Thank You Lord

In preparing to go home to Maryland this week to visit my family and friends, the excitement overwhelms me.  Although, they aren't too far away and I do kinda see them often, it is something about the holidays that really brings a warm and fuzzy feeling inside of me.  But this year, more than ever,  I feel a need to be really connected to them, to really show them that I love and appreciate them.

GOD has truly blessed me with some amazing people in my life.  And a lot of those amazing people are in my family.  It is so important that I thank GOD for all that HE has given me, especially the  people HE has brought in and through my life.  Whether I've endured trials with some or had to let some go, it is still a blessing to have been touched by those individuals in some way because I've learned who to be and who not to be and how to be better so that I can do better.

As this year is coming to a close, GOD is cleaning my house. And I mean that in the figurative sense, of course. I am so fortunate that HE loves me so much to remove the non-sense out of my life so that I can continue to walk the path HE has laid out for me. To enjoy the blessings in store and share those blessings with those people who truly love, support and care for me. The wonderful thing is no matter how often the enemy tries to use others to stop me in my tracks, GOD is walking right beside me to knock them right out of the way. Ok maybe a little nudge. LOL. Sad thing, some never learn.  But we have to keep praying for those brothers and sisters.

Their journey is not mine and I am certainly not here to judge.  Im here to be a disciple in HIS kingdom and that means doing everything I can do be the person HE wants me to be. Loving those who love me and continuing to love those who don't.  After all, that's what GOD does.  HE's so awesome that way.

So I THANK YOU GOD for it all.  The good, the bad, the joys, the pains, the sun, the downpours, the challenges and the getting through it all, standing strong in your army. YOU are my strength, my guide, my deliverer, my sword and my father in heaven. GLORY be to GOD in the Highest!

Until Next Time ... and always, give thanks for all GOD allows in and removes out of your life.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving ... everyday.

On Target - Everything in GOD's Timing.

It's nearly 5 years since I quit my job to be a model full-time.  I can hardly believe the time that has gone by.  And quite frankly, according to industry standards, that I'm still doing it and have been quite successful.

I have a vision board, which by the way is probably needing some attention and updates.  And on that vision board I have all kinds of clients I want to work with, which some, I already have.  But there was one in particular that I've been wanting to book for a while now.  I've seen them a few times and when recently going back home, I came across one of my bibles and noticed I wrote in the back of it in June 2008 that I was going to a casting for this particular client and that I was going to book them.

Well as GOD would have it, I didn't book them that time and I didn't book them the other 2 times I saw them.  Well earlier this year I went on another casting for this client and shortly right after I was placed on hold (being considered) but yet again, I got released and didn't book the job.  So this past September, I got a call that this client was interested in booking me (again). Of course, the excitement is moving through my veins and the anticipation of hearing back from my agent was building.  But I remained calm and kept it moving with other auditions and life in general.

Well finally, I get the text, not even a call (I love my agent) that this time I BOOKED THEM!!!  You would have thought right away I would have been jumping up and down like a kid. But I think it was taking me a minute to process it.  But about 10 minutes later, ok maybe 5, LOL, I was jumping up and down like a fool.  I was headed out to Los Angeles to shoot for TARGET!!!

I did it! And GOD answers, "uhh like why wouldn't you. I got this!"  So this goes to show you that anything you want is possible.  Anything you desire, you can have, but you will not receive the glory until GOD feels you are ready to receive.  Accept that, keep it moving, keep shining, keep smiling "knowing you can always count on HIM, for sure ... that's what GOD is for." Did I just make a gospel song out of Dionne Warwicks, "That's What Friends Are For" ... LOL.

But seriously, GOD has your back yall.  You just have to trust and believe that.  Don't base someone else's life, goals, achievements, issues ... whatever ... on your life. Everyone's journey is different.  Something you want you may not get, but I guarantee what you will get, will be much bigger than you ever imagined.

I am rooting for you!!! Keep your eyes on the prize!  It took me 3 years to book Target.  But I never gave up.  In the mean time, GOD blessed me with some other amazing opportunities and I never looked back at what didn't happen.

Until Next Time ... Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him and he will make your paths straight.

