If you are going to bring forth anything in your career, your marriage, or your life; if you're going to develop anything in your character; if you're going to be fruitful, it will come through the things you suffer. You will enter into strength through sorrow. - Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible.
Lord Have Mercy. Woooooooh! It has been a challenging year for me. I joined the union (SAG) and I have not booked one commercial. The commercial auditions have been few and far between and I can't even seem to get a callback. If I ever needed a miracle it is NOW. But that's how I feel. GOD is in control and no matter how much I want things to change ... right now... in an instant ... the challenges just keep coming ... one after another. In other words .. . I am going to have to fight for my career, for my joy, for peace ... for everything God has for me.
I quit #345! Yup, ready to give it up and turn it lose (remember that song by EnVogue) because it's hard. It hurts. It's frustrating. I'm tired. You've heard it all before ... I know, and I'm still here right? ... having persevered. This is just another valley in my career and it's going to make me stronger right? Well of course it is ... cause I'm still in it. But what about the "life" stuff that's going on too. Ugggh. Ok ... Let me just focus on my career at this point.
I've been in this industry a little over 8 years now. Not very long but long enough to be experienced. So this is what I do. I am a professional. I'm taking classes and networking hoping to grow in my craft and stand out. However, as I grow and change, the industry is changing ... and not in my favor. Now, a large percentage of commercial auditions are non-union. Well that stinks for me because I've graduated to this high honor of being a part of the prestigious Screen Actors Guild (make sure you say that in like a deep announcer voice). Well, while I'm making my way up the ladder (more like a step stool) ... among other prestigious actors, I will go hard and be booking tons of print work until my next big national commercial booking. Ummm not so much because the "industry" now wants to add video portions to print work because of the Internet and these castings are only open to non-union folks. So look at there, another reason for me to be frustrated and give up what I've worked so hard for. The devil is liar.
Then I think, well have I done all that I can do to get where I need to be? Let's face it it's not all up to me. I have other people deciding my fate. If I'm not the "right" fit, I will not book the job. No matter how well I did in the audition. No matter how cute my boo thinks I am, I may not be the beauty they are looking for. But then that's what is also frustrating. If you want women with long hair, why am I here? If I'm not the right physique, why am I here? Can y'all be more specific so I can be more specific with my time. But half the time, if not most, these folks don't know what they want. (insert hissy fit)
Earlier this year I got called in for a Diabetes audition. The part wasn't specific so why should I think I don't fit whatever part or character they are looking for. I get to the audition and the casting director pulls me in his office and says, "Monique, I think you're gonna be too thin for this role." Say what now? I just trekked all the way from Maryland (visiting my family) to get here for this union spot that could help me pay off some things and I ain't even right for the part? (insert gas face and me faking like I'm ok with this ... I am actress after all). I pulled it together and I went in there with my aspirational looking self and did my best. Sometimes your best isn't good enough ... for them. But you have to own what you do and be fine with it. Leave it in the room (and how easy that ... it aint! Just saying)
In my anguish, heartache, frustration, sadness and anger I go in with prayer, reading, writing in my journal, networking, taking notes, reaching out to folks for encouragement, even doing a fast. Things I should be doing everyday or more often anyway (sigh). But in doing all of the above I came across this: We all have dreams but if they are "our" dreams and we have not consulted our Heavenly Father, then they lack vision and purpose toward a higher goal.
There is more to me than being in a commercial or featured in print ads, obviously. I'm a sister, aunt, friend, daughter ... I'm pretty dynamic. I'm organized and pretty creative. Let's not talk about the projects I've started and why they are just sitting there waiting to be dusted off and put to use. Maybe my vision is to narrow minded. I'm not thinking big enough. I need to buckle down and focus on God's plans, not my own. His will be the only to succeed anyways. So, even if I wasn't right for the part, that experience is part of HIS plan and it will serve a higher purpose. I have know that.
Until Next Time ... Don't become preoccupied with pain ... this is not the time to give up. PUSH because God is about to birth a promise through you. Cry if you must, and groan if you have to, but keep on PUSHING. God has promised that if it is to come into the world, it has to push through you. -Woman Thou Art Loosed Bible
