? Haven't I always come through?"  And you're like "Yes Lord, But..."

There are no IF's, AND's or BUT's about what GOD can do, has done and will continue to do.  The Lord is Faithful and no matter how bad a situation has seemed in your life, you can always look back and say "Thank Ya Lord!!!" because look at where you are now.  Professionally, I want to be further along.  I wanna be booking every job I get placed on hold or called back for.   But I had to realize that maybe GOD closed some of those doors (and its been consistent lately) because I'm believing to small.

Maybe GOD has something bigger in store for me.  Maybe my career is past the jobs that require 12 hour days, takes a lot more energy and pays a lower rate.  SIDEBAR: I'm not saying I'm too good to take a lower paying job, but hey if GOD is saying that, who I am to question the One who made/makes it all possible. I'm just saying. Maybe my life is moving to the next phase, the next chapter. Who knows?  GOD knows.   And I have to continue to TRUST that if I'm not booking certain jobs or any job, for that matter,  that that is the way GOD has planned it.

Yes I got bills.  Past due bills. Late bills. Too many bills. Can you pay my bills? LOL. There I go again, back to my old self, focusing on the money and not the love and passion that nurtured me and gave me the confidence to quit my 9 to 5 (almost 5 years ago) to pursue this full-time.  The money will come.  It always does. *smile* And when it comes, it's usually more than I ever expected because I stepped back and stopped making plans on my terms.

GOD'S results speak for themselves and will always prove that I will give birth to more in my future than I've lost in my past.  If GOD puts a period in a relationship, a job, a thought, any chapter of your life, DO NOT question it.  In the end he always causes you to triumph.

Until Next Time .... Don't sweat the small stuff!

Today's A New Day

Not a lot to say today.  Just blessed. Truly Blessed.  Moving through challenges.  Defeating doubt and insecurity. Helping and Loving others.  Working to be a vessel of the Lord. I just wanted to share a few videos with you to get your day started.  They are songs of love, hope and encouragement.  Keep your heads up brothers and sisters. Open your hearts. Feed your mind with HIS word.  Be full of purpose.

Love your sister,

Mo

Starting From Scratch

Unmotivated. Stagnant. Lazy. Settled. Angry. Disappointed. Happy. Pleased. Satisfied. Motivated. Relieved. Honored. All these emotions, and probably a few others I've left out,  have all consumed me in the last four months.  As you see I haven't been consistent.  Circumstances surrounding my career have caused them all.  As I mentioned in my last blog, I've pretty much been the HOLD queen for about 8 jobs.  Been released for them all.  How frustrating is that?

I just feel at this level in my career the bookings should be more consistent.  But am I doing what's necessary so that it is.  I've experienced "A" level of success but am I at "THE" level to proceed onto bigger and better.  Without much contemplation, I realize, that I haven't.  Yes I've put in some work, but it doesn't stop once I've booked a few national commercials or print ads.  Sometimes you have to go back and remember the dedication, sacrifice and passion it took before you started getting those jobs to keep you rising to the top.  

We can get so comfortable and tied up in what's happening now, that what's happening now turns into what was happening then and you wind up feeling like somewhat of a failure.  Not cool. Of course I'm not a failure but if I fail to let my own inconsistencies get in the way of progressing my career or in life for that matter, than I will continue to spiral down into this whirlwind of insecurity and doubt that is absolutely not a good look if I want to continue with a rewarding career.

I must admit though, down time does give you the opportunity to see the areas you need to work on. Where you need to step your game up and be more about your business. It definitely humbles me.  No one successful, no matter what their profession made it by getting comfortable.

So I'm gathering my tools.  Mixing up a new batch of energy, self-love, determination, sacrifice, dedication, heart and prayer so that I may continue to RISE UP!

UNTIL Next Time ... remember what it took to get you to where you are!  It may help you get to where you want to be.

They've Got the HOLD World in Their Hands

This past summer was really slow in the industry.  From what I'm learning, that's pretty much how it is.  And in the Fall it picks up.  I think I didn't notice as much in previous years because I was working a steady promotional job.  So that money in out-shadowed the money that wasn't coming in from it being so slow. I decided to give that job up this year as it was time for me to move forward with my career. That meant assessing its importance to my career, cutting down the travel back and forth from Maryland to New York and move to NYC full-time. It was definitely a blessing but sometimes you have to let go so that you can progress.

So auditions and castings picked up tremendously. I've been auditioning quite frequently every day with a couple or more a day.  GREAT right? Well it appeared that I'd be booking a lot more as most of the auditions I went I was placed on HOLD.  For those who don't quite know what that means it means that a person is being highly considered for the job.  They usually want you to hold the dates of the shoot so that they have first option on hiring you in the event you have another client interested in booking you and/or you decide to make vacation/personal plans.

So goodie.  I was placed on hold for several jobs at a time, some shooting within the same week.  I've got to at least book one of these bad boys.  Well, the phone calls and emails started coming that I was released.  By now, I should be used to this "rejection" and not feel a certain way about it. But I believe no matter how long you've been in the business, you still want the job, you still want the money and the fact that you were being highly considered makes you wonder what was the one thing you didn't have that caused them to pick someone else.

