Learning To Endure

The past month and half has been busy because auditions and castings have picked up tremendously for me. It has been a slow challenging year to say the least. In October I auditioned every week, about 2-3 times a week. Awesome sauce!  What is even more exciting for most of those appointments I was put on hold (being highly considered or top choice). I was on hold for six jobs in one week. I hadn't been on hold for that many jobs, at one time, in years. One year I was on hold for seven jobs and I booked four out of the seven. So surely, this time, I would have the same success, right? I'm much further along in my career ... a seasoned vet!  After a long drought the bookings are about to come on through.

Ummmmm NOPE! I booked one job. Now, don't get me wrong, I am thankful BUT a couple of those jobs were real healthy on the rate. But no dice. I was disappointed but not to the extent of tears. I just said ok GOD, you've got this. Something bigger is in store, I just gotta wait on it. In the meantime, I just need to prepare for what's to come.  After the six holds and five releases, I got two more holds. Ok for sure, I'm gonna book something. Nope! Released! Again! Both jobs. All I could do is smile because surely something amazing is around the corner. I know this in my heart and spirit.

What I have learned this year, honestly,  in the last month and a half, is how to endure the disappointments. I would state before that it doesn't get easier not booking the job, no matter how long you've been in the business. But I have to say in my present moment I beg to differ. What I know for sure is that GOD is in control. He has already proven that I am meant to be in this industry by the success I have already had, the tons of people who come up to me and say I inspire them, the eight recent holds and the constant reminder, encouragement, love and support I get from my friends and family.  I'm meant to be here and I am talented enough to be here. A release, hell, a booking doesn't 100% confirm that. There have been plenty of people not so talented or not even serious about being in this industry, get the job. I have to know despite who the client chooses for the job that that has nothing to do with me because I showed up, did my job and the rest is out of my control. Auditioning is preparation ... whether its in the casting room or in your living room.

But learning to completely rely on God has taught me the job doesn't give me provision but HE does. We too often times make our lives so much harder than it has to be. All God wants for us is to surrender to HIM so that He can show us how amazing and faithful He is. Surrendering doesn't mean giving up on your passion or dream but trusting in the gift GOD has given you and doing the work to prepare for the blessing God has in store for you ... which is usually bigger than we could even wrap our heads around. Doesn't that you get you excited for whats to come?

It may even come in a different form of what or how we perceive but it doesn't matter because we are  prepared to receive IT, whatever IT is. GOD is something else.

So if you are in a place of giving up and quitting. DON'T! Maybe you need clarity about where you are right now. Am I good enough? Am I too old? Why did I set out to do this? Why am I constantly up for the job but am not hired? ASK GOD the questions you want to know so that you are not receiving the wrong message from outside influences. You are good enough. You are successful. You are talented and meant to be right where you are. Be present in that moment. Accept it and move forward in it. I promise you what GOD will reveal will take you to another level in every level of your life.

Until Next Time: Pray, Prepare and God will Present.

Colossians 1:9-12 ... Continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way; bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. 

Wasted Talent

Hey errrrrbody as they say it in the DC area.  It's been a while since I've been on the blog but life happens. I know some of my blogs can be somewhat repetitious. "I'm tired of this industry. I got released again. I ain't auditioned in weeks. Somebody I thought was a friend -Aint!" You know just blowing off steam trying to handle life the best way I know how but hoping to help someone, including myself in the process.

Since my last post, I have booked a few jobs (Thankful)... direct bookings at that! Which is sweet. For those who may not be familiar with what a direct booking is, it means I was booked directly from my pictures. I didn't have to go in for a casting or audition. Throughout my career I've had some really nice ones come along. Recently, I was on hold for two nice jobs I went in for. I mean one could have put me in a different financial bracket. OK, not really BUT let's just say I could pay off some thangs!! For real, that last one I didn't book hurt my feelings. I mean I cried a little, shouted at GOD and then ate a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Ice cream makes everything better. But I've gotten through the blow and am working on some new projects and trying to re-birth some others.