Fair-weather Friends

It took me a while to decide if I was going to write this post.  I never want to be interpreted as being negative.  People who REALLY know me, know that anything I say or do is coming from a genuine place.  I don't know everything and I'm certainly not perfect.  But this blog is here for me to express myself, to give the reader an understanding of me, my feelings, how I plan to deal with those feelings,  move on and with hopes to help someone get through a similar situation, of course, POSITIVELY. 

For the majority of my life I've had to deal with others insecurities, i.e. WOMEN.  If things are going good for me, they're mad. If my outfit is cute, they're mad. If I'm with someone they like, they're mad. If someone gives me a compliment, they're mad.  They just mad mad mad.  And frankly, I'm done with being the reason for them not being completely satisfied with the person GOD made them to be.  But of course they're issue is deeper than me.

Everything given to me, whether its my looks, my talent, my family and even my friends are from GOD. So frankly, if you mad at me, you're mad at GOD.  Whats more important, you can't take away anything GOD has planned, lined up, or has in the works for me.  So please stop the MAD-ness!  Really, at this point in life GROW UP!  Aren't you tired of trying to win against me. I am in no competition or race.  I am a child of GOD and when you go up against his children, YOU WILL NEVER WIN!!! So please get with the program.

I had to straight check a friend two weekends ago.  She is always calling me about her drama, and I listen. I give her advice, lift her up and give her my support.  But this chick fails to support me. Everytime I ask her for a favor...I mean everytime yall...not that she's never done anything for me, but I can probably count on one hand and we've been friends for quite some time.  And its small stuff. Stuff I'm willing to even give her money to do.  But she always got 100 reasons as to why she can't.  And I have had enough.  So in letting her know how I feel, she made a comment that was a wake up call.  She told me to "get over myself!" HUH? Cause I ask you do me a favor but everytime I ask you, you can't can't can't.  And I need to get over myself??

Wait I'm the same chick that holds you down, invites you to hang out, gives you clothes, listens to your drama, shares my family and friends, and of course checks you when you need to be  (cause that's what friends do) and I need to get over myself? Wow, where did that even come from? Obviously somewhere deeper than the favor I asked of you. I barely see you, but when I come in town, you can't find a minute to spend some time with me? I ask you to do a small favor and you cant cause you gotta do something for your co-worker that you've known 5 minutes and it's only gonna take you 5 minutes to do this favor for me?  So seems to me this "friend" needs to get over herself and the 100 excuses she's got in her hat as to why she can never help a sista out!

I'll do anything for my real sister.  And I consider my genuine friends my sisters.  And I look out as much as I can when I can for my girls.  No questions asked.  Now I can't say I've always been so easy to give of myself in the past, but that's the past.  The heart has always been there, it just may have come with a little extra. But I've grown up and am consistently working on me.  And when I need to be checked, I'm sure my girls handle it. 

So in going through this experience with her I've decided that she is just a person I can't depend on.  Point blank. And you know what I'm so cool with that because I do have friends I can depend on.  Who love me GENUINELY. Ain't hanging with me for no ulterior motives, keeping their enemy close or because its the GODLY thing to do.  KEEP IT REAL. If you don't like me. STEP! Don't waste my time because I don't need the negative energy, the deceptiveness or the lack of support.

And with all that I still LOVE you ... from a distance that is.  I am DONE  fighting to just be ME.  Why I got to not be me around you because you're insecure. I am DONE yall.  And I've talked to GOD and you know what? It's alright.  Because HE is the one showing me these so-called "friends" TRUE colors ... REVEALING THE FRAUDS.  And when HE does... It's time for you to go!!!  You're TIME IS UP sista, brotha..whoever!!!

We have had our season.  Thanks for being a part of a lesson I needed to learn about me and about friends in general.  I'm am done  sticking in there for people and they ain't sticking in or up for me.  I am not mad, I'm am not angry, I am just done. And I say that with a smile, a laugh even.    They'll find something. *side eye*

So Until Next Time ... Don't stress over those trying to cause stress in your life.  Pray for them as GOD is the only one that can help them through.  They have to first realize that they have an issue.  And maybe you can restore the friendship but you can't help those who aren't trying to help themselves.  We deserve friends who are down for us no matter what. Who want to see us prosper and succeed.  Who are just as happy for us as if it were their happiness because when good things happen to us, they happen for them.