Sometimes they pick a man instead of a woman, sometimes they cancel the project. It could be a number of reasons and you can't drive yourself wondering what that one little thing was.  And in actuality, it is a very little thing because as I've always tried to maintain in my thinking is, "what's for me is for me".  PERIOD.  Keep it moving Mo!

Sometimes GOD doesn't open doors for you because it's not your time, you're not ready, you need to be focusing your talents somewhere else or it just ain't meant to be.  The important thing is that you're being seen.  And when you are being seen its important that you leave an impression.  The fact that I got placed on hold or got the callback, shows that I did that part of the job.

Until Next Time ... HOLD on to your DREAMS.  HOLD on to your FAITH.  GOD HOLDS ALL OF IT IN HIS HANDS.

A Dream Not Deferred

This past weekend I had the honor of interviewing some pretty spectacular people.  Celebrities, politicians and civil rights icons.  Everyone came out in celebration of the official unveiling of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. memorial site in Washington, DC.  I wasn't able to get by to see the memorial because of all the ruckus Hurricane Irene caused, but she had not yet hit the scene on Friday. So I was able to experience one of the best moments of my life.

Before attending the event, I did a lot of research.  The information I gained was really a GOD-send as I had forgotten about those who laid the foundation for me ... for us.  As most of us are aware, years ago black people weren't able to do a lot of things. We couldn't eat at lunch counters, we had to enter through back doors and even drink from a separate fountain.  Can you imagine if we still couldn't do those things in addition to the things we hope and dream for.

So many people fought, marched, and were killed so that we could have equal opportunities. It took an enormous amount of bravery and faith to be a voice for an entire race, to make justice and equality a reality for us.  Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s legacy will forever be remembered for years to come.

We don't live in a perfect world, but he fought many societal imperfections that would have otherwise kept us uneducated, poor and inferior had he not done so.  He wasn't just a beacon to black people but for all people and thats why now there is a memorial in his honor.  An african-american man, who wasn't a president or veteran,  but a man who fought effortlessly so that we could stand together as one equal nation under GOD.

I thank Dr. King and all those before me, who have helped shape and mold a path for us to be able to have opportunites, dreams and aspirations.  I will be making every effort to remember and acknowledge everything he and others have done in everything I do.

Until Next Time ... Remember those who fought tirelessly, even died, so that you may Have A Dream.

POWER in Numbers

It's amazing to me how GOD works.  How HE allows certain things to happen in your life. Putting you in certain situations that may turn out to be life changing.  I'm not sure what the future holds, but after a friend put together a group of women, including myself, to help push, promote, encourage and pray for each other ... the possibilities are endless.

It just goes to show how working together ...  BUILDING...  is more beneficial then just trying to go it alone.  Often times, Ive been asked how I deal with competition.  And I've always answered, I don't consider my counterparts competition, or anyone for that matter.  Because what GOD has for me, will be.  And no one can take that away from me.  And vice versa.

It's widely known that black women often times don't support each other.  We tear each other down. Exude jealously and envy. Traits that are unattractive and can be detrimental to our careers and friendships ... Life in general.

So after having such a successful second meeting of our creative group, it was apparent that GOD was all up in there. HE always is though. ; )  Everyone is so talented, beautiful, smart and ambitious. But we can all use some help staying consistent, focused and on top of our games.  But more importantly, we realized how as a unit we are stronger and a force to be reckoned with.

Not just black women, but all women need to work harder to find out how they can work together to build successful personal and professional relationships.  You'd be amazed how collectively, you can build upon each other and increase each others value.

Until then ... thanks for the motivation ladies!!! A fire has been lit and my thoughts are blazing!

GOD's Red Carpet

When I started my journey to being a professional model I'm not sure I really thought how far I would go.  I've added actress because of the commercials I've done, and now consultant, host and mentor.  But since I've settled into my positions and continue to grow them, I made the decision that I was not in it for the money but because I loved it.  I wasn't in it to become famous but to make my life meaningful by doing what I loved. 

I know as a child of GOD that all of my gifts won't be equipped with a pay check.  I know that to become a real star I have to seek GOD's will by continuing to stay in prayer, apply what I've learned and trust that HE is Faithful.  And in turn my relationship with HIM will be strengthened and because HE is faithful the blessings will flow.

GOD has blessed me with so many opportunities.  I know I'll have a gazillion more.  I'll be in positions that will help my career continue to flourish.  I'll meet, interview and mingle with celebrities. I may even become a celebrity myself, maybe become a household name. But my goal is to become a brand that GOD can promote and be proud of.  Whether its making moves in my career or moving on to raising a family. As long as I maintain my relationship with HIM, I will always be a star.

Until Next Time ...  Represent the ONE who has the power to make you shine. After all, HE's super famous. ; )

Humble Beginnings

I know I know. I've been slacking on the blog entries.  Just been kind of unmotivated and lazy.  After a slow period in the industry, a wonderful vacation, visits home to Maryland and some other things in between, I just completely got out of the loop.  But I'm starting to move and get busy.  Slowly but surely.  It's been 4 years and 5 months since I decided to quit my 9 to 5.  And from reading my entries, you know what I've endured, a bit financially, some personally but more professionally.  One of the weekends I went home, I came across a poem I wrote when I first started out on my journey.  I thought this would be a great way to jump back in.  Enjoy.

