La Resurrección de Sylvia

Today my daddy called me to first wish me Happy Easter.  Then he went on to compliment me about this blog.  He said 'you know you really remind me of your grandmother with your writing.'  Not the first comparison I've gotten to my grandmother from him or any other person for that matter. If you look at a picture of me and my grandmother when we were both children, it looks like the same child.  Amazing. Hair color, eye color, stance, smile...its the same little girl.

She died on October 16, 1991.  Its like yesterday to me.  I was extremely close to my grandmother. As close as a child could be to their mother.  When she died, I can promise you a big chunk of my heart just crumbled up and died.   My grandmother played a big part in raising me.  She never had any daughters, just two boys but when I was born I seemed to be her litte special gift from GOD.  I'm serious. I know most grandparents spoil their grand kids, but this relationship was beyond a grandparents love. There was certainly something very special about GOD choosing this grandmother for me.

I love(d) all my grandparents.  And they have all helped me in many ways. They cared for me and  provided for me.  But something about Sylvia T. Pridgeon (Peggy) was extraordinary.  She touched so many people in her 58 years.  Her funeral was that of a princess or pop star.  At the time, my father was a  police corporal, and we had police escorts from the church in Maryland to the cemetery in DC ... motorcyles, squad cars, officers at posts. There were no cars getting through this funeral procession. And if they even tried, it was not a good day for them.  lol.

I can remember riding in the limo looking out the back window in amazement.  All this for my grandmother?  All these people came out to celebrate her life. They were all very affected by her life and her passing.  I'd never personally seen that amount of people at a funeral other than when a friend had gotten killed at a young age, which was happening alot around that time.  It was historic for me.

Recently, in dealing with LIFE, I had an epiphany. That although my grandmother touched so many lives, I feel like GOD brought her here especially for me.  And he took her away because of me.  There were some lessons I was to learn while she was here, but more importantly her death would be a greater teacher of things I would need to remember and get through as an adult.  GOD used my grandmother to instill some principles, values, creativity, and love in me that I would need to utilize during my time here.

But for the pain I experienced losing her, I've forgotten some of those things she taught me.  Today the light bulb turned on and I remember all too well of how she expected me to act, what to do, what to say and how to say it. My grandmother let me get away with a lot but don't get it twisted, she did not play.  You can be cute, popular, spoiled and have all the latest gear, but you better do it with some manners and respect. In other words...act like you got some damn sense.

She was my Angel.  My own personal messenger from GOD. When you're young, even though kids are smart, it may take a while for them to form their own personal relationship with GOD.  We don't have enough experiences or relationships to grow from. Your parents, grandparents and other family are there to help you, to teach you, to bring you up and through. If you have a good well rounded foundation you're rooted in, then you are certainly BLESSED.

It's important to me that I resurrect all that she taught me because I have to believe that GOD used her for that purpose.  Not just the bible,  preacher, or minister has to convince me. Because she lived I know HE lives.  Today I don't think of my grandmother in the cemetery, her spirit is not there.  Her spirit has always been with me.

Today in remembering Christ's resurrection and all HE has done to bring us closer to GOD, also remember others that GOD has brought in and through your life to lay a strong foundation for it.

Happy Easter Grandma and to everyone reading this blog.

Until Next Time...Remember, Easter says you can put the TRUTH in the grave, but it won't stay there.

FAITH State of Mind

I started to name this entry New York State of Mind. I book jobs that can take me anywhere in the country but my dream has taken shape here.  But not everyone's course in life will bring them to the Big Apple.  Your leap of FAITH can start or take you any place really.

Sometimes when I'm headed to an audition, a meeting or just hanging out with friends, I can't believe I'm here.  It's amazing to me that I quit my job four years ago to pursue a professional career as a model and actress and HOST. ;) I actually did that?  WOW!

It is truly a blessing how far I've come, how much I've accomplished and the number of amazing experiences I've been able to be a part of.  I've met so many incredible people that have really helped shape this journey, my career goals and my heart.  I've had tremendous support from family, friends and people I barely know.  That all says alot about my decision to make this career transition ... and that it was the right move.