I went out to Cali the end of June to reboot! I spent a week out there clearing my mind but also maximizing my time by visiting agencies and scheduling a photoshoot to update my portfolio. Here's one of my favorite images from the shoot!

I've been wearing my hair natural for almost two years now so I wanted to get some more looks with it in its new ... well original state. I've been getting tons of amazing feedback! I just need to book some work y'all. Ugh! I digress. I also met up with some friends out there who are also in the business and I managed to work in some fun too.

But what I will tell you about being in the industry I'm in, is that you will either quit or you will realize those "other" talents you have so that you can one, survive and two, keep busy enough to avoid driving yourself crazy waiting for your agent to call.  Sure, I've known for some time what other things I'm good at but I've been a lazy uncommitted procrastinator with no excuse.

We all want things to just be easy. Sometimes I'm like why couldn't my parents be rich or you know when something goes wrong in your house or your car, you wish you had someone in your family you could call to come fix it ... like for free. I mean can I have some doctors or dentists in my family. I'm not gon even go into these prices dentist are charging - I mean you have to damn near finance getting your teeth clean. No shade, I'm just sayin' - shout out to all my DDS's.

But anyway, back to the subject at hand.  There are some things I've had conjuring up as of late. Some great ideas that I think would really take off if I just get serious and focused, i.e. turn of Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop, The Braxtons .... HASHTAG DONTJUDGEME. Y'all know reality TV will suck you in. TV in general for all you Scandal and How to Get Away From Murder folks. Un hun. But as much as I get all caught up in the madness of crazy TV,  I could certainly choose to spend my time more wisely. There has to be a level of sacrifice to get the things you want. And what I want to be is happy, at peace, out of debt and NOT still busting my butt going to these casting and auditions as if I just started in this business. Jesus what is going on? I'm not saying I gotta be Zoe or Taraji (granted they do film and TV but you know what I'm saying) out this piece but I'm getting older and my mind and body just ain't what it used to be. HASHTAG EASYBUTTON ... Pleeeeease. OK, I'm sorry. Maybe this blog should be called something else like "Complaining,Venting and Gettin' Off the Subject". But that's what blogs are for right? To share your thoughts and feelings so you don't lose it on somebody or lose yourself. I'm just trying to let go and let GOD.

Any ole ways, I don't always know what HE's doing or why things don't go my way, but I Love GOD. Amidst the jokes and sarcasm, I know HE is real. HE continues to provide, comfort and protect me. And I certainly have much to be appreciative of. I've been successful as a model and commercial actress and I've done more than most. But boy does He have a way of whipping you into shape. He will squeeze everything out of you to get you where HE needs you to be. I've been blessed to be very creative, kinda cute and somewhat funny. But my creativity is what's going to push me to another level of reward, fulfillment ... greatness.  

Everyday I decide to just wake up and half ass or do nothing ... I push further away from my destiny. Today I am not all I could be ... spiritually, mentally or professionally. But it's time for me to stop focusing on this one side of me that's already been successful. Sure there are other levels I'd like to get to as a model and actress but I will have to create more avenues to get there, not necessarily because I have to but because I can. No, this blog entry isn't profound but a wake up call. I'm tired of waiting for other people to give me an opportunity. Feel me? Sometimes I wish it were easier, but if it were, everyone would do it.   

I hope I'm helping someone here because just writing this is getting me excited about all that I am capable of doing. What's your current situation? Have you applied your other skills to creating something outside of what you already do? Are you fully utilizing your talents and gifts? "Do not neglect your gift ... " 1 Timothy 4:14. HASHTAG NOTETOSELF.

I'm challenging you (and myself) to step out of your comfort zones, get pumped and riled up, focus, commit and DO SOMETHING ... ELSE!

Until Next Time ... Watch this awesome sermon from T.D. Jake's: https://youtu.be/DWOFcTc3K00

It inspired me so much.

*If for some reason the link gets deleted or you are having issues opening, copy and paste in your browser or google T.D. Jake's "Cheering You On". Its from his Aug 9, 2015 service. Enjoy!

Value in the Valley

If you are going to bring forth anything in your career, your marriage, or your life; if you're going to develop anything in your character; if you're going to be fruitful,  it will come through the things you suffer.  You will enter into strength through sorrow. - Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible.