MY DESTINY

Did I make the right decision?
Quitting my 9 to 5 to enter this world of indecision
Thought my looks would get me right in the door
But in this industry
It takes so much more

You gotta have more than just talent
But IT!
You have to be just what they are looking for
All that and a bag of chips

This is harder than getting up to a job I use to hate
But this is my calling, what I've dreamed of doing
My fate

No one believes in me more than myself
But constantly being let down
Doesn't help

Beating the pavement to castings and auditions
Crossing my fingers
Saying prayers, in addition

Everyday running to my mailbox
Looking for a check, some money, some dinero
And all I get is junk and envelopes
With statements showing how much I owe

Leaving that consistent pay check
Am I stupid?
Why would I leave that security?
OH, that's right ... I decided to see out the plan
GOD has for me

Right now I'm living on hope and my dream
That one day I'll see my face on a billboard
Big or small screen

I can't give up now
I refuse to let "NO" tear my soul up
Just because,
A couple of doors shut

Naw, Blessings are what they are to me
Because if I didn't get that job
It just wasn't meant for me

I know I have to work harder
To see this through
If I don't work damn hard for myself
Than who?

I will stay focused
Keeping my eyes on the Prize
Even if they fill with tears
I'll continue on my grind

This business IS taking its toll on me
But this is my calling, what I've dreamed of doing
My Fate
My Destiny

Until Next time...remember where you were and how far you've come. HE didn't bring you this far to leave you.

Yesterdays News

Repeat This:
I WILL NOT LET THE PAST ERODE MY PEACE.

Looking back is like looking into a rear view mirror. Things look larger than they appear. When you continue to dwell on the things of the past, those situations can grow and spill over into new relationships and experiences. They become negatively bigger than their intended purpose instead of lessons or stepping stones that should guide us toward the spiritual growth and maturity GOD planned for.

FOCUS and BE GRATEFUL for TODAY.   Take in the sun.  The sky.  The roof over your head.  The positive people in your life.  Accomplish TODAY goals.  Be thankful for the car you're driving even if it isn't the car you want. It still gets you from point A to point B. Be thankful for your momma that gets on your everlasting nerves, but GOD woke you both up this morning so that you can work on getting the relationship right. Be thankful for the food in your fridge and your neighbor that always looks out. Be thankful for your job even if its swinging burger and fries.  All that you have... NOW.  Be thankful and Enjoy it.   Yesterday is gone, over, finito and well tomorrow ... is not promised.

Stop complaining, dwelling and being unhappy about things that are over, in the past or you have or had no control over.
 
Until TODAY is Over ... Focus on each NEW DAY that GOD gives you and BE GLAD IN IT.

Sow You're Thoughts On Tight

Its been a while folks but it hasn't been because I've forgotten about the blog. Usually, I blog when something inspires me to.  I really want the content of my blog to be helpful to not only myself, but others. Sometimes you have to watch what and how you say things as you don't want to send the wrong message. This blog is bigger than a place for me to vent my frustrations but also a way for me to fellowship with any one.  Most of us have the same or similar issues, but in all, we all have things going on in our lives than can cause an abundance of happiness or pain.

As most of you who have subscribed or follow, you know that its very spiritual.  I can't deny the fact that GOD is present in my Life and it is because of HIM that I have been able to sustain in every aspect of my life without losing control or taking it to the streets. LOL.

As I have started to stretch my career into other interests i.e. Hosting, it has seemed to be a bit of a challenge.  But hey, I'm used to challenges, and I'm certainly used to jumping over, stepping on and kicking them to infinity and beyond.  But they never stop and well, I never stop pushing through.

I've been on a few interviews that I've got on my own through some people I know who are affiliated with some entertainment organizations or through craigslist.  Nothing has come through yet, but still I rise.  Yesterday, really through me for a loop.  I expressed interest to a company who seemed on the up and up through craigslist.  The first weekend that they wanted to schedule an interview, I was due out of town, the next weekend we had to rescheduled because of the holiday weekend and this weekend was a question mark until 11:32 pm the night before.

I reached out to the young lady I'd been communicating with for the last few weeks on Friday morning to confirm the appointment for this weekend and never got a response.  Then I followed up around 5p and still no response. So I decided to take care of some last minute business that came up which was gonna keep me up pretty late, since I hadn't heard from her.  I figured it was a no go.  But then I get the confirm. So cool. I'm a little blown because of how late I get the email but excited nonetheless because its seems like a cool company to get some more experience under my belt.

I get to bed around 2am knowing that I have to get up pretty early to make it to this appointment on time.  Although my commute is only a 10-15 minute commute to the city, I have to schedule my departure in accordance with the bus schedule.  So I get up bright and early, get myself together, eat a light breakfast and get into the city a little before 10 am.  I wind up making a few stops in stores to kill some time and then head over to the appointment by 10:15p.