As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance (approval or favor, encouragement, moral support) of his friend. Proverbs 27:17(NKJV)

H E A L I N G

Sometimes you don't know how to put into words how you're feeling or what you're going through but every so often a song comes along that expresses exactly what you're going through.  Music speaks to us in a way that speaks immeasurable volumes.  It helps us get through, helps us move on or transform. It can make us happy, sad, vulnerable but is a gift, in my opinion, to our souls.  A more special, unique way that GOD communicates to us.  There is a song that communicates to all of our emotions ... we can all find one.

Sometimes you don't want to talk to a friend, a pastor, counselor or therapist.  You want to just get through your battle with GOD by your side and a song in tow!  Maybe you don't know how to best communicate to GOD. Maybe you think there is some special way you have to.  You just say it. There is no script.  No rehearsal.  Just say it .... shout it ... maybe even sing it.

Without going through the few things I'm dealing with, I wanted to share this song that really spoke to   my spirit.   A calling out to want to be the person GOD intended me to be.  Finding myself back to ME.  The whole me.  To being sure about myself and the decisions I make.  Dealing with mistakes and regrets as a learning experience and not a reason to beat myself up.

I love this song by Jill Scott.  A great interpretation of how I feel some days.  But an indication that I am not alone.  That we all need GODs help to get through.  To deal. To heal.

Until Next Time ... Whatever you're going through, find your song back to YOU.  Things do get better.

In the FAST Lane

Last month, I decided to fast from watching television for an entire week.   In light of things not going as I would like them to go, I figured I remove some distraction and just focus on hearing GOD.  The television is so addictive and can put you so far off track that you lose so much time watching the same stuff that comes on all day every day. 

The time encouraged me to start reading a book I'd started reading earlier this year and because something crazy was going on with my ibooks application on my Ipad, I hadn't quite re-visited  it to figure out what the issue was. I thought about buying the hard copy in the store but never got around to it.  So finally, I decided to download the Kindle application to my Ipad and buy the book again.  I've yet to finish it but I'm much further along than I was from the first time I started reading it.

Not had I started reading one book but another that a friend had written. I was forced to answer questions about my life and my career.  About friendships, activities and things that seem to be keeping me from living and loving wholeheartedly.

Practicing self control is important to me and important to receiving the full Blessings GOD has for me.  Fasting seemed to help me stay the course.  Focused.  Determined. Sound.  Open. So I'm making a commitment to GOD that I will fast at least once a month. Whether its for an hour, a day, a week, or the entire month. I believe the commitment to fasting will strengthen me in my trouble areas and avoiding distractions and bad habits won't become second nature.

I want to respect the person I am and continue to improve and mature into the woman GOD intended me to be.  It's important to me that HE knows that I am trying. Not just saying that I'm trying but actually making a conscious effort, taking physical steps to show HIM that I am serious about our relationship.

Until Next Time ... When things are stagnant or slow and not moving the way YOU would like, get in the FAST lane.  GOD will write you a ticket you can't refuse. ; )

Social NOT-Working

OK. I am a guilty of doing this but it doesn't mean it's right!! LOL. But I have to say you're almost forced into it. Everyday I'm on the bus or train, even just walking down the block.  Everyone is communicating with their friends Sprint, Verizon, AT&T, T-Mobile, and whoever else that offers a cellular service or data plan.  Granted it is the way of the world, but lets face it, we have lost a GENUINE connection/contact with people because of it.

The times that I've been able to strike up a conversation with a stranger, offer a smile, a seat or help with a stroller or bag, there was a connection made. It not only makes you realize that there are still some nice people in the world who don't mind making your life a tad bit easier even if its just for 30 seconds, but boy it makes you realize that when it does happen,  how much of this old-school way of connecting to one another is lacking on a such a huge level.

People are often surprised when a nice gesture is offered to them.  They sometimes appear a little nervous or taken aback.  Almost putting up a guard between them and the other person with their trusty piece of technology that "holds their entire life" in the palm of their hands.

I met an older guy who had traveled from Georgia, on the bus earlier this week.  He was a bit confused as to whether he was on the right bus to an area he could best catch the sky line of New York.  Our conversation started at the bus terminal but ended almost at the front of my building.  We talked about quite a few things in our short meeting but we both were able to help each other.  And I wasn't even looking for it.  GOD works it out that way, ya know.

I helped him get to the right place and he offered me some good Life advice.  Had he relied on his phone to map out the directions or if I was too involved in a game of words with friends or checking emails, this meeting, this conversation, this connection, the lesson would have been lost.