New York, if you can make here, you can make it anywhere.  Those words resonate everytime I book a job I thought only a dream. Everytime I take advantage of an opportunity I may not have had had I stayed in Maryland and at my same job or everytime I see myself on a shelf, a billboard or in a window.  It's a bit crazy to see myself in ad.  All I can do is smile and thank GOD.

I still have alot I want to do.  But just because I'm not a household name doesn't discount the success I've had in this business.  The people who should know me, will know me.  The jobs I should book, I will.  I try not to get caught up in why I didn't book a certain client. It seems to always come back around.  The fact that I was requested and seen is a big step.

My FAITH, which started this journey, has kept me from quitting and has encouraged me to continue on.  My life may not be what I want it to be but its more important that it's what GOD wants it to be.  I'm not here to be a Tyra, a Shaun (Access Hollywood) or a Queen Latifah, but they all have inspired my goals.

I'm Monique Pridgeon.  A star in my own right.  A young lady who stepped out on FAITH to pursue a dream, an aspiration, a goal ... my destiny.

Whatever it is you want to do in life, DO IT!  I can't stress that sentiment enough. Utilize your FAITH to get the ball rolling.  Wherever you are, START.  How committed, motivated and most definitely how passionate you are, will determine how FAITHFUL you are to just doing what your heart desires.  To rely on your FAITH is to rely on GOD. Believe in yourself and trust in HIM.

Until next time ... get into a FAITH STATE OF MIND.

Model Behavior

I've been fortunate in this industry to be considered a model and an actress.  I didn't realize how much a difference it was between the two.  While the views expressed in this blog don't go for all models and actors, there is something certainly to be said about the difference between the attitudes and personalities of both. 

I was blessed to book a 4 day shoot this past week.  It was on location in Connecticut.  Ten talent were booked and were divided into two groups.  Everyone was attractive, but it was clear who the "actors" were and who the "model's" were.  I was a part of the "model" group. 

My experience on this shoot was truly overwhelming. Normally, no matter how many talent, whether its on location or local, relationships are formed. Sometimes those relationships last long after a job is completed.  I've made a lot of wonderful friends on shoots.  Friendships that have help add to my longevity in this industry, that have been supportive and that have just been a blessing to my life as a whole.  This was not the case on this shoot.

Honestly, I could not wait to get back home.  The crew, makeup artists and stylists were all very cool.  But there were a mix of personalities on this shoot that I could definitely due without.  I came home mentally exhausted, not just from the long days of working on the shoot but from the affect of the personalities in my group in particular.

First up, the 40 year old half Russian with the Napoleon complex who didn't even know who Kathy Lee was and stated that the world could do without hip hop. This guy here ...  I would leave this job with a head full of information about how many businesses he owned, how old his wife was when he met her, how long he's been married, how beautiful his wife is, why they aren't having kids, situations that happened between him and his wife's family, things about his brother, his parents,  trips, weed, enemas, all of his opinions about everything and barely getting a word in edge wise to respond, expand, or even just take one thing in at a time and process it.  He talked about himself constantly. His voice was loud and annoying and I had to dig down deep a few times...OK the whole time to not just tell this dude to shut the you know what up.  It was apparent that he got on everyone's nerves.  I'm pretty certain his actions were probably the main reason the other group isolated themselves from us.  I was guilty by association.

Then there was the 25 year old model who's voice was a mix between Bette Midler and a valley girl.  She got on my nerves at times as well, but I clicked more with her. She knew everything but didn't no a thing. If you get what I mean.  She made statements that were just ignorant and just not true. I'm like where is she getting this information from. How can somebody just make statements that are so false but defend them so adamantly.  I just kept my mouth shut most of the time. Because sometimes you just can't tell people anything without a debate or them thinking you think you know everything.  One day I asked her was she on twitter and she replied no. I went on to tell her that I'm working on branding myself so it was only natural to get on twitter. She asked did I have a blog, but then proceeded to say something to the affect that pretty much if I'm not a "somebody" nobody really cares what you're blogging. HA!!! Did she just really say that to me? Somebody done told her wrong or in this case, not at all.