I get to the building and try the revolving door...LOCKED. The set of the regular doors to the right.  LOCKED. I even rang the night time bell and no one showed up.  But I could have sworn I tried all the doors but apparently, I didn't because after waiting til about 10:40am a young lady tries the revolving doors...still locked and then the regular doors to the left and walks right in.  OK I am dumbfounded at this point. But I'm thinking maybe they just unlocked them or something.  I was sitting right in front of the building the whole time.  No person came to unlock the door so maybe its something they do electronically. I don't know.  Moving on.

I walk in and low and behold there is a guard sitting at the desk. I didn't even know there was a desk right there.  Because of where the desk is located you cannot see it from the doorway.  So when I see this girl sitting at the desk I am BLOWN.  So as you can see this morning is not going smoothly for me. I'm like "you were sitting here this entire time? Did you not hear the bell I was ringing?" ring-a-ling-a-ling...ring-a-ling-ling! What in the world. Did you not see my shadow or me trying the doors? Were ya sleep?  I just sign in and head to the (holding up 4 ringers) 5th floor.

The young lady that walked in ahead of me didn't sign in but I figured she was also being interviewed.  When I got to the floor, she was there.  I spoke and I got a half-ass hi.  But that's cool. I'm here to take care of business.  So we are both standing in front of the glass doors that lead to the company's office.  However, they are locked and it is pitched dark in there.  I'm still thinking she's here for the interview as well.  Mind you,  I have tried to email and call the young lady who set this appointment up in the first place.  No response. My *blowupuation is increasing...

So finally a man comes out to open the doors for us.  He turns on the lights, the young lady proceeds to one of the offices,  and I have a seat in the waiting area.  I ask him a few questions, because at this point, I don't know if he works for the company or what.  He knows nothing but has informed me that he works in one of the offices.  Apparently, there are different offices/companies in this office.  The way its set up I would have never thought this was not one company.  But nonetheless, that helped me a little, and I decided to proceed to find the office I need and the young lady is sitting in there.

Its a super small office for a company but hey some people work from home or a coffee shop. As long you're handling your business right?  So I walk in, about to take a seat and the young lady says, "do you work here?" I'm like "no." I ask if she is here for the interview,  and with alot of attitude she's like "no I work here, I'm one of the writers." Huh? So you asking me if I work here? What? I proceed to tell her I'm there for an interview with such and such ... who obviously is not there.

She gets up and says, "can you sit out there" pointing out to the lobby.  Damn near shoving me out the door with her body. But of course I can but where is the chick that is suppose to be interviewing me at 1030 am.  This is the office, you work here and I'm about 20 seconds off the blowuputation.  I'm like "she does work here right?" She confirms and I take it back to the waiting area.  First thing I'm thinking, craigslist? really? But I know some friends that have gotten some cool gigs off there so in my pursuit to push my career along, I'm looking into all things.

After about 5 more minutes, she comes out to inform me that 1/ she was not aware of the interview, 2/the young lady who set up the interview is really sick and will not be coming, A SAY WHAT? and get this 3/She states that she is the PR Director. But didn't you just say you were one of the writers. Are you both? Which one is it? Where am I? Is this a dream?  So although a sigh of disgust presents itself, I hold it together and let her finish.  So now, Ms. "Attitude", Ms. "Blown Cause She Ain't Know About My Interview and Has to Conduct It Herself", is going to see if the conference room is available so that we can proceed with wasting my damn time.

Finally, the interview has started and right off the bat this girl is coming at me with attitude. Like she is mad that I had the nerve to walk up in here for this interview that was scheduled by her colleague. And me no likey.  I wanna just bust out and say "Who are you talking to like that?"  So my spirit is shook and needless to say, this interview is not going well.  She is talking to me like I'm not serious about where I want to take this position if I get it, I'm too conservative,  they need someone with personality, and blah blah blah. Did I mention this is not a paid position? But I'm OK with that ... right now. At this moment, I really should have called on the Lord. But I allowed her to take me to a place that basically warped any personality, talent or excitement I had in me.  Not to mention, I didn't have a alot of sleep the night before and just the entire process of it all, wore me out!

Like it is Saturday, I live in Jersey and I need to take care of some really important matters in my life right now and God presented this opportunity, woke me up this morning, guided me safely in the city to make this interview and you talking to me like I just wanna do this for fun! Like I'm some random broad off the street. Did I mention I got bills ...  hole up hole up... a degree in BROADCAST JOURNALISM, been in national commercials, on national advertisements, billboards, publications ... been busting my butt to make it happen and again its Saturday and I got up at 7am to deal with incompentancy, disrepect and disregard for my time and effort!!!! Man get outta hea!

She took me in yall.  She transferred her negative energy and it knocked the wind out of me.  Blowupuation at its finest but I held it in, smiled, thanked her for her time and went on my merry way.  Then she had the nerve to say she liked my hair.  SMH.

I couldn't help to think though that my attitude earlier was the start of this downward spiral though.  On my way to the interview,  a homeless woman asked me could I spare some change.  I didn't have any to spare, but I didn't tell her in the nicest way.  I do live in a city where the begging is overwhelming and where a lot of trickery and con goes on, but I didn't have to damn near roll my eyes in disgust when I told her I didn't have it.