I realize some mornings, OK a lot of mornings, the first thing I do is pick up my phone and check for any missed calls, emails, etc. instead of thanking GOD that I was able to open my eyes this morning to even look at the darn phone.  This madness has got to stop.  I think its important that we dedicate time aside from our busy schedules to connect to GOD, to connect to his people and to connect to ourselves.

I know that the internet is the Information Super Highway, it offers an abundance of information at lightening speed. It has evolved in more ways than we could have ever possibly imagined,
but isn't it a different feeling to go down the road less traveled. To receive help, information, or a story  from a REAL person. Isn't the lesson a bit more meaningful?  Isn't it nice to have a nice dinner with your boo without him/her missing your subtle glances that scream "I love you" because he/she is answering emails after work hours or just on "your time."

Set some limitations.

If it is important, the voicemail, the missed call, or the email will still be there.  Do you think GOD will allow you to miss an opportunity that He most likely put in in your path. Its highly likely he puts people on your path ... on your bus, train, plane, road, etc. for some reason or another. But we miss any any opportunity to connect to a LIVE person because we are head first into our technical vices.

Think about this: If you took a second to help a young lady trying to get a stroller up the stairs in the subway; to say hello to a person who looks a little down or even ask them if they are OK; to offer an elderly person your seat;  to slow down for just a minute to give someone directions instead of blowing them off cause you're just too busy on your phone ... you have made a difference in someones life.  Isn't that really what life is all about ... making a difference.

I remember when I was traveling back and forth from Maryland to New York City, I had to walk up and down stairs with my heavy suitcase, lugging it to auditions, on the train and through the streets.  It did something good to my spirit when a young man would offer to help me.  Man, that made such a difference in my day because on more days than some, no one offered.  I was tired, hot, cold, near the brink of breaking down and that simple gesture, made me feel good ...  for at least a minute.


SOCIAL means: seeking or enjoying the companionship of others; friendly; sociable; gregarious or living;  disposed to live in companionship with others or in a community, rather than in isolation.


Until Next Time ... Remember PEOPLE are social beings ... not Cell Phones and Computers. Don't lose the connection with each other.

Don't Put A Question Mark Where God Put A Period

A lot of times I make my life so much more hectic and complicated then it has to be. I stress over things I simply have no control over. I focus on the minor details of things and second guess my decisions.  When if I just continue to trust in GOD and that HE is in control, well, LIFE, would be, ahhhhh, so much more calming for me.

Life really is like a box chocolates.  You never know what you're going to get.  Sometimes we get what we didn't plan for and then a major meltdown occurs. We get negative ... discouraged, sad, frustrated.  We become nut cases and GOD is like "Really? Haven't I always come through?"  And you're like "Yes Lord, But..."

There are no IF's, AND's or BUT's about what GOD can do, has done and will continue to do.  The Lord is Faithful and no matter how bad a situation has seemed in your life, you can always look back and say "Thank Ya Lord!!!" because look at where you are now.  Professionally, I want to be further along.  I wanna be booking every job I get placed on hold or called back for.   But I had to realize that maybe GOD closed some of those doors (and its been consistent lately) because I'm believing to small.

Maybe GOD has something bigger in store for me.  Maybe my career is past the jobs that require 12 hour days, takes a lot more energy and pays a lower rate.  SIDEBAR: I'm not saying I'm too good to take a lower paying job, but hey if GOD is saying that, who I am to question the One who made/makes it all possible. I'm just saying. Maybe my life is moving to the next phase, the next chapter. Who knows?  GOD knows.   And I have to continue to TRUST that if I'm not booking certain jobs or any job, for that matter,  that that is the way GOD has planned it.

Yes I got bills.  Past due bills. Late bills. Too many bills. Can you pay my bills? LOL. There I go again, back to my old self, focusing on the money and not the love and passion that nurtured me and gave me the confidence to quit my 9 to 5 (almost 5 years ago) to pursue this full-time.  The money will come.  It always does. *smile* And when it comes, it's usually more than I ever expected because I stepped back and stopped making plans on my terms.

GOD'S results speak for themselves and will always prove that I will give birth to more in my future than I've lost in my past.  If GOD puts a period in a relationship, a job, a thought, any chapter of your life, DO NOT question it.  In the end he always causes you to triumph.

Until Next Time .... Don't sweat the small stuff!