Then there was the 30 year old soft spoken, fair skinned model.  She reminded me of Jackie Kennedy, mainly because of how she was styled for the shoot. She "seemed" sweet but something didn't feel one hundred about her. She and the second guy in my group, the tall ethnically ambiguous male model, really clicked.  And there was me, the age ambiguous (lol) African American.  The only one on the shoot, which I thought was odd, because African American men auditioned for this.  But it didn't matter to me either way.  I booked it and I was there to do a job.

Usually, everyone plans to eat together. It's just sort of a ritual, especially when you are away on a shoot.  We become a family of sorts and this is one shoot I didn't feel that connection.  Not that I'm seeking it or planning to make lasting relationships with all or any of these individuals, its just an unspoken comradery. We're all leaving behind loved ones for an extended period of time so its just natural to form a bond.  The 25 year old was more of a free spirit, she hung out with 2 of the production crew members more so. The sweet one, the obnoxious one, and the cool guy formed their little click. And then there was me. I ate dinner by myself one night. It was cool though. The other group stuck together as a whole but were more of my personality.  How fun they were really came out in their acting during their scenes.  My group thought they were being a  bit over the top.  I thought they were great. 

On set, the director constantly asked my group to amp up the energy level but it was like a feat for them.  Did they not understand that this was a commercial shoot?  Its all about high energy and fun. We're at a casino ... hellooo! But they stayed true to their "model" selves and I was left to represent for me and not the group.  Off the set, there were times that I would go into a completely other holding room, just to get away from their annoyances.

I found out later that the other group gave out names to a couple of the individuals in our group and stated that "clearly, I didn't belong on their team." LOL. But I know their comments were based really on my attitude compared to the others.  I heard that two of the models in my group were disrespectful to the wardrobe assistant and to one of the makeup artists.  I couldn't believe it.  After wiping her arm pits with a wet wipe, she threw it at the makeup artist to trash and the other ordered the wardrobe assistant where to hang his clothes. 

This behavior and these attitudes are new for me.  I have sensed "attitude" at some auditions.  But attitude usually works on the runway, not in many commercials.  And unless a casting director and/or client is just crazy about how you look, you will not book a job that way. I'm assuming besides the way they look, my group did well in the audition but I gotta believe that this experience was a test for me.  GOD puts us in situations to show us things about others and more importantly things about ourselves.

The saying "treat people how you want to be treated" was never more embedded in my head than during this experience.  The selfishness and complaining displayed during this shoot was a pain in my entire body. Not to mention the rudeness.

On the trip up to Connecticut, all but two people in my group was in my van.  The "sweet" one rode in the "actors" van and the "cool silly model" joined us later that evening.  He was booked on another shoot earlier that day.  By this time we didn't know what the set up was.  But on the trip back, the other van that held the "actors" was packed.  I had to believe that no one wanted to ride 2 hours back to NYC with the talkative 40 year old. I even had a seat to myself.  The "sweet" one naturally went to the van she rode up in and her buddy, "the cool silly model", followed.  We had one of the "actors" in our van on the way up but he opted to ride back with his group. Which was understandable, he had formed his bond with them during the shoot.

I had been sitting in the van for about 20 minutes, so before we got on the road  back to NYC, I decided to go the bathroom one more time.  I'm gone 5 minutes, come back to the van and I see that the "sweet one" and the "cool guy" have joined us.  But not only that, my bag is moved to the seat in front of where I was sitting and ms. "sweet one" is sitting in my seat.  #1 you didn't ride up in this van, #2 you chose to ride back in the van you came in and now #3 you gonna move my stuff and sit where I was sitting. And not only that the people that remained in the van didn't bother to say, hey Monique is sitting there???? Really??? Everything I had held in for 4 days, was surely about to burst all up and through that van. 

"Oh you want to sit here?" Ahhh yes I do because that's where I was sitting.  And not to make a big deal about it, but its the principle. How you gonna just move my purse and proceed to make yourself comfortable where I obviously was sitting.  The nerve.  But I pulled it together quickly, got my seat back, put my earplugs in, turned up the ipod and zoned out.  Trying not to process everything that happened in those four days was hard.  It was a lot to digest.  But I manage to sleep a little.