I asked GOD to forgive me on my walk along the way but sometimes there is a lesson to be learned in everything you think, say and do.  I'm sure the young lady that interviewed me had some karma in her day or maybe even today.  Maybe she even thought about her actions and asked GOD to forgive her.  But rest assured it always come right back around. We gotta learn the lesson even if we've realized soon after that we were wrong or what we did was so unnecessary.

You know, regardless of how people got in their situations, good or bad, its not up to us to judge.  But it is up to us to be kind regardless of what we may have going on in our own lives.  Give people the benefit of the doubt.  But also be a blessing to others.

Until Next time ... Think before you Do. Make decisions that line up with the will of God.  If not you will reap more mess, stress and drama.

*Blown- Done. To Through. Gone with the wind.
*Blowupuation - What happens when you're blown excessively.
*Blower-Person who causes this reaction.

On the Surface

The last four weeks have been super slow, especially for my category.  I've probably only been on four auditions within that time.  Still a blessing but not the normal, every week, every day, two to four auditions a day I'm used to.  I'm so thankful that I have not been in a worried state.  No time for that. GOD is good and I can't complain. Sure I want to be auditioning and working constantly but sometimes GOD gives us time needed to perfect other areas of our life.  I've been able to get back on my work out regimen, utilize more of my creative side and am just giving time to other things that need attention that can only contribute to my success in the business and more importantly, as a person.

During this time, I've also noticed how some of my counterparts are super busy doing the same.  Putting their time and effort into things to enhance their career.  Aside from that they may be doing other good works that don't even pertain to acting or modeling.  I don't envy that, I want to do more work outside of my career goals.  But busy doesn't always mean productive.  In terms of what GOD's purpose is for you here on earth, I think its important that we focus on the message we are trying to get across when we are doing so much.

Trust, I certainly could be doing alot more toward standing out and making things happen in my life as well as the life of others. But I think it's important not to forget to work within so that your efforts aren't seen in a self-gratifying way. It may not appear immediately to others, but GOD knows your heart and eventually, the truth reveals itself. Sometimes we are working so hard to help others because that is what GOD wants us to do but its important that we don't forget to help ourselves.

So many times I've seen unhappy, judgemental people doing so much charity for others but have not took the time to raise awareness for themselves and make sure they are doing ok.  Alot of times, they don't even realize it.  And that's an issue.  How can you truly know GOD and what he wants for your life if you don't even realize that you don't carry the spirit of GOD within you wholeheartedly.

I'm sure a lot of us have fell victim to it. I'm certainly no exclusion.  To truly help someone is to help yourself.  When you know better, you do better.

Remember, just because you are doing things in the NAME of the LORD doesn't mean you please HIM.

Until Next Time ... Give back to YOU so that what you give to others is in not in vain.

DIRECTOR:GOD/STARRING:ME

Yesterday, I attended a wonderful event at Trinity Broadcasting Network.  A christian based network that delivers all kinds of inspirational programming.  Tonight's show was hosted by Pastor Dewey Friedel.  I knew that Hezekiah Walker would be performing but I had no idea that I would gain so much from this taping.

Each segment brought energy and a lot to think about.  There was Bishop David Evans from Bethany Baptist Church, Tim Chey, an award winning director and Devon Franklin, producer of the Karate Kid and Jumping the Broom. A perfect night for me to attend with two industry professionals in the house.  The most  memorable of the show was Devon for me.  A lot of what he touched on was so in tune with my journey and experiences. I really appreciated his testimony.

I haven't been to church in a good a little while.  I've streamed it a few times in the last few months and although the message can still touch me, attending church gives you a chance to fellowship.  More importantly, I have not been praying as much and putting aside quality time for GOD.  Which could be why the last two weeks have been totally dead. GOD always has a way of bringing us closer or back to him.  It can be subtle or a catastrophe ... either way HE knows how to get our attention.

A few years ago, I might have been totally going crazy about the lack of auditions and bookings I've had in the last two weeks.  I mean its been NOTHING. But over the years my FAITH has grown into a house of bricks you can try to huff and puff and blow down and well, its not budging.

This down time has actually allowed me to be productive in a lot of other ways and has given me opportunities to be in places that may open up doors to help further my career.  It's been amazing really. But more importantly, yesterday's show pointed out all to well, how when things are going good that we can lose site of why they are.  While my FAITH isn't in jeopardy, my lack of commitment to time with GOD could jeopardize the rest of my life's journey.

I owe all praises to GOD for giving me everything.  HE has produced the FAITH I have to continue through whatever ... the good, the bad, the crazy, the happy, the mess ...  I am more than just a model or an actress, a sister, daughter or friend.  I am a child of GOD that should be demonstrating everyday that HE is worth my time, my love and sacrifice.  Doesn't HE do that for me?

HE DIRECTS every scene of my life.  I should be in HIS word, speaking and living it so that my STAR  continues to shine through EVERY season.

Until Next Time ... Continue to give GOD the praise and the glory, forever and ever.  Amen.