Lord Have Mercy.  Woooooooh! It has been a challenging year for me.  I joined the union (SAG) and I have not booked one commercial. The commercial auditions have been few and far between and I can't even seem to get a callback. If I ever needed a miracle it is NOW. But that's how I feel.  GOD is in control and no matter how much I want things to change ... right now... in an instant ... the challenges just keep coming ... one after another.  In other words .. . I am going to have to fight for my career, for my joy, for peace ... for everything God has for me.

I quit #345! Yup, ready to give it up and turn it lose (remember that song by EnVogue) because it's hard. It hurts. It's frustrating. I'm tired. You've heard it all before ... I know, and I'm still here right? ... having persevered. This is just another valley in my career and it's going to make me stronger right? Well of course it is ... cause I'm still in it. But what about the "life" stuff that's going on too. Ugggh. Ok ... Let me just focus on my career at this point.

I've been in this industry a little over 8 years now. Not very long but long enough to be experienced. So this is what I do. I am a professional. I'm taking classes and networking hoping to grow in my craft and stand out. However, as I grow and change, the industry is changing ... and not in my favor.  Now, a large percentage of commercial auditions are non-union. Well that stinks for me because I've graduated to this high honor of being a part of the prestigious Screen Actors Guild (make sure you say that in like a deep announcer voice).  Well, while I'm making my way up the ladder (more like a step stool) ... among other prestigious actors, I will go hard and be booking tons of print work until my next big national commercial booking. Ummm not so much because the "industry" now wants to add video portions to print work because of the Internet and these castings are only open to non-union folks. So look at there, another reason for me to be frustrated and give up what I've worked so hard for. The devil is liar.

Then I think, well have I done all that I can do to get where I need to be? Let's face it it's not all up to me.  I have other people deciding my fate. If I'm not the "right" fit, I will not book the job. No matter how well I did in the audition. No matter how cute my boo thinks I am, I may not be the beauty they are looking for.  But then that's what is also frustrating. If you want women with long hair, why am I here?  If I'm not the right physique, why am I here? Can y'all be more specific so I can be more specific with my time. But half the time, if not most,  these folks don't know what they want.  (insert hissy fit)

Earlier this year I got called in for a Diabetes audition. The part wasn't specific so why should I think I don't fit whatever part or character they are looking for.  I get to the audition and the casting director pulls me in his office and says, "Monique, I think you're gonna be too thin for this role." Say what now? I just trekked all the way from Maryland (visiting my family) to get here for this union spot that could help me pay off some things and I ain't even right for the part?  (insert gas face and me faking like I'm ok with this ... I am actress after all).  I pulled it together and I went in there with my aspirational looking self and did my best. Sometimes your best isn't good enough ... for them. But you have to own what you do and be fine with it.  Leave it in the room (and how easy that ... it aint! Just saying)

In my anguish, heartache, frustration, sadness and anger I go in with prayer, reading, writing in my journal, networking, taking notes, reaching out to folks for encouragement, even doing a fast. Things I should be doing everyday or more often anyway (sigh). But in doing all of the above I came across this:  We all have dreams but if they are "our" dreams and we have not consulted our Heavenly Father, then they lack vision and purpose toward a higher goal.  

There is more to me than being in a commercial or featured in print ads, obviously. I'm a sister, aunt, friend, daughter ... I'm pretty dynamic.  I'm organized and pretty creative. Let's not talk about the projects I've started and why they are just sitting there waiting to be dusted off and put to use.  Maybe my vision is to narrow minded.  I'm not thinking big enough.  I need to buckle down and focus on God's plans, not my own. His will be the only to succeed anyways.  So, even if I wasn't right for the part, that experience is part of HIS plan and it will serve a higher purpose.  I have know that.

Until Next Time ... Don't become preoccupied with pain ... this is not the time to give up. PUSH because God is about to birth a promise through you. Cry if you must, and groan if you have to, but keep on PUSHING.  God has promised that if it is to come into the world, it has to push through you. -Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible