Too Much Advice?

This may be a continuous pain in the butt throughout your life.  Whether it hits you personally or to someone you know. Dealing with people who have no respect for you, who are unhappy about the things happening for you and will do everything in their power to make sure your life is as uncomfortable, sad and negative as their own.  These are wealthy people, beautiful people, people who may have some really good things happening in their lives but all the good that is happening for you is the bane of their existence.

This is a person who has even helped you in a time of need, let you cry on their shoulder, maybe even helped you out financially. But even with all they have done for you, and lets just add you've done some really awesome, from the heart, because you love this person things for them as well, does not constitute them treating you like crap. NOTE: This is abuse.

Of course throughout the years you grow to the love this person but while you are steady growing they are steady on some other sh*t! Excuse my language.  But it really is more effective.  What do you do? When do you say enough is enough.  When do you say, hey I love you, but I love me more and this just ain't working out.

A friend of mine called me last night about a friendship that has been offering her nothing but disappointment on a sliver platter.  So me being a seasoned veteran in this area...LOL... no but its really not funny, I was there to hear her out and try to give her some sound advice.

While offering my advice, and this happens often, I revert back to a situation that happened to me.  In doing this, am I re-living the situation? Am I still hurt about it? Must I always use those situations as examples to get my point across? I mean I've managed to keep my head above the crap and have been able to move passed it ... I think?

Whatever it is, after I've finished the conversation, I always feel like now why did I bring that back up? Like, was it necessary?  My advice should be based on how I rose above it right?   Maybe in all my advice giving, I never really figured out after you decide to move past the relationship,  how do you move past what the person did?  Is that even possible? You may forgive but you never forget.  Maybe I'm over-reacting. Maybe its just an honest effort to help the person understand why I had to make the decision to not be friends with this person any longer.  People do some F'd up stuff man! NO I'M NOT PERFECT.  But some stuff you should never do.  I'm just saying. I digress.  

Maybe talking about it is a part of my healing process.  I don't know.  But it'd sure be awesome to be able to just zap all the bull crap that ever happened to you from your memory right?  But then how would we be able to help others?  Everyday all of us are going through situations to strengthen us, to help us grow and to help someone else. But does it mean they have to know every detail about how you got there? Geesh, I got 99 questions and a answer for none. LOL.

Well what I will work on is focusing on what it is the other person needs and not what I think I need to promote for them to understand why they should ultimately, make the decision that is best for them.  Now suppose they ask you what happened? Well, really all they need to know is that hey, that person did some things that were not cool, very unfriendly and I had tomake the clear decision to start a new chapter ... without them.   You will always remember what they did, and it may take some time to let that part go of deciding to forgive them, but over time, it will become less of a detailed chapter in your life.

Until Next Time ... Remember not everybody deserves the luxury of your friendship.

What a Week!

The last five days have been a roller coaster of emotions.  After a long lull, GOD blessed me with a big booking.  It shot in Raleigh, North Carolina with an amazing cast and crew.  The Friday before I was to leave for Raleigh I learned a friend lost her baby.  I was in such shock.  She just had a baby shower and I even got a chance to rub her belly.  And in one instance ... the baby is lifeless. Not even a chance to enter this world and grow up to be a toddler, a kid, a teen, an adult.  A baby not to be nurtured by his mother but by the Father.  One could think it may be a better place to be instead of in this cruel corrupt world. To grow up in the Kingdom can only be a special privilege, right?  To never have sinned, to have your heart broken or experience a loved one's death.  I can't imagine what she must be feeling.

Then this past Saturday, I lost my grandmother who was 82 but had been ill for sometime.  She suffered from a neurological disease that caused her body to shut down. She was bed ridden for years and for the last year she was being fed through a feeding tube.  Over the years, I watched how her body deteriorated but amazingly how her mind was still sharp.  Although she was immobile and could hardly speak, at least clearly, when I would come to visit her, she always greeted me with a big smile.

I saw her a week before she passed and I got to see that big ole smile one more time.  Through her thick full head of salt and pepper gray hair that stayed in a pony tail and her flawless skin, I saw that she was tired.  Something definitely felt different this visit.  Something in her eyes and her breathing was accompanied by a groan. Like she was fighting to breath.  Maybe I sensed the end was near.  Saturday, October 24th, 2012 she went home.

I am at peace with her death. For some reason it seems easier to mourn the elderly. I mean 82 years is a long time to be here on earth. We can only hope that we make it as far and in good health.  But I feel joy and relief because she is no longer suffering. She no longer has to lay in that bed with her feet and toes bent in different directions, with her neck slumping over or bed sores consuming her body. No more being fed some beige liquid through a tube and being washed from a pan.  She's got her wings and a brand new body ... eternal life.

On Monday, October 26, 2012 Hurricane Sandy ripped through the Northeast like a Tasmania devil.  Ruining hundreds of homes, costing many lives and leaving a lot with no power. Sandy pretty much shut two states down. It's three days later and some still have no electricity, including me.  The client flew us all out on Sunday morning so that we could beat the storm.  So I was not at my home in Jersey to experience the storm or the aftermath and because of my grandmothers passing I was flying to Maryland which hadn't experienced the same amount of destruction as New Jersey and New York.

People have lost homes, loved ones, and memories. No one imagined that Sandy would be this devastating.

I woke up this morning, Thursday, November 1, to head to the airport to go home to Maryland and I learned my dear friend lost her fight to breast cancer.  I ... cannot ... believe ... this ... I only knew my friend for maybe a year or so but she touched my life greatly.  I knew that she was battling cancer but with her vigor for life, her positive attitude, her beautiful smile, her confidence and strength ... she was incredible ... you would have never known this illness was eating her up inside. I loved this girl.

As I write this, I just continue to shake my head because I just can't wrap my head around it.  She left behind two children. This was just so unexpected ... for me anyways. For a lot of us, really. She just celebrated her 37th birthday. Maybe she didn't want us to worry or be wrapped up in her fight.

But we were just getting started.  We had accumulated so many memories already. We spent the holidays together. We brought in 2012 together. Who would have thought two months shy of another new year, she would be gone. 

Death is so final ... on this side anyways.  I will miss the fact that I won't meet my friends first baby. I will miss my grandmother.  I will miss my friend. But by God's grace, I will see them again.  Yes, it hurts that I can't just pick up the phone and call my friend or get in my car and go visit my grandmother, but they are no longer suffering.  No one wants to live in physical pain.  The pain we feel is intense right now, and we will still hurt, but it does it get better.  My grandmother and Rina were not going to be healed on this side so they had to move on.   I have to be at peace with that.

We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.  - 2 Corinthians 5:8

For those who are going through trying times right now because of the storm, be thankful that you still have your life.  You can get new homes, new clothes, new material things ... replacements.  You can even make new memories. It may take some time, it may even seem impossible, BUT GOD, you will get there, you will get through.

Until Next Time ... Cherish your family, your friends, your experiences ... because in the blink of an eye they can be taken away from us and then all we have to cherish is our memories ... Make them great! Make them count!  I pray for peace, for recovery and healing for us all.