The COLOR of God's Hand

My journey in the last 4 years has been a lot of things. ...  but most of its been surprising ... in a lot of good ways.  You guys have read about challenges, hardship, happiness, pain, loss, confusion, relief ... I could go on and on but all have shaped this road I'm traveling.

Last year I learned about an organization that recognizes the achievements of diverse advertising industry leaders. ADCOLOR. Google it! After hearing and seeing what this initiative contributes to an industry that I audition and cast for, I was on board.

After talking over ideas with one of my friends who introduced me to ADCOLOR, I decided I wanted to be a part of a committee.  But most of the people involved in this organization are the agencies, advertisers and creative teams behind the brands.  So initially I thought, my strong point would be to bring the "talent" side to the initiative more specifically, interviewing the people responsible for opening the doors for this kind of marketing, who create the ads and ultimately keep me auditioning.  It didn't quite work out that way but I was still able to volunteer my services and I was super happy about that.  It was one of the greatest experiences in my life.

Attending the awards show and conference in Miami last year opened up so many opportunities for me to network and make some really great connections.  I've kept in contact with those connections and have worked hard to build and maintain those relationships so that I can be considered for projects. All that work and initiative on my part really set something up for me that proved, yet again, GOD's hand in my life.

Yesterday I attended one of several ADCOLOR meetings we'll have leading up to the show and conference. In a nutshell, we discussed nominations, sponsors, possibilities, the flow, etc. The entire time, I'm thinking OK, how can I step up my contribution to this year's event?  I definitely still want to represent the "talent" side because after all, that is my strong point. 

Everyone has said something or made a contribution and I'm still "thinking" ... about what to say??? Just say it!!!!  The meeting is wrapping up and instead of voicing anything, I decide well I'll take two of the leaders aside and express a few things and see where it leads.  As Tiffany, the Founder of this awesome organization wraps and finalizes the meeting, she talks about some special person deserving of this title, that contributes to the industry and so on.  Then my picture pops up on the screen. MEEEEEEE??! WTH? UNBELIEVABLE!!!  I was named MS. ADCOLOR 2011.  I ... almost ... fell ... out ... my ... chair. Instead I did more of a meltdown in the chair, hence almost sliding out of it. LOL.

My mouth was to the floor and of course for those of you who know me well, the tears started flowing. I could not believe that ADCOLOR was recognizing ME. I guess I do contribute after all. ; ) I represent the finished project for those wonderful ads being aired, hung, posted and distributed ... around the country. And they represent my culture, my people ... ME.

I am so excited about heading to L.A.  for this year's event.  What in the world am I going to wear?  

UNTIL NEXT TIME ... HE may not come when you want HIM, BUT HE IS ALWAYS ON TIME. *pageant wave*

La Resurrección de Sylvia

Today my daddy called me to first wish me Happy Easter.  Then he went on to compliment me about this blog.  He said 'you know you really remind me of your grandmother with your writing.'  Not the first comparison I've gotten to my grandmother from him or any other person for that matter. If you look at a picture of me and my grandmother when we were both children, it looks like the same child.  Amazing. Hair color, eye color, stance, smile...its the same little girl.

She died on October 16, 1991.  Its like yesterday to me.  I was extremely close to my grandmother. As close as a child could be to their mother.  When she died, I can promise you a big chunk of my heart just crumbled up and died.   My grandmother played a big part in raising me.  She never had any daughters, just two boys but when I was born I seemed to be her litte special gift from GOD.  I'm serious. I know most grandparents spoil their grand kids, but this relationship was beyond a grandparents love. There was certainly something very special about GOD choosing this grandmother for me.

I love(d) all my grandparents.  And they have all helped me in many ways. They cared for me and  provided for me.  But something about Sylvia T. Pridgeon (Peggy) was extraordinary.  She touched so many people in her 58 years.  Her funeral was that of a princess or pop star.  At the time, my father was a  police corporal, and we had police escorts from the church in Maryland to the cemetery in DC ... motorcyles, squad cars, officers at posts. There were no cars getting through this funeral procession. And if they even tried, it was not a good day for them.  lol.

I can remember riding in the limo looking out the back window in amazement.  All this for my grandmother?  All these people came out to celebrate her life. They were all very affected by her life and her passing.  I'd never personally seen that amount of people at a funeral other than when a friend had gotten killed at a young age, which was happening alot around that time.  It was historic for me.

Recently, in dealing with LIFE, I had an epiphany. That although my grandmother touched so many lives, I feel like GOD brought her here especially for me.  And he took her away because of me.  There were some lessons I was to learn while she was here, but more importantly her death would be a greater teacher of things I would need to remember and get through as an adult.  GOD used my grandmother to instill some principles, values, creativity, and love in me that I would need to utilize during my time here.

But for the pain I experienced losing her, I've forgotten some of those things she taught me.  Today the light bulb turned on and I remember all too well of how she expected me to act, what to do, what to say and how to say it. My grandmother let me get away with a lot but don't get it twisted, she did not play.  You can be cute, popular, spoiled and have all the latest gear, but you better do it with some manners and respect. In other words...act like you got some damn sense.