There are some insensitive people out here but I can't control anyones actions but my own and pray for everyone else.  As I continue to work on me, that process is even more important to me.  I don't ever want to be a thorn in anyones side.  I want to have a genuine attitude, with genuine intentions.  No you don't have be my friend, no we don't have to hang out but it says alot that you can respect others and be kind to them without knowng them well.

So glad to be removed from that nonsense.  But am stronger because of it.

Until next time ... Model your behavior after someone who treats others well.

Check Please!

The sometimes unfortunate side of the industry I'm in is that payment for a job can come months...and months away from the day you actually did the job.  Its fortunate to know that you have money coming but when is it coming.  Its so important to be smart about managing your money.  Or you can end up robbing Peter to pay Paul.  And that's a bummed feeling.  I always try to stay on top of my bills but that can sometimes be a challenge when my wages aren't coming in as quickly as I hoped.

I reach out to Mr. and Mrs. Agency inquiring for an update or status of when I'll be paid.  And you get "oh the client pays slow", or "I'll touch base in a few days", or "I was unable to get in touch with the client" ... the excuses are surmountable.  But what can you do really, is keep on top of them and wait!  As you realize this pattern, you have to extend your funds the best way you know how so that you are able to stay afloat when payments are not coming in as quickly as you like. 

Today when listening to my Pastor preach his current lesson in the TRUTH, I realized what I already knew, that the facts are just that...the facts. I may be late on a bill, I may be dealing with a health issue, I may be dealing with relationship/friendship drama, my car may be acting up ... these are the facts. And those facts can depress you, discourage you, leave you without hope and draw your strength away from you.

But its important that we shift our focus from the facts to the TRUTH.  And the truth is that GOD is always faithful and he strengthens us. "no weapon formed against me will prosper!"  I must continue to walk in that TRUTH so I am never discouraged about the things, "the facts", happening around me.

GOD's MENU:
The TRUTH is LIFE.
The TRUTH Encourages.
The TRUTH is Powerful.
The TRUTH Equips.
The TRUTH Prepares.
The TRUTH is LOVE.

When you've digested this,  You'll be ready to say Lord God, CHECK PLEASE!

Until Next Time ... Trust in GOD and KEEP WORKING not for the checks, but IN THE WILL OF GOD.  Your money will come, bills will be paid, nonsense will be removed.

Bring it ON! I Can Handle IT!

After getting through a rough week and journaling yesterday about the new season and what that meant for my life, yet another challenge persisted.  Without delving into the what happened, I will just sum up with that experience added to my life.

I looked at it as the cherry on top, the icing on the cake! And the only natural thing to do for me was to laugh! You know, laughing to keep from crying. LOL. I mean thats the overall feeling that came over me.  It proved to me that I can handle anything and I can handle it without losing my mind.  GOD has a way of helping us realize that things could be a lot worse.  And that was put right in front me as I experienced yet another bump in the road ... literally.

I will continue to experience challenges, obstacles, swerves, bumps ... you get the picture, but those things will never take me out. Proving that I can endure the tests of time only gives me clarity and preparation for things to come.  And when they do come I can handle them with grace .... and well, laughing my butt off.

All I could say is, BRING IT ON! I CAN HANDLE IT!  That GOD is something else!  But you gotta LOVE HIM! And THANK HIM for is grace.

Until Next Time ... laugh your butt off!  It could be worse!

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

I kept trying to figure out what I would name this entry.  And the only thing I could think of was, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."  This week had it out for me.  While I was blessed with two bookings, I seemed to dwell on the things that didn't happen or one thing I couldn't really avoid that rocked my world.  I've been having dental issues since January.  I've had 3 root canals in 3 months.  While my teeth are pretty decent in the front, my molars have a mind of their own. 

I don't have dental or medical insurance and I've had to dish out a lot of money lately trying to make up for lost time. $395 for the OBGYN, $690 for the lab work and $150 to go back to the doctor for her to tell my results.  Has the health industry lost their minds? Or have I just been irresponsible with taking care of myself and investing in health insurance.  I'm not going to even touch on how much I've had to spend on the dental work which is not over. 

