I kept trying to figure out what I would name this entry. And the only thing I could think of was, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." This week had it out for me. While I was blessed with two bookings, I seemed to dwell on the things that didn't happen or one thing I couldn't really avoid that rocked my world. I've been having dental issues since January. I've had 3 root canals in 3 months. While my teeth are pretty decent in the front, my molars have a mind of their own.
I don't have dental or medical insurance and I've had to dish out a lot of money lately trying to make up for lost time. $395 for the OBGYN, $690 for the lab work and $150 to go back to the doctor for her to tell my results. Has the health industry lost their minds? Or have I just been irresponsible with taking care of myself and investing in health insurance. I'm not going to even touch on how much I've had to spend on the dental work which is not over.
This week my teeth got the best of me. Well one tooth in particular that totally took me to another place and time. The pain was so excruciating that I saw stars. The pain from the tooth itself, the pain from the needle the doctor had to poke my gums with 3 times to get me numb and then another 3 more times when the numbness was wearing off literally shrunk my spirit to a pulp. I cried in that chair as if it was the end of my existence. But the day before was the beginning to this tragedy.
I booked a shoot that really wind up annoying the heck out of me. And that could have all had to do with me not feeling well. I woke up that morning with my face a little swollen. But I was in good spirits. But as the day progressed pain and more swelling began. I had medication from previous work I had done but apparently what was going on with my tooth got worse and the medicine was not going to keep the infection at bay this time. I had been trying to hold off until I could get the money to get the 3rd root canal done but the tooth had had enough and was not going to give me a break.
I hadn't eaten much that morning. I ate a banana and stopped at Jamba Juice for a energy smoothie. They had craft service at the shoot but I didn't really have an appetite. I was basically eating to accommodate my medication. It took no time for me to get hair and make up done but it took a while for me to get wardrobe and I wind up sitting around for hours with some of the other talent. I also had a big callback that I was trying to get to, possibly during lunch. The client is not obligated to let you go but hey you gotta ask. Mostly everyone in the industry is understanding to such things but you just never know. I told one of the Production Assistants my deal and he said he would ask the client if I could leave to go to the callback during lunch. It was only a few minutes away and I could be in and out.
Well after a couple of hours he finally came over to tell me that the client said no. For some reason that didn't sit well with me. Because of some of his demeanor and how he was kind of handling things on the set, I didn't really feel he even asked the client. But I wasn't sure. But I kept contemplating whether or not I should ask them myself. I was going to talk to the director as well, but never really got a good opportunity to pull him to the side. Honestly, the shoot seemed a little unorganized. They made this big deal about the shoot because Benjamin Millipied, Natalie Portmans fiance, was the director. But with 2 callbacks and some kind of "secrecy" behind the project you would have thought we were getting paid 5 figures for this job. Thankful nonetheless, but it was a lot going on for what seems to be a non-existent product. Most of us still didn't understand it all. Ummm I'm still a little confused.
So after being there for 4 hours and not one foot on the set yet, I finally decided to ask the client myself. It just didn't make sense. I could have gone to the callback 10 times at this point. But all of sudden the PA calls me outside to tell me that he's gonna let me leave. By this time it was about 1pm, my callback time was at 1245p and the casting was breaking from 1 to 2p. I called my agency to see if there was any chance they'd be around between that time, but it was a no go. And I had to come the realization that I was not going to make this audition. WOW. I'm better about it now, but it was a little hard not to dwell on it. But I have to say my whole tooth experience overshadowed everything.
I was doing good. I had to double up on the drugs and that made me sleepy. But I hadn't eaten enough and I was feeling very nauseous. I ran to the bathroom a few times but I couldn't purge. We finally broke for lunch and I attempted to eat but still not quite an appetite. But what I did eat wouldn't stay down for long. I used the bathroom but my stomach was still upset. After washing my hands, off to the toilet I went and all hell broke loose. While I managed to get to the toilet, what came pouring out of my mouth also went all over my pants from wardrobe. Keep in mind, I still hadn't shot. I felt better, but Lord, what about my pants. I wind up calling one of the other actresses over to the bathroom to tell her what happened and she went to get the stylist and my pants so I could change and try to clean the other ones.
The stylist came running to the bathroom hysterical. In her french accent, "what is wrong with you?" Ahhh I'm sick lady! But she was cool. I cleaned off the pants with some water and she brought me a blow dryer so I could dry the pants off. And Viola! All clean. After a while the nausea came back a little but I was able to maintain. Still waiting around a bit to get on set and at this time I'm like I so could have gone to my callback. This is crazy. But I always try to practice what I preach. But boy its hard sometimes, especially when it pertains to yourself. I always say whats for me is for me. And apparently it wasn't in the Creators plan for me to make that callback. But the adversary will always strive to point out what things could be if I had certain things, making it seem like that those things make me happier or make my challenging situation just go away. And that's so not true.
In previous posts I've expressed finding my happy. And I could have made that callback and still may not have booked the job. So what then? I still wouldn't be afforded what could have come from that booking, i.e. the money. And basically that was my focus. I know what it could have possibly done for my career but I have to know that GOD is in control and my career is going to be what it is despite not making that callback, or any other callback for that matter, and maybe not even booking the job. The point, be grateful that you were in the running. I'll be in the running again. And just because I am still doesn't mean I'll get the job.
I did wind up booking another job for Thursday. But my face was swollen even more after the procedure I had on Wednesday and that job was in jeopardy because the client could wind up replacing me. But I accepted that. My main concern was feeling better. After talking to my agency, sending them pictures of my face and them talking with casting and casting talking to the client, they still wanted to book me. Ain't that a blessing. So I was down as long as I felt OK the next morning. It started out a little rough, because again I took my meds on an empty stomach. It was 430 in the morning. I was more concerned about staying on schedule. I showered but felt like I was gonna vomit. I got out, crouched over for a little, drank some ginger ale and just prayed to GOD to help me keep it together.
I had to curl my hair and needed to be out the door at least by 705am to get to the city and make it to the pick up van. Well I made it! And I made it through the shoot. It was a pretty easy day and everyone was super nice and understanding to my situationn. I was still a little self conscious but I quickly got it together and put on my "swollen" game face and knocked it out. Everyone was aware of my situation so I had nothing to feel bad or self conscious about. They can retouch the swelling.
So I'm sitting here today in better spirits. So over taking these drugs but will because if not I'll be in misery. And we all know misery loves company. But there is a rainbow in the clouds. And I can see its tail end. I'm looking forward to a prosperous, more manageable week to come. If I can get through what I experienced this past week, I can get through anything. And I think GOD allows the rough experiences so that HE can reiterate that I can.
Thank you Lord.
Until Next Time ... Keep Thanking GOD for bringing you through.
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