She was my Angel.  My own personal messenger from GOD. When you're young, even though kids are smart, it may take a while for them to form their own personal relationship with GOD.  We don't have enough experiences or relationships to grow from. Your parents, grandparents and other family are there to help you, to teach you, to bring you up and through. If you have a good well rounded foundation you're rooted in, then you are certainly BLESSED.

It's important to me that I resurrect all that she taught me because I have to believe that GOD used her for that purpose.  Not just the bible,  preacher, or minister has to convince me. Because she lived I know HE lives.  Today I don't think of my grandmother in the cemetery, her spirit is not there.  Her spirit has always been with me.

Today in remembering Christ's resurrection and all HE has done to bring us closer to GOD, also remember others that GOD has brought in and through your life to lay a strong foundation for it.

Happy Easter Grandma and to everyone reading this blog.

Until Next Time...Remember, Easter says you can put the TRUTH in the grave, but it won't stay there.

FAITH State of Mind

I started to name this entry New York State of Mind. I book jobs that can take me anywhere in the country but my dream has taken shape here.  But not everyone's course in life will bring them to the Big Apple.  Your leap of FAITH can start or take you any place really.

Sometimes when I'm headed to an audition, a meeting or just hanging out with friends, I can't believe I'm here.  It's amazing to me that I quit my job four years ago to pursue a professional career as a model and actress and HOST. ;) I actually did that?  WOW!

It is truly a blessing how far I've come, how much I've accomplished and the number of amazing experiences I've been able to be a part of.  I've met so many incredible people that have really helped shape this journey, my career goals and my heart.  I've had tremendous support from family, friends and people I barely know.  That all says alot about my decision to make this career transition ... and that it was the right move.

New York, if you can make here, you can make it anywhere.  Those words resonate everytime I book a job I thought only a dream. Everytime I take advantage of an opportunity I may not have had had I stayed in Maryland and at my same job or everytime I see myself on a shelf, a billboard or in a window.  It's a bit crazy to see myself in ad.  All I can do is smile and thank GOD.

I still have alot I want to do.  But just because I'm not a household name doesn't discount the success I've had in this business.  The people who should know me, will know me.  The jobs I should book, I will.  I try not to get caught up in why I didn't book a certain client. It seems to always come back around.  The fact that I was requested and seen is a big step.

My FAITH, which started this journey, has kept me from quitting and has encouraged me to continue on.  My life may not be what I want it to be but its more important that it's what GOD wants it to be.  I'm not here to be a Tyra, a Shaun (Access Hollywood) or a Queen Latifah, but they all have inspired my goals.

I'm Monique Pridgeon.  A star in my own right.  A young lady who stepped out on FAITH to pursue a dream, an aspiration, a goal ... my destiny.

Whatever it is you want to do in life, DO IT!  I can't stress that sentiment enough. Utilize your FAITH to get the ball rolling.  Wherever you are, START.  How committed, motivated and most definitely how passionate you are, will determine how FAITHFUL you are to just doing what your heart desires.  To rely on your FAITH is to rely on GOD. Believe in yourself and trust in HIM.

Until next time ... get into a FAITH STATE OF MIND.

Model Behavior

I've been fortunate in this industry to be considered a model and an actress.  I didn't realize how much a difference it was between the two.  While the views expressed in this blog don't go for all models and actors, there is something certainly to be said about the difference between the attitudes and personalities of both. 

I was blessed to book a 4 day shoot this past week.  It was on location in Connecticut.  Ten talent were booked and were divided into two groups.  Everyone was attractive, but it was clear who the "actors" were and who the "model's" were.  I was a part of the "model" group. 

My experience on this shoot was truly overwhelming. Normally, no matter how many talent, whether its on location or local, relationships are formed. Sometimes those relationships last long after a job is completed.  I've made a lot of wonderful friends on shoots.  Friendships that have help add to my longevity in this industry, that have been supportive and that have just been a blessing to my life as a whole.  This was not the case on this shoot.

Honestly, I could not wait to get back home.  The crew, makeup artists and stylists were all very cool.  But there were a mix of personalities on this shoot that I could definitely due without.  I came home mentally exhausted, not just from the long days of working on the shoot but from the affect of the personalities in my group in particular.

First up, the 40 year old half Russian with the Napoleon complex who didn't even know who Kathy Lee was and stated that the world could do without hip hop. This guy here ...  I would leave this job with a head full of information about how many businesses he owned, how old his wife was when he met her, how long he's been married, how beautiful his wife is, why they aren't having kids, situations that happened between him and his wife's family, things about his brother, his parents,  trips, weed, enemas, all of his opinions about everything and barely getting a word in edge wise to respond, expand, or even just take one thing in at a time and process it.  He talked about himself constantly. His voice was loud and annoying and I had to dig down deep a few times...OK the whole time to not just tell this dude to shut the you know what up.  It was apparent that he got on everyone's nerves.  I'm pretty certain his actions were probably the main reason the other group isolated themselves from us.  I was guilty by association.