This week my teeth got the best of me. Well one tooth in particular that totally took me to another place and time. The pain was so excruciating that I saw stars.  The pain from the tooth itself, the pain from the needle the doctor had to poke my gums with 3 times to get me numb and then another 3 more times when the numbness was wearing off literally shrunk my spirit to a pulp.  I cried in that chair as if it was the end of my existence. But the day before was the beginning to this tragedy.

I booked a shoot that really wind up annoying the heck out of me.  And that could have all had to do with me not feeling well.  I woke up that morning with my face a little swollen.  But I was in good spirits.  But as the day progressed pain and more swelling began.  I had medication from previous work I had done but apparently what was going on with my tooth got worse and the medicine was not going to keep the infection at bay this time.  I had been trying to hold off until I could get the money to get the 3rd root canal done but the tooth had had enough and was not going to give me a break.

I hadn't eaten much that morning. I ate a banana and stopped at Jamba Juice for a energy smoothie.  They had craft service at the shoot but I didn't really have an appetite. I was basically eating to accommodate my medication.  It took no time for me to get hair and make up done but it took a while for me to get wardrobe and I wind up sitting around for hours with some of the other talent. I also had a big callback that I was trying to get to, possibly during lunch.  The client is not obligated to let you go but hey you gotta ask. Mostly everyone in the industry is understanding to such things but you just never know.  I told one of the Production Assistants my deal and he said he would ask the client if I could leave to go to the callback during lunch. It was only a few minutes away and I could be in and out.

Well after a couple of hours he finally came over to tell me that the client said no.  For some reason that didn't sit well with me.  Because of some of his demeanor and how he was kind of handling things on the set, I didn't really feel he even asked the client. But I wasn't sure. But I kept contemplating whether or not I should ask them myself.  I was going to talk to the director as well, but never really got a good opportunity to pull him to the side. Honestly, the shoot seemed a little unorganized.  They made this big deal about the shoot because Benjamin Millipied, Natalie Portmans fiance, was the director.  But with 2 callbacks and some kind of "secrecy" behind the project you would have thought we were getting paid 5 figures for this job.  Thankful nonetheless, but it was a lot going on for what seems to be a non-existent product.  Most of us still didn't understand it all. Ummm I'm still a little confused.

So after being there for 4 hours and not one foot on the set  yet, I finally decided to ask the client myself.  It just didn't make sense. I could have gone to the callback 10 times at this point.  But all of sudden the PA calls me outside to tell me that he's gonna let me leave. By this time it was about 1pm, my callback time was at 1245p and the casting was breaking from 1 to 2p.  I called my agency to see if there was any chance they'd be around between that time, but it was a no go.  And I had to come the realization that I was not going to make this audition. WOW. I'm better about it now, but it was a little hard not to dwell on it. But I have to say my whole tooth experience overshadowed everything.

I was doing good.  I had to double up on the drugs and that made me sleepy.  But I hadn't eaten enough and I was feeling very nauseous.  I ran to the bathroom a few times but I couldn't purge.  We finally broke for lunch and I attempted to eat but still not quite an appetite.  But what I did eat wouldn't stay down for long.  I used the bathroom but my stomach was still upset.  After washing my hands, off to the toilet I went and all hell broke loose.  While I managed to get to the toilet, what came pouring out of my mouth also went all over my pants from wardrobe.  Keep in mind, I still hadn't shot.  I felt better, but Lord, what about my pants.  I wind up calling one of the other actresses over to the bathroom to tell her what happened and she went to get the stylist and my pants so I could change and try to clean the other ones.

The stylist came running to the bathroom hysterical. In her french accent, "what is wrong with you?" Ahhh I'm sick lady! But she was cool. I cleaned off the pants with some water and she brought me a blow dryer so I could dry the pants off. And Viola! All clean.  After a while the nausea came back a little but I was able to maintain.  Still waiting around a bit to get on set and at this time I'm like I so could have gone to my callback. This is crazy.  But I always try to practice what I preach. But boy its hard sometimes, especially when it pertains to yourself.  I always say whats for me is for me.  And apparently it wasn't in the Creators plan for me to make that callback.  But the adversary will always strive to point out what things could be if I had certain things, making it seem like that those things make me happier or make my challenging situation just go away.  And that's so not true.