Then there was the 25 year old model who's voice was a mix between Bette Midler and a valley girl.  She got on my nerves at times as well, but I clicked more with her. She knew everything but didn't no a thing. If you get what I mean.  She made statements that were just ignorant and just not true. I'm like where is she getting this information from. How can somebody just make statements that are so false but defend them so adamantly.  I just kept my mouth shut most of the time. Because sometimes you just can't tell people anything without a debate or them thinking you think you know everything.  One day I asked her was she on twitter and she replied no. I went on to tell her that I'm working on branding myself so it was only natural to get on twitter. She asked did I have a blog, but then proceeded to say something to the affect that pretty much if I'm not a "somebody" nobody really cares what you're blogging. HA!!! Did she just really say that to me? Somebody done told her wrong or in this case, not at all.

Then there was the 30 year old soft spoken, fair skinned model.  She reminded me of Jackie Kennedy, mainly because of how she was styled for the shoot. She "seemed" sweet but something didn't feel one hundred about her. She and the second guy in my group, the tall ethnically ambiguous male model, really clicked.  And there was me, the age ambiguous (lol) African American.  The only one on the shoot, which I thought was odd, because African American men auditioned for this.  But it didn't matter to me either way.  I booked it and I was there to do a job.

Usually, everyone plans to eat together. It's just sort of a ritual, especially when you are away on a shoot.  We become a family of sorts and this is one shoot I didn't feel that connection.  Not that I'm seeking it or planning to make lasting relationships with all or any of these individuals, its just an unspoken comradery. We're all leaving behind loved ones for an extended period of time so its just natural to form a bond.  The 25 year old was more of a free spirit, she hung out with 2 of the production crew members more so. The sweet one, the obnoxious one, and the cool guy formed their little click. And then there was me. I ate dinner by myself one night. It was cool though. The other group stuck together as a whole but were more of my personality.  How fun they were really came out in their acting during their scenes.  My group thought they were being a  bit over the top.  I thought they were great. 

On set, the director constantly asked my group to amp up the energy level but it was like a feat for them.  Did they not understand that this was a commercial shoot?  Its all about high energy and fun. We're at a casino ... hellooo! But they stayed true to their "model" selves and I was left to represent for me and not the group.  Off the set, there were times that I would go into a completely other holding room, just to get away from their annoyances.

I found out later that the other group gave out names to a couple of the individuals in our group and stated that "clearly, I didn't belong on their team." LOL. But I know their comments were based really on my attitude compared to the others.  I heard that two of the models in my group were disrespectful to the wardrobe assistant and to one of the makeup artists.  I couldn't believe it.  After wiping her arm pits with a wet wipe, she threw it at the makeup artist to trash and the other ordered the wardrobe assistant where to hang his clothes. 

This behavior and these attitudes are new for me.  I have sensed "attitude" at some auditions.  But attitude usually works on the runway, not in many commercials.  And unless a casting director and/or client is just crazy about how you look, you will not book a job that way. I'm assuming besides the way they look, my group did well in the audition but I gotta believe that this experience was a test for me.  GOD puts us in situations to show us things about others and more importantly things about ourselves.

The saying "treat people how you want to be treated" was never more embedded in my head than during this experience.  The selfishness and complaining displayed during this shoot was a pain in my entire body. Not to mention the rudeness.

On the trip up to Connecticut, all but two people in my group was in my van.  The "sweet" one rode in the "actors" van and the "cool silly model" joined us later that evening.  He was booked on another shoot earlier that day.  By this time we didn't know what the set up was.  But on the trip back, the other van that held the "actors" was packed.  I had to believe that no one wanted to ride 2 hours back to NYC with the talkative 40 year old. I even had a seat to myself.  The "sweet" one naturally went to the van she rode up in and her buddy, "the cool silly model", followed.  We had one of the "actors" in our van on the way up but he opted to ride back with his group. Which was understandable, he had formed his bond with them during the shoot.

I had been sitting in the van for about 20 minutes, so before we got on the road  back to NYC, I decided to go the bathroom one more time.  I'm gone 5 minutes, come back to the van and I see that the "sweet one" and the "cool guy" have joined us.  But not only that, my bag is moved to the seat in front of where I was sitting and ms. "sweet one" is sitting in my seat.  #1 you didn't ride up in this van, #2 you chose to ride back in the van you came in and now #3 you gonna move my stuff and sit where I was sitting. And not only that the people that remained in the van didn't bother to say, hey Monique is sitting there???? Really??? Everything I had held in for 4 days, was surely about to burst all up and through that van. 

"Oh you want to sit here?" Ahhh yes I do because that's where I was sitting.  And not to make a big deal about it, but its the principle. How you gonna just move my purse and proceed to make yourself comfortable where I obviously was sitting.  The nerve.  But I pulled it together quickly, got my seat back, put my earplugs in, turned up the ipod and zoned out.  Trying not to process everything that happened in those four days was hard.  It was a lot to digest.  But I manage to sleep a little.

There are some insensitive people out here but I can't control anyones actions but my own and pray for everyone else.  As I continue to work on me, that process is even more important to me.  I don't ever want to be a thorn in anyones side.  I want to have a genuine attitude, with genuine intentions.  No you don't have be my friend, no we don't have to hang out but it says alot that you can respect others and be kind to them without knowng them well.

So glad to be removed from that nonsense.  But am stronger because of it.

Until next time ... Model your behavior after someone who treats others well.