In previous posts I've expressed finding my happy. And I could have made that callback and still may not have booked the job.  So what then?  I still wouldn't be afforded what could have come from that booking, i.e. the money.  And basically that was my focus.  I know what it could have possibly done for my career but I have to know that GOD is in control and my career is going to be what it is despite not making that callback, or any other callback for that matter, and maybe not even booking the job.  The point, be grateful that you were in the running.  I'll be in the running again.  And just because I am still doesn't mean I'll get the job. 

I did wind up booking another job for Thursday.  But my face was swollen even more after the procedure I had on Wednesday and that job was in jeopardy because the client could wind up replacing me. But I accepted that. My main concern was feeling better.  After talking to my agency, sending them pictures of my face and them talking with casting and casting talking to the client, they still wanted to book me. Ain't that a blessing.  So I was down as long as I felt OK the next morning.  It started out a little rough, because again I took my meds on an empty stomach. It was 430 in the morning. I was more concerned about staying on schedule.  I showered but felt like I was gonna vomit. I got out, crouched over for a little, drank some ginger ale and just prayed to GOD to help me keep it together.

I had to curl my hair and needed to be out the door at least by 705am to get to the city and make it to the pick up van. Well I made it! And I made it through the shoot.  It was a pretty easy day and everyone was super nice and understanding to my situationn.  I was still a little self conscious but I quickly got it together and put on my "swollen" game face and knocked it out.  Everyone was aware of my situation so I had nothing to feel bad or self conscious about.  They can retouch the swelling.

So I'm sitting here today in better spirits.  So over taking these drugs but will because if not I'll be in misery. And we all know misery loves company.  But there is a rainbow in the clouds.  And I can see its tail end.  I'm looking forward to a prosperous, more manageable week to come.  If I can get through what I experienced this past week, I can get through anything.  And I think GOD allows the rough experiences so that HE can reiterate that I can.

Thank you Lord.

Until Next Time ... Keep Thanking GOD for bringing you through. 

Staying Productive

The industry has been slow and so was I all last week ... literally.  I mean I was so lazy and un-motivated. I wasted so much time lying around, watching television, texting, bbm'ing, on the computer ... and not doing any "WORK"! Like seriously, it was just ridiculous.  No one can afford to waste time.  As we all really notice as we get older, time waits for no one. You don't have many windows of opportunities so we should always be prepared and on our game.  TRUST, that the next person who wants it as bad as you do ... Will be.

So this week, with a few auditions under my belt, I am in full motion, at least STARTING tasks and working on getting them DONE.  I have so many so I have no excuse NOT to be busy! Speaking from a model/actress standpoint, the work doesn't stop just because you booked a few big jobs.  You have to constantly keep current, fresh, fit, healthy, prepared and on top of your game!  There's no way around it because one can get lost in the shuffle and slowly die out because someone else is doing all it takes to be successful. "Success doesn't depend on our circumstances, but on overcoming our circumstances. I've overcome this dry period and am ready to make it rain yall! LOL.

I AM A BUSINESS. A BRAND.  And until I can afford a publicist or PR rep, I have to put in all the work necessary to make things happen.  Yes, its been slow, but it doesn't mean I have to adjust to the industry. Im just "in" the industry, the industry isn't "in" me.  I won't allow the industry to dictate my mood, progress or productivity.

I can't quite pin point what lit the fire under me, but GAME ON!  Model, Actress, Host, PR Rep, Publicist, Administrative Assistant, Hype man, Trainer, Nutritionist, Spiritual Friend, Yoga Instructor, Driver ... It's all me! And Im ready!

Keep the course. Keep Focus. Keep Consistent. Keep Current. Keep Faithful. Keep PRODUCING!!!

Until Next Time ... well ... you know what to do